Letting Go and Finding Home
by RiverCity
Summary: COMPLETE A child in need, A man searching for a place to call home, And one woman who would bring them all together to find new meaning in the word 'Home'. Three lives brought together by need, Three lives facing destiny's future. Ric and Alexis
1. Letting Go and Finding Home

**Letting Go and Finding Home - 1**  
  
Looking at the clock beside her bed Alexis swore quietly at the insistent knocking on her door at 9'oclock in the morning... on a Saturday morning no less. The night proved itself to be one of those you would like to forget. Kristina had run a high fever most of it with one of her recurring ear infections. Looking down she reached to brush the curls from away from her daughter's face who lay asleep across her upper body. Noting the small frown on her face, Alexis knew that this particular ear infection would require a heavier dose of antibiotics than the normal dosage she kept in the medicine cabinet.  
  
She rolled her eyes as the sound of the intrusive knock sounded again on her door. Carefully rolling onto her side she gently disengaged herself from her daughters arms then moved away while pulling the comforter up over the tiny shoulders of her daughter before standing. Leaning down she placed a featherlike kiss on Kristina's forehead then turned quickly to hopefully put an end to the idea that it was okay to pound on someone's door at the crack of dawn. Arriving at the door she peered through the privacy hole and expelled an exasperated sigh. Unlocking the door she swung it open and stood stiffly glaring at her unwanted visitor.  
  
"Can we talk, Alexis?"  
  
"Who are you? Joan Rivers?"  
  
Ric sighed heavily. Would she ever stop long enough to see he was trying to play it straight with her before lashing out at him?  
  
"It's important, Alexis."  
  
"It damn well better be, Ric at 9 o'clock in the morning when I've just spent a very restless night with a sick child. You have two minutes to state your case and leave. I have to get Kristina ready to go in to see her doctor."  
  
An immediate frown settled across Ric's face as his concern for his niece grew.  
  
"Go... get her ready. This will wait. Tell me what I can do to help."  
  
Alexis took a faltering step backward as the intensity of Ric's concern startled her. Why should he care so much, she asked herself and found the words out of her mouth before she could stop them.  
  
"Why, Ric? Why would you want to do anything to help in a situation you are clearly not wanted in?"  
  
Stepping over the threshold, Ric reached for the door and stepped aside as he closed it behind him. The act giving him time to cover the guilt he felt over the paternity secret he was keeping from her while trying to find a way to explain his concern. Turning back to face her, he smiled wanly then did his best to alleviate her unease.  
  
"Look, I'm just trying to help. You look a little worse for wear. In fact, you look like you could fall over any second from exhaustion. And if I don't help then I won't be able to explain the reason I came over here this morning."  
  
"So it really is all about you, isn't it Ric? Who cares if a two year old just spent a very fitful night trying to find the most comfortable position to sleep in that wouldn't compound the pain she was already having to deal along with a mother who forever hovers like a hover any time her child feels any distress whatsoever."  
  
"Hovers like a hover, Alexis?"  
  
Alexis felt the heat of her anger rise dramatically and forced herself to calm down.  
  
"Don't you dare start antagonizing me this morning, Ric Lansing? I am not one who believes that violence can settle disputes, but I can guarantee you right now... you let one more adverse word come out of that mouth of yours and I won't be responsible for my actions."  
  
Before she turned her head away from him to hide her errant emotions, Ric witnessed the telltale sign of just how exhausted she was. Her unshed tears cut through his heart like blades of steel. He stepped closer and reached for her arm... her immediate response to pull away forced him to hold tighter and draw her with him toward the sofa.  
  
"Sit down, Alexis. Don't argue, just sit down for a moment and relax."  
  
She hesitated a moment, but her emotions were getting the best of her due to her lack of sleep and worry over Kristina. She relented and allowed him to gently push her down into the softness of the sofa. If her exhaustion weren't so pronounced she would have blushed at the memory of her pulling him down on top of her while initiating a heated kiss only a few weeks before when her unintentional inebriation took on a life of its own. Her thoughts were however disrupted at the sound of her daughter crying out in a way that told her Kristina was feeling the effects of the infection inside her ear once again. She groaned as she tried to stand knowing that there would be no rest for her until Kristina was once again settled. And the only way that was going to happen was to get her ready for a visit to the doctor. She was so intent on reaching her daughter that the hands reaching for her startled her and she jumped away from Ric. She looked up just in time to see the look of hurt before he had time to hide his reaction.  
  
"Let me get her and bring her to you, Alexis. I won't hurt her, but you need to stay here and rest as much as you can."  
  
"I can't, Ric. I have to get her ready to go. I have to take her in to see her doctor. The medication I have isn't strong enough to combat the infection this time. Please just go and let me take care of my daughter."  
  
Standing in front of him, he saw her sway and quickly reached for her. He was at a loss as to how to help her. She needed rest and Kristina needed to get to the doctor. In a sudden burst of enlightenment he realized how he could them both.  
  
"Come on, then. We'll take care of the problem together."  
  
He heard her chuckle derisively and stared down at her for a moment before responding. If she were going to be able to make it through the next couple of hours he figured the best thing to do would be to get her exasperated as possible if not downright angry with him.  
  
"Is it that you don't trust me or you don't trust yourself around me? Or perhaps you're too afraid you're going to be too mesmerized by my closeness to take care of the situation."  
  
He didn't try to stop the hand that suddenly flew toward his face landing perfectly across his cheek. He didn't smile or frown. He simply continued his quest to help her anyway he could.  
  
"Go get Kristina ready to go while I make a pot of coffee. Then I'll drive you both to the hospital."  
  
Alexis glared at Ric a moment and somehow finally understood what he was trying to do for her. She blushed with embarrassment, muttered a soft apology then moved past him to take him up on his offer of help.  
  
An hour later, Ric found himself holding Alexis in his arms as she dealt with the fact that her precious daughter would once again be forced to suffer through another operation.  
  
"Alexis, they're not going to do the operation today. You're being given a little time to deal with the whole thing. We're going to take Kristina home with us and get her temperature down and the infection under control before she has to come back for the operation."  
  
"They're going to put tubes in her ears, Ric."  
  
His heart broke at the raw pain he heard in her voice there only because she believed her daughter was once again paying the price for the circumstances of her early birth. He tried his best to comfort her.  
  
"I know, Alexis. But don't you think that's better than Kristina having to suffer every week or so with another infection. This is going to fix her ear problem, Alexis. No more restless nights or nights filled with pushing medication down her throat. This is different than having her heart operated on. This is an immediate relief of a bad situation that keeps causing your daughter to suffer."  
  
He was just spewing words that sounded right not putting any faith at all in what he was saying. Ric was just hoping that he soothing talk would help Alexis pull herself together in order to complete the task at hand with as much dignity as possible. Looking up he saw Bobbie returning with Kristina and gently took Alexis' arms and pulled her away from him.  
  
"Hey, here's Bobbie coming with Kristina now."  
  
Her fear was more than any he had ever witnessed in anyone before, but the immediate transformation from fear to the essence of motherhood at the arrival of her daughter stunned him. When Alexis gently pulled her daughter from Bobbie's arms, there was not a hint of fear on her face; her voice was steady and sure as she spoke softly to the child. She barely acknowledged his presence as she walked past him toward the exit. There was no room for anything else in her heart or mind except getting her daughter home, settled and safe. He marveled at the total single-mindedness of Alexis when it came to the welfare of her daughter. He followed her out... speechless.   
  
She wanted to lean on Ric's strength. She was being called upon again to be strong for her daughter under extreme circumstances just like so many times before. And she was tired... so very tired of being the strong one... of not having someone to stand beside her and support her... someone who was there just for her... who cared enough to be a source of comfort for a woman who desperately needed a shoulder to lean on, but was too proud to show any weakness.  
  
Tucking the soft blanket around her sleeping daughter's shoulders, Alexis leaned down and kissed her softy. "We just don't seem to be able to get away from those mean old doctor's do we, sweetheart. But this operation is going to make you feel so much better. Hang with me just one more time, my angel. We can do this... just the two of us. Together we are strong, my little one." She sensed him behind her and turned slowly toward him a look of defiance on her face. She didn't need him no matter how much her heart might tell her otherwise. He was a nuisance she could do without.  
  
"Why don't you take a nap while she's sleeping, Alexis?"  
  
"No. I'm fine. I'll just sit with her in case she wakes up and needs something."  
  
Ric saw her tense as he walked quietly toward her. How could he assure her that all he wanted was to help? The many mistakes that he made since coming to Port Charles suddenly caused his step to falter. 'Why was he here? What could 'he' do that could ever make a difference in how this woman viewed him?' His head tilted downward slightly and just before his chin made contact with his chest he saw her legs give way. Reaching out he caught her just before she hit the floor.  
  
"Enough is enough, Alexis. You need rest. Please let me help you. You can't take care of her the way you need to if you pass out."  
  
Alexis struggled weakly to extract herself from his arms unaware of the tears of exhaustion slipping quietly down her face. "Let me go, Ric. I'm fine."  
  
Losing his patience, Ric's voice raised before he could hold his tongue. "**NO**, You're **NOT** fine, Alexis."  
  
Finding a bit of strength she was unaware she possessed, Alexis wrenched herself free from him and whispered menacingly. "Lower your voice Ric Lansing. I will not have you raising your voice around my daughter... and you will definitely not attack me in front of my daughter no matter what your provocation."  
  
Realizing his mistake, Ric's shoulders slumped a little. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I didn't mean to raise my voice. I'm just worried that you've just about gone as far as you can. I just want to help. Let me help you, Alexis. Let me sit here with Kristina while you go rest a while. I promise you I won't leave her side and if she wakes up or anything I promise to wake you."  
  
She looked at him warily for a few moments before responding. "Why, Ric? Why do you want to help? What are you up to and what do you expect in return?"  
  
"I guess I deserve that. But, for once in my life, there's nothing I'm looking to gain here. I just want to help. That's all."  
  
Suddenly remembering that her day began with Ric Lansing on her doorstep, Alexis took a step backward away from him.  
  
"What brought you here this morning, Ric?"  
  
Ric did not want to broach the subject of his original reason for wanting to see her this morning. Not yet. Not under these circumstances. But, he knew she would not let it go so he did his best to alleviate her concerns.  
  
"There is something that I would like to discuss with you, but after all that has happened so far today I really don't think it would be appropriate to discuss it now."  
  
"Why? If it was important enough for you to find your way to my doorstep at 9 o'clock this morning, then I'm moderately sure that it is probably still important to you. And I'm just wondering if your sudden need to help my daughter and I is going to cost me more than I can afford to pay?"  
  
He didn't blame her for her wariness. In fact, he would have been surprised if she wasn't. But, what he wanted from her was so personal that he was willing to do whatever was necessary to get a willing audience from her even if it were only a brief 5 minutes.  
  
"Tell you what... you go take your nap... I'll watch over Kristina until you wake... then I'll tell you what I wanted when I came to see you this morning. If after you hear me out, you want to throw me out... I'll go and not bother you again. How's that?"  
  
Her eyes glazed a bit as she listened to him. That was the telltale sign that her body was on its last leg. She needed to rest and with Kristina asleep both from her own lack of sleep as well as the mild sedative Bobbie administered before they left the hospital; this was the perfect time for her to take care of herself. Looking down at her sleeping child she leaned over and kissed her once more then stood back up and stared at Ric for a moment before finally addressing him.  
  
"Please don't make me regret trusting you, Ric. There are not very many left in my life where I can still find a measure of trust that I can rely on. Prove me wrong, Ric. Prove to me that just for this one afternoon I can trust you with the most precious part of my life."  
  
There were tears in her eyes. It was almost as if she needed this... needed to be able to trust him above all others in this one instance.  
  
"For this one afternoon, Alexis! I'll be my mother's son, the one I should have been all along. Go rest. Let me do this for you."  
  
He watched her slowly turn for one last look at her daughter, a brief touch then walked to the door. She stopped and looked back at him once, before continuing on her eyes pleading with him to not let her down. He heard the springs of her mattress, as she laid down then all was quiet except for the tiny sound of his niece's quiet breathing. He never noticed the one lone tear that fell from his cheek as he took his place in the rocker beside the most precious part of her life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Letting Go and Finding Home - 2**  
  
Ric stood quietly beside her bed watching the slow even breaths that proved she was still sleeping deeply. It amazed him that all of the telltale signs of exhaustion were now gone and the harsh lines of worry had faded away. She was beautifully free inside the walls of slumber and her face proved it. Three hours had passed since she left him watching over her daughter while she stole a peaceful respite from worry. Hearing Kristina stir he turned swiftly and returned to her room. He smiled when he approached her crib and saw her sitting up. A smile that faded quickly when she looked up and found him reaching for her instead of her mother and began to fuss. He quickly began running through ideas about how to calm the increasingly agitated child. The conclusion he finally came to wasn't ingenious, it was just pure common sense and would solve two problems at once.  
  
"Would you like to see your mommy, Kristina? Want me to take you to your mommy?"  
  
Picking her up and holding her close to his chest, Ric held his breath afraid that she would cry out and wake Alexis before he could get into her room with Kristina. He desperately needed to prove to Alexis that she was not wrong in trusting her daughter with him for such a brief time. Looking into the child's eyes as he turned back toward the door, his breath caught in his lungs. Eyes that once looked up at him from the pages of a little boy's scrapbook were now looking at him through the eyes of this child. With his voice cracking he smiled and whispered.  
  
"You have your grandmother's eyes, Kristina. Can you see my mother in my eyes the way I can see her in yours?" He spoke with a soft melodic tone to his voice that somehow reached Kristina and she finally smiled at him and lay her head down on his shoulder; her tiny arm finding it's way around his neck. There were too many emotions racing through him... he needed to release this child into her mother's care and get the hell out of there before he did something he might regret. Turning he willed himself to continue talking softly to the child in his arms as he began berating himself mercilessly for every wrongful act he ever committed just to keep the tears that were so close to the edge from falling. His chance to be a son was lost to him... his mother was gone... as was his father. That's the way it was and he needed to learn to live with it... somehow.  
  
Rounding the corner into Alexis' bedroom he once again stood beside her bed looking down at her relaxed face. Looking back at the child in his arms he felt his heart tear a little more. The bond between this woman and her child only served to make his heart ache that much more for the loss of his own mother and the fire and rage he was so accustomed to began to take over once more. Leaning down he placed Kristina beside Alexis and lay a hand on her shoulder gently shaking her once.  
  
"Alexis? Alexis!"  
  
He watched her stir and finally open her eyes. She looked toward him as her arms automatically pulled her daughter closer. His heart tore a bit more.  
  
In the groggy aftermath of sleep, Alexis looked up and met Ric's eyes. An errant gasp left her throat at what he was unable to hide when his eyes met hers. Alexis saw so much that he wasn't aware she could see. She saw his hurt, a pain that ran so deep and consuming that all he could do to combat it's hold on him was to feed the raging fire that kept him from succumbing to the pain. Just as his eyes left hers and settled on her daughter she saw them soften a bit and understood so much more than he could ever have told her with words. Ric desperately needed something of worth in his life; something he could hold onto that wasn't about hate or revenge or loss. Ric was drowning and he needed a life raft to keep him from disappearing into the sea of darkness that now surrounded him. She watched him reach toward Kristina and run his finger softly down her cheek then turn to go.  
  
"Ric?"  
  
"I... I need to get to the office, Alexis. There are some loose ends I need to tie up there on a few cases I was working on. I'll call and check in with you in a couple of hours and see if you need anything. Is that okay, with you?"  
  
Alexis picked Kristina up and swinging her feet to the floor stood and slowly approached Ric. His face was once more a mask that she couldn't read.  
  
"No, Ric. That's not okay. What happened while I was asleep? Something's changed... you... I mean there's something going on with you."  
  
He mentally backed away from her. Ric did not want Alexis to know just how mentally deranged he thought himself to be in that moment. And the best way to keep that from happening was to get away from her and stay away until he could put everything back in it's place where he wasn't so threatened by it all. Then he could come back and take care of them.  
  
"There's nothing going on, Alexis. I just got a call from the office and there are a few things I need to clear up. I'll be back in a while and I'll bring you girls some dinner so you don't have to worry about anything but taking care of Kristina. That's all, Alexis. I won't be long."  
  
She knew he was hedging. She knew it because she could recognize it as one of her own escape devices. Whatever was bothering him was big. And somehow she knew that now was not the right time to pressure him into talking to her. It wasn't very clear to her how she knew, but something else that she was seeing in him told her that for now she needed to respect his wishes and let him go.  
  
"All right, Ric. But you don't have to come back. Kristina and I will be fine. I'll call Kelly's and have something delivered for dinner. Thank you for taking care of Kristina for me. I think we've got everything under control now and Viola will probably be calling sometime later to check on Kristina. So you go ahead and take care of what you need to. We'll be fine."  
  
She watched a look of immense sadness wash across his face before he turned to go and she reached out and caught his arm. She was puzzled by his reaction.  
  
"Ric?"  
  
"No, it's okay, Alexis. I don't know why I just assumed that you wouldn't mind me helping you out. It's okay. I understand. I'll just see you later. You can call if you need anything."  
  
Alexis was frustrated. Why should she want to help him so much? With everything that he put her through over the past few weeks, she should want him out of her life. But, here she stood wanting to do what she could for him. But, his responses to her were conflicting... contradictory.  
  
"You're sending me quite a few mixed signals, Ric. I don't know what to do or say... how to help you. But I can see that you think you need a little space right now. I don't know whether to insist you stay or let you go. If you really do need to go then that's fine. We can talk later."  
  
Ric was in serious danger of losing control of his emotions and he needed an escape in the worst way. Regardless of the words she chose to use to give him his 'space'... what he heard was her rejection of him. He couldn't let her see how much her words were affecting him. He couldn't risk letting her know just how much he needed a bit of normalcy in his life. Gently extracting his arm from her grasp, he smiled wanly then leaned forward and kissed Kristina on the cheek then drawing back he gazed at Alexis for a moment before leaning toward her and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek as well.  
  
"Thank you for letting me help today. I'll see you later."  
  
She watched him walk to the door as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. For some reason unknown to her she was suddenly afraid to let him walk out the door.  
  
"No, Ric. Don't you step one foot outside that door. I don't know why I let you get to me, but you're not going anywhere. In fact, here... take Kristina while I go order something from Kelly's."  
  
"I can't stay, Alexis. I..."  
  
"I know. You have loose ends to tie up at work. Well, you have loose ends to tie up right here as well. And today Kristina and I take priority. So go sit down in the living room and let Kristina play her little game of 'I can render you bald within 5 minutes' by pulling all of your hair out while I go take care of dinner. Then you and I are going to sit down and talk. You helped me this morning; I help you this afternoon."  
  
"NO. I can't." He immediately realized his mistake in raising his voice and apologized. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I didn't mean to shout. Please just let me go to the office for a while."  
  
Accepting his sincere apology, Alexis focused on the quiet plea she heard in his voice and knowing she should probably just let him go found she couldn't. Reaching up she placed the palm of her hand against his cheek and smiled into his eyes before they closed tight against her searching.  
  
"I want you to stay for a while, Ric. Can you do that? Can you let go of that damn office and all that ties you to it just for one evening and just spend some time with Kristina and I? Can you do that?"  
  
Opening his eyes and looking down into hers, Ric saw her concern for him and it almost became his undoing. If the bundle of excitement in her arms had not picked that moment to launch herself into his arms he would have been able to say no and make his escape. But his beautiful niece, choosing that moment to snuggle into his arms was his downfall. Wrapping his arms around the child he held her close and again a tear left his vigil and found its way down his cheek. Turning swiftly so Alexis wouldn't see, he forced a laugh past the lump in his throat.  
  
"I guess I don't have much say in the matter any more. It seems that your daughter doesn't see the monster the rest of the world sees when they look at me. Can't take a chance on messing that up, now can I?"  
  
Alexis wasn't fooled for a moment by the forced brevity she heard in Ric's voice. He was in trouble and somehow her daughter had sensed it and was doing her part in helping him get through it. If her daughter could find something of value in Ric Lansing, then just maybe... so could she.


	3. Chapter 3

**Letting Go and Finding Home - 3**  
  
He was sitting on the sofa staring into the empty fireplace when she returned from clearing away the remnants of their meal. Drawing closer she noticed her daughter asleep in his arms and he was quietly humming to her.  
  
"Why don't you go lay her down, Ric?"  
  
Her quiet voice startled him from his memories and he quickly began to rub his hand along the planes of Kristina's back coaxing her back into the sleep his uneasiness disturbed. He returned his focus to the fireplace unable to look up into Alexis' expectant eyes.  
  
"Okay, I have to go anyway. It's getting late and you both need a good night's sleep. Besides I need to check in at the office and see if anything's come up that I might need to look into."  
  
The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Words that only Alexis would be able to see through. Checking to see if any activity had presented itself while he was away that would help him best his brother was more than a frame of mind now... it was a way of life. One that he was sick of and without looking up he knew that Alexis was well aware of what he meant with his veiled words. Her sigh of irritation hit him in the pit of his stomach; her words only served to increase his own self-loathing.  
  
"Fine. Go ahead. I won't try to stop you, Ric. If you're so intent on living your life solely dependent on the actions of your brother, then you go right ahead. But, don't find your way to my door again. I will not allow you to pull me back into his world even as an afterthought."  
  
With that she bent down and took his niece from his arms. The loss of Kristina's tiny body warming his own left him feeling a chill he had not felt since his mother walked away from him so many years ago. It was not a loss he was willing to endure again. Not if there was anything he could do to prevent it.  
  
"What if I were to tell you I need your help... that you're the only one who can help me with this particular problem that I'm faced with."  
  
"I would have to say you're on your own. I neither have the time nor the inclination to help you in your campaign against Sonny Corinthos, DA Lansing. You've goaded and pushed me as far as I'm going to allow and from now on whatever goes on between us will be of a professional nature or not at all. No exceptions."  
  
He needed to find a way to make her to listen to him... with an open mind. He needed her help and something inside him knew that Alexis Davis was the only one who could help him now.  
  
"What if I were to give you a 'token' so to speak?  
  
Alexis looked at him with total exasperation. "A token, Ric? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Something that proves I'm not here to get anything out of you, nor am I here to hedge my bet, or further my agenda against my brother or anything of a devious manner at all?"  
  
"You have no idea just how much of a 'token' it would have to be in order for me to even pretend to listen at this point, Ric."  
  
Watching Kristina grow restless in her mother's arms, Ric stood and placed a calming hand on her back.  
  
"Go take care of her, Alexis. I would prefer she not be in here with us when I... you know... do this. I just don't want her near what I have to do... Please, Alexis. Just take her and let her go back to sleep."  
  
His words were getting to her, but it was his eyes that spoke to her the most. Ric was scared... of what she didn't know. But he was willing to do whatever he needed to in order to gain her attention. And whatever it was... he was insistent that her daughter be protected from what was about to happen.  
  
"All right, Ric. You've gotten my attention. Give me a few minutes to settle her in her crib then I'll listen to what you have to say."  
  
Ric watched her walk from the room and took a deep breath. His life was on the line and he was reaching out to Alexis now to help him save himself. He only hoped he could gain enough of her favor by telling the one truth he held, that she would allow him the opportunity to ask for help in the matter that had placed him on her doorstep that morning. Given the woman she was and the history she came from... only Alexis held the power to help him now. He turned toward her when her heard her re-enter the room.  
  
"All right, Ric. I've protected my daughter as you requested by taking her outside the benefit of your presence. So tell me. What is it that you have done that could harm my daughter and why are you now trying to protect her from whatever it is that you want from me?"  
  
The thought that he could do anything to harm the child he had just spent the day with set his blood to boiling. Angry that he had messed his life up so bad that it was normal for someone to think the worst of him first... without benefit of any doubt. Considering the man that arrived in Port Charles... it was no wonder that Alexis looked at him so derisively when she caught him in any number of attempts to make himself appear to be more than he actually was.  
  
"I haven't done anything to harm Kristina, Alexis. And I never will. I will protect that little girl with my last dying breath if I have to. She will never suffer because of who I am or who her father is if I have to kill us both to keep her safe."  
  
Alexis was stunned by the conviction in Ric's voice. His whole body spoke the truth of his words. And she knew in that moment that the man who stood in front of her was telling her in no uncertain terms that he would protect his family... his blood... her daughter. Ric knew who Kristina's father was.  
  
"I think we could both use a drink, Ric. Why don't I fix us one and then maybe we can continue this discussion with a little less... drama?"  
  
"You're not fooling me, Alexis. What I just said scared the hell out of you and you're now trying to gain an escape so you can figure out your next move. I'm familiar with that vice... use it myself quite a bit. But, there is no need for you to be afraid of me. My inability to control my tongue probably just gave away my secret and you're ready to either run or at the very lest find a means to incapacitate me so you no longer have to worry about whatever I may know about you."  
  
"Alright since you think you know me so well... I'm assuming this... this little secret of yours is why you've been emotionally manipulating me for the past few months?"  
  
"I don't know what you mean."  
  
Alexis responded coldly... "Sure you do, Ric. It's a little late in the day to start playing your little mind games, don't you think. Go ahead. Spill. What is it that you think you know that could harm my child?"  
  
The conversation was not going as well as he hoped it would and he knew it was because he was scared of her reaction... of what she would do once he told her he knew that Sonny was Kristina's father. It mattered to him now how the whole mess played out... not just for his niece's sake, but for Alexis' as well. Somehow during the back and forth of their relationship, if you could call it that, Ric began to care about Alexis. Really care. So much so that he was willing to take on the fight to protect them _both_ from the wrath of Sonny Corinthos. He suddenly found himself standing in front of the empty fireplace once more unsure of how to proceed. A thought occurred to him and it was out of his mouth before he could stop it proving again to the woman who stood behind him that there was more depth to Ric Lansing than she ever expected.  
  
"Have you ever noticed how lonely a fireplace looks without a fire?"  
  
His question while giving her new insight also told her that Ric was unsure of himself... unsure of her. He was struggling to find a way to open up and just tell what he knew in the gentlest way he could but fear was still holding his tongue. Alexis was no longer willing to prolong his anxiety. She wanted to give him a way out of the mess he had created for himself. Somewhere deep inside she wanted to give Ric the opportunity to be the man he seemed to want to be so much... she wanted him to succeed... grow beyond the boundaries he was tied so relentlessly to. She gave him the stepping-stone he needed to pull himself out of his self-inflicted prison.  
  
"No. I don't think I've ever thought of a fireplace as lonely before, but why don't you tell me how you know that Sonny is Kristina's father."


	4. Chapter 4

**Letting Go and Finding Home - 4**  
  
_"No. I don't think I've ever thought of a fireplace as lonely before, but why don't you tell me how you know that Sonny is Kristina's father."_  
  
The quiet gentle voice that met his ears gave him the courage to turn and face her.  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
Alexis smiled as she sat down on the sofa clearly letting Ric know that she wasn't angry with him. He followed her and sat down beside her his hands resting in his lap so that she wouldn't feel any awkwardness by his close proximity. She answered him calmly.  
  
"Your impassioned promise to protect my daughter was just a little _too_ impassioned to be coming from just a concerned outsider. Only blood would inspire that much conviction. In placing yourself firmly between Kristina and any harm that could come to her, you fought as though she were a part of you, not just my daughter. You were fighting for your niece."  
  
Ric's head fell forward as he considered her words. She was right. Had it been Michael or Morgan, his promise to protect them might have been just as true, but the lack of familial connection would have made a vast difference in his reaction.  
  
"I meant it, Alexis. I won't let anyone hurt her. And I'll stop anyone who tries to take her from her mother."  
  
She watched his eyes redden and knew he was reliving his past. She reached out and lay her hand on his, squeezed affectionately then let go.  
  
"I believe you, Ric. But, you have to inform me of how you acquired the information in the first place. As much as I believe that you want to protect my daughter... I am her mother and it is my responsibility to take care of her. I can't do that if I don't have all the pieces to the puzzle."   
  
Ric smiled wanly, glanced up at Alexis then let his eyes fall back to stare at his hands in his lap.  
  
"You know, I may not be as smart as Sonny about a lot things... but at least I'm smarter than my brother in this one instance."  
  
As saddened as she was that Ric once again felt the need to compare himself to his brother, Alexis wasn't willing to let him disparage himself this time... not when he was so clearly trying to do something right for a change.  
  
"You happen to be a great deal smarter than your brother, Ric. And you should listen to me because I, more than anyone, know of what I speak on that matter."  
  
They both chuckled then Ric grew serious again.  
  
"You gave yourself away, Alexis. For someone who is looking to take Sonny down in the most personal damaging way possible, it's easy to see that there is still a connection between the two of you. A little curiosity... a little research... a bribe here, bribe there and the information I was looking for was in my hand." Reaching into his back pocket, Ric pulled the document out and offered it to Alexis. "Now it's in your hand. That's the original from the hospital and there are no other copies that I know of."  
  
Alexis opened the document and stared at if for a few moments then folded it back up and tossed it on the coffee table in front of her. Settling back into the comfort of the sofa she looked at Ric.  
  
"So my fear of what he would do if he knew about Kristina is my weakness?"  
  
"I'm afraid so, Alexis."  
  
"I'm not entirely sure how to fix that."  
  
Standing up abruptly Ric began to pace. With her answer an open door suddenly presented itself to him and he needed a few moments to mull over the possibilities before he walked through it hopefully with Alexis following him. Hearing her call quietly to him he motioned a plea for her to hold on until he could put his thoughts in place. Once he was ready he sat back down next to her and turned so that he was facing her. Before he could present his thoughts to her, there was one thing he needed to know.  
  
"Tell me something, Alexis; if you had another chance with Sonny, would you take it?"  
  
The question shouldn't have surprised her considering it came from Ric. He was always trying to goad her into some kind of reaction in regards to her relationship with Sonny. The only thing that checked her anger was his expression and the tone of his voice. Ric was asking for information... information that would allow him the freedom to talk with her as openly as he needed to. This time Ric wasn't teasing her.  
  
"No. I wouldn't. Sonny was... a brief encounter... a necessary lesson to be learned. I lost quite a bit in my association with him. There are probably a few lessons still remaining to be learned where Sonny is concerned and I will learn them. But, I won't risk my daughter, nor will I risk myself in going back to a relationship that would only serve to threaten the safety that I have fought long and hard for since walking away from him 2 years ago. Not just safe from his world, but safe from ever again being caught up in the almost mythical belief that everyone deserves adequate representation. While I still believe it to be true, I lost too much of myself during the time that I served as his counsel. He is not a client that I would ever want to represent again much less get involved with. The only redeeming grace that came out of that relationship is my daughter. For my part, there is nothing left but pity and sadness for Sonny Corinthos... along with a healthy dose of disappointment for the man he could have been. Does that answer your question?"  
  
At that moment Kristina woke screaming for her mother. Alexis knew by the sound of her cry that her ear was once again hurting. She was halfway across the room when she realized that Ric was right on her heels. Reaching the crib, Alexis reached down and picked her daughter up barely noticing that Ric was no longer beside her. Checking her forehead and feeling the heat emanating from her she knew that Kristina needed another dose of antibiotics and pain medication, so Alexis folded her arms around her little girl and made her way into the kitchen where she found Ric with both medicines already measured out, waiting to be administered.   
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"I didn't. It's just been a while since we left the hospital and I figured that maybe it was time and I wanted to help."  
  
"You're right. It is time and thank you for getting it ready for her. The less time she has to wait, the better."  
  
Giving her daughter the medication, she smiled her thanks once again up toward Ric then shifting her daughter up to her shoulder walked back into the living room and sat down holding Kristina as close as the child seemed to need her to. A few moments later Ric joined her and she watched with both fascination and a bit of concern as he leaned down and placed a warm wet cloth against the side of Kristina's head covering the offending ear. Her daughter immediately hushed her fussing and snuggled closer into her mother's arms as the warmth of the cloth began to sooth her aching ear enough to allow her to return to sleep oblivious of the tears that fell from her mothers face.  
  
"Why are you crying, Alexis?"  
  
"It's such a simple thing that immediately relieved her stress. Why didn't I know to do that for her? How many nights could I have made it so much easier on her if I had just thought more rationally? And how did you know what to do for my daughter? Don't get me wrong... I'm very grateful, but you know less about children than I do."  
  
"Shhh... Alexis. I didn't know about this until I talked to the doctor while you were in redressing Kristina this morning. I just asked if there was anything else we could do for her. He told me that the wet warmth of the cloth might ease the pain if it got real bad between doses of medicine."  
  
She wiped away the traces of her tears and began to rock back and forth focused solely on the shifting weight of her daughter in her arms.  
  
"Yes."  
  
The one word broke through her thoughts and Alexis frowned her confusion at Ric.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yes, you answered my question."  
  
Realizing that he was reminding her of where their conversation left off before Kristina woke, she nodded her head a few times before focusing her attention back on her daughter.  
  
"Do you think we could continue where we left off? I mean do you think us talking would disturb her?"  
  
"No, I think she'll be fine now. She should sleep undisturbed for the next couple of hours at least. If you don't mind would you take her so I can fix a place for her to lay down here on the sofa beside me?"  
  
"Oh sure. Here... let me just..." He struggled to make sure he kept his hands as impersonal as he could while he gently worked them between Kristina's little body and Alexis'. Once his niece was secure in his arms he straightened and felt a rush of love work its way throughout his body when tiny little arms found their way around his neck as Kristina wiggled her little body into a more comfortable position in his arms. "There..." he whispered in her ear as he swayed back and forth, "all nice and comfy. You just let yourself go right back to sleep and mommy and I will watch over you until you wake. You're such a sweet angel... too sweet to have nasty little infections making such a happy little girl so sad. But, we're going to take care of all that aren't we? Me and mommy are going to make sure you get well just as soon as possible." His heart swelled as he felt her little arms hug him tighter.  
  
Standing quietly un-noticed in the hallway, Alexis watched Ric interact with Kristina. She could hear how much he cared for her in his voice. It was surprising to her that she didn't mind his commitment to her daughter. In fact, she welcomed it and that caused her more than a little concern. After all this was Ric, Sonny's brother, keeper of panic rooms, and ankle shackles. Looking at him across the room holding her daughter though, she couldn't stand this man up against the other and make them one. Could she really trust him?  
  
"You're very good with her."  
  
Ric looked up and met Alexis' eyes across the room.  
  
His voice broke as he answered. "I'm finding that it's not hard to love a child... especially one that is a part of you."  
  
"Do you understand why I must keep her from her father, Ric? Can I really trust you to keep what you know to yourself?"  
  
"Now more than ever, Alexis."  
  
Ric tilted his head and laid it gently against Kristina's for a moment. He watched Alexis approach and lay a blanket down on the sofa and motion for him to lay the child down. He hesitated a moment not ready to relinquish the feeling of someone holding on to him out of need and trust. But knowing that he was far from finishing his conversation with Alexis he leaned over and gently lay Kristina down carefully folding the blanket over her body then placed a soft kiss on her cheek. Kneeling down beside her he crossed his arms and rested them on the sofa beside the child never taking his eyes from her.  
  
"I want her safe, Alexis. I don't want anything to disturb the peaceful atmosphere you've surrounded her with and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens." His voice took on a searching tone as he continued without taking his eyes away from Kristina.  
  
"I read something last night that ignited a sort of spark in me. It made me start thinking about possibilities. The premise of the article was that through all of life's ups and downs, its successes and failures, the push and pull... in the final analysis, life is simply art. It is a creative process and it is up to us to paint our personal canvas of life as honorably as we can. When someone throws an unforeseen circumstance into our life... we pick up a different paintbrush and add another color to the canvas. Create a new color if need be in order to work our way past the circumstance. We do not have to let our friends, enemies or those who are simply indifferent to how their lives affect ours gain an advantage over us. Like the way it's been for you this past couple of years where Sonny is concerned? I mean don't you think that you've allowed him to prevent you from picking up another paintbrush... creating a new color... getting on with your life?"   
  
Alexis shrugged her shoulders at the question but gave the idea serious thought before answering.  
  
"It's an interesting analogy and yes, I would have to say that I did allow others to dictate how my life progressed for most of the past year and beyond. I lost myself for a while. I lost that part of myself that I could always turn to and find strength... the confidence I needed to excel over those who threatened my very sanity. I am not proud of the woman who has walked the streets of Port Charles this past couple of years. She is not the woman that I learned to depend on. But I have to live my life with the belief that the good things of life, those who fight for all that is good and safe and right in this world will in the end come out on top. I believe that. It might not happen when I need or want it to; but I have to believe that it will. My life hasn't been easy. I've been forced to fight for the right to be my own person and at times the fight was almost more than the outcome was worth. But look at what I've finally gained. I have a daughter, Ric. I have the ultimate gift that life can give a person. Someone finally decided that it was my turn to have the best that life could give. It is my job now to make sure I don't lose it."  
  
Rising from his knees he turned and gently sat down beside Kristina making sure that he didn't disturb her then focused on Alexis. He studied her for a moment wondering if she was ready for his proposal. He took the chance.  
  
"So you need a new color. A new beginning free from the stuff that paralyzes you. I need a new color too, but the problem is that all my colors are muddied... I need help to create a new color. I need your help, Alexis and I think you may need mine too."  
  
"I think you might need to offer a bit of an explanation, Ric. How is it that you think I need your help and what on earth could you need from me?"  
  
"I can help you protect Kristina from Sonny."  
  
Rather than allow the quick retort that usually followed one of Ric's outlandish utterances, Alexis held her tongue out of respect for the truce they were somehow enjoying. What appeared to be an unconditional resolve to keep Kristina safe was enough for her to give him an opportunity to explain himself.  
  
"How?"  
  
"By placing you in a position that every judge in town would respect and prefer over anything that Sonny could offer as a parent."  
  
So far it sounded interesting, Alexis thought.  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
"Yesterday, Dara Jensen submitted her request to be relieved of her duties as Assistant District Attorney. How would you like the job?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Letting go and Finding Home – 5**

"_Assistant District Attorney_, Ric? Are you out of your mind? I can't work with you. We'd kill each other by the end of the first day."  
  
Ric chuckled then upon seeing the frown on Alexis' face stopped abruptly.  
  
"Don't you think that it's worth a try given the benefit of being able to protect Kristina?"  
  
His undeniably exact reasoning stopped her next reply. Allowing herself time to question and run the pros and cons of every consideration, she was finally forced to concede that it was a brilliant tactical maneuver that would temporarily render Sonny a non-issue in a custody hearing.  
  
"It won't stop him, Ric. But it will give us time to do what I should have done a long time ago."  
  
Ric was excited that Alexis was not trying to find ways to shoot his idea down. It gave him hope that they were finally coming to a point where they could work together companionably and maybe somewhere down the road possibly enjoy a more intimate relationship. Considering her response he was anxious now to hear her thoughts... how they could possibly work together toward a common purpose.  
  
"If you don't mind my asking, what should you have done, Alexis?"  
  
Alexis gazed at Ric for a moment before answering. If she answered him, she would give him a clue as to what he needed to concentrate on in order to put Sonny in prison. Getting Sonny out of the picture would solve her problems, but she was afraid of what it would do to Ric. It was one thing to threaten to destroy your own flesh and blood, but to actually do it... Alexis wasn't sure she wanted to give Ric that power and take the chance of ruining any hope he may have of separating himself from the childhood issues that revolved around his brother and his mother. If he could walk away and let someone else handle the case then he wouldn't be haunted by his roll in the destruction of his brother no matter how much he claimed to want it.  
  
"May I borrow one of your more admirable traits and take some time to think before I answer?"  
  
Enjoying her attempt to tease him, Ric grinned widely. "Unlike you who takes all the time in the world to think before answering?"  
  
Laughing Alexis raised her hand in surrender. "Touché." She then watched him grow pensive and waited knowing that there was something else on his mind. Ric's eyes fell to Kristina and he smiled wistfully.  
  
"You have a beautiful home here, Alexis. You've made it a beautiful home."  
  
"Thank you." Alexis knew he wasn't finished, so she waited until he was ready. Whatever was going on it was causing him more than a little unease. Minutes passed and still he remained quiet. The only way she knew he was still trying to settle his thoughts was he absently lay his hand on Kristina's back and began to move it back and forth never taking his eyes from her.  
  
"Did you know that a home is more than a house?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ric chuckled derisively at his ridiculous question. "I'm sorry, that wasn't a very intelligent question, of course you would know that a house is just four sides with a lot of rooms inside."  
  
She knew he was hedging... afraid that she would think less of him for his thoughts.  
"Ric? Just tell me. I can't read your mind anymore than you can read mine. So just talk to me. I'm listening."  
  
Standing carefully so as not to disturb Kristina, Ric began to slowly pace around the room. He didn't know how to go about telling Alexis what he wanted. He was scared she would laugh at him or worse send him packing. That just wasn't something he wanted to take a chance on happening. Not now. Now when he had so much to lose. Turning back to her he smiled and waved his hand dismissively.  
  
"Forget it, Alexis. It wasn't anything important."  
  
"Could you just give me one minute, Ric? I'll be right back, I have something I would like to give you." With that Alexis stood and left the room.  
  
Wandering toward the balcony Ric stared outside agitated with himself that he couldn't just be straight with Alexis. Hearing her re-enter the room he continued to stare out the window not ready to face her yet.  
  
"Ric?"  
  
Without turning, "Yeah?"  
  
"I have something I would like to give you. Actually it's from both Kristina and myself. I bought it for her, but under the circumstances I don't think she would mind my giving it to you if will help you to tell me what you need."  
  
Turning he found her right behind him holding a small paintbrush... offering it to him.  
  
"You said you needed my help, Ric. So let's paint our way out of this verbal hole you've dug yourself into. Come on... let's sit down and work through it."  
  
Accepting the paintbrush he smiled while trying to swallow the lump in his throat and followed Alexis back to the living room. Taking his seat beside Kristina again he watched Alexis sit across from him and lean forward expectantly.  
  
"You're really quite a surprise, Alexis Davis."  
  
"Actually, I'm not. We've just been so busy sniping at each other that we couldn't see beyond the next verbal exchange. What we're doing today is simply finding a way to survive... we're just miraculously doing it together. Now stop dodging the issue and talk to me."  
  
"Okay. I'm just not sure you're going to like this."  
  
"You'll never know until you tell me."  
  
"But this is... could be...  
  
Kristina began to fuss and Ric waved toward Alexis and reached down slowly picking up his niece and held her close. "Is your ear bothering you again, sweetness? Maybe we can get mommy to warm up that cloth again. What do you say... think we could make you feel a little better by warming you up a bit." He looked up as Alexis approached with a wet towel. He continued running his hand up and down her back while Alexis laid the towel in place. The thought that he had been struggling with for a while now suddenly hit him again and his eyes filled with the emotions that betrayed him.  
  
Feeling her daughter's forehead, Alexis found that her temperature was once again under control and she breathed a sigh of relief. Looking at Ric she started to tell him it was okay to lay her back down, but stopped cold at the look on his face and the tears in his eyes. Taking her hand away from Kristina she gently cupped his chin and brought his eyes up to meet hers.  
  
"Don't you think you would feel a lot better if you would just say it? I promise I won't run screaming from the room."  
  
Ric smiled weakly. There was no longer a question of whether he should continue or not, he just needed to make sure he used the right words to use to convey his thoughts as honestly as possible. He took a few moments to settle himself then began.  
  
"I grew up without a place to call home. There were the inevitable boarding schools, the house dad lived in, apartments that were always a little too sparse... but there was never a place I could really call 'home'. Because like you I understand that home is more than a place. It is somewhere that you know you're safe. You know that there is someone there that loves you no matter what mistakes you make. If my mother had not walked away, she would probably have been my home... my resting place. I want to know that there is somewhere I can go and know that I'm accepted for who I am... for who Ric Lansing is. Where someone knows that I am more than just the DA or the man who lost his sanity for a while and made life hell for a woman... someone that knows I'm more than just the little brother of Sonny Corinthos. I want... need somewhere that I can call home."  
  
Pulling his arms tighter around the child within his arms, he choked. "Kristina doesn't know anything about me, but what she's seen today. Today was a good day... not for her, but it was for me. I've found that I can love someone without any thought to how I could benefit from that love. This little girl means more to me than I ever expected her to." As he looked up to find Alexis, a tear found its way down his cheek. "She's home, Alexis. Your daughter is my home now. And that scares the hell out of me, because..." he stopped unsure of how to continue.  
  
Alexis was speechless. Of all the things Ric could have said, wanting somewhere he could call home would never have entered her mind. And to know that he was now that attached to her daughter... she wasn't sure how to respond or react. To give herself more time to think she encouraged him to continue.  
  
"Why, Ric? Why does that scare you?"  
  
His head found a pillow resting against the forehead of his niece.  
  
"Because you have the power to take it all away." 


	6. Chapter 6

****

Chapter 6  
  
Standing at the doorway to her balcony, Alexis was staring out looking at nothing in particular. She was torn between what she should do and what she wanted to do. Ric needed a home… she needed to protect herself, her daughter and the life she was trying to build for them. To allow Ric to get as close as he wanted was just inviting trouble! Turning her head she glanced back at him. He was still sitting on the sofa with his arms wrapped around Kristina rocking back and forth humming softly. She wondered suddenly what it would feel like to have his arms around her, comforting her as he did her daughter. Shaking herself free from her thoughts she wandered back into the living room and sat down across from Ric noticing his eyes were closed. It wasn't lost on her just how attractive he was, nor did she miss just how at 'home' her daughter looked in his arms.  
  
"You do realize you're putting me in a very difficult position, don't you Ric?"  
  
Without opening his eyes… "Yes… I do."  
  
"And you also realize that I need time to sort it all out in my head… without pressure or a deadline of any type."  
  
"Yes." Ric opened his eyes and met Alexis'. "I also realize how monumental it's going to be for you to allow me this indulgence. It would require you to trust me… we both know that I've never been very trustworthy material. But, I'd like the chance to prove that you can trust me, Alexis. Trust me to do right by Kristina… by you."  
  
"By me?" Alexis frowned. "What do you mean, 'do right' by me?"  
  
Ric grew quiet. How could he explain that he wanted so much more than just a relationship with his niece? He wanted a chance to prove himself to Alexis, to possibly build some form of relationship with her. She excited him… made him want more out of life. Leaning over he gently lay Kristina down, made sure she was comfortable then stood and stepped around the coffee table to stand in front of Alexis. Taking a seat on the coffee table he leaned forward and took her hands in his and forced her to meet his eyes.  
  
"You've remarked quite a few times about how arrogant I am. And you're right… partly. I am arrogant, but there is so much more behind the face that I show the world. There is a man inside of me that no one knows. I've held him close so that he can't slip up and give the world a view of the real Ric Lansing. You know what I'm talking about Alexis. You do the same thing. We're both trapped behind the face that we present to the world. But, there is this thing inside of me that wants _you_ to know who I am. Who I _really am_… what drives me to push so hard… the good… the bad… all of it! And I want to know that part of you. We both have trust issues. I figure that's probably putting it mildly, but the fact is I know you don't trust me and truth be known I don't have a lot of faith in you either. There's too much you can take from me and I don't just mean Kristina. You can best me in the courtroom… in an argument, if you're focused… you have a better command over your responses… your feelings… All I have is a Harvard degree on the wall and arrogance. Let me help you fight the fight that needs fighting now. Let me help you protect Kristina from Sonny. Alexis, let me help you protect yourself from him. Let me help you defeat the weakness in you and you can help me defeat the weakness in me. Please, Alexis. At least give us the chance to try."  
  
She felt herself trembling on the inside. Her anxiety level was rising and his closeness wasn't helping matters in the least. She needed time… and space… she needed to be alone with her daughter for a while.  
  
"I need to think, Ric. Can you be patient and just give me some time to work through all of… this."  
  
"Sure, Alexis. I can do that. Why don't you call me when you get ready to take her to the hospital? I'll pick you and Kristina up and we'll go together. Please don't try to do this by yourself. Let me at least be there to support you."  
  
She smiled knowing she wouldn't refuse her daughter any support that offered itself. And she couldn't in goon conscious try to keep Ric away from his niece's surgery. Ric would find a way, any way, to make sure he was as close as he could get when Kristina went in for surgery.  
  
"Alright, Ric. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know when we'll be going. Actually we wouldn't mind the company this time."  
  
"Good. Then I'll just go for now and wait for you to call."  
  
With that Ric turned and knelt down beside Kristina who was still sleeping. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead and whispered quietly to her.  
  
"I'm going to take off now Kristina. You be a good girl and do everything mommy tells you to do so you'll get better. I'll see you real soon."  
  
Walking him to the door, she leaned heavily on it after closing the door behind him. 'This is a fine mess I've gotten myself into', she thought. Hearing Kristina begin to fuss, Alexis put her thoughts away and settled herself around trying to get her daughter well enough to endure yet another surgery.  
  
Two days later Ric and Alexis stood outside Kristina's hospital room waiting for the nurses to allow them back in to sit with her until she was taken to the operating room. Ric could feel Alexis trembling next to him and pulled her closer underneath the shelter of his arm.  
  
"Why, Ric? Why does it always have to be my daughter? Why couldn't it be me?"  
  
He didn't try to alleviate her fears, he had a surplus of his own he was trying to deal with. And he knew it would do neither one of them any good to spill a bunch of words into the air that would do no more than irritate an already sensitive situation. She knew where his heart lay in that moment just as he knew where hers was. Words of encouragement were not necessary. But, comfort was another matter.  
  
"It's going to take a couple of hours for them to do the procedure. Just as soon as they get her ready to go and roll her out we'll make sure she knows we love her and we'll be waiting for her right here when she gets back. We'll make sure the last face she sees before going to sleep is yours, Alexis. She's a tough little cookie, but even tough little cookies need to see their mommy in scary times."  
  
She turned toward him and wrapped her arms around his waist laying her head on his shoulder while keeping her eyes trained on Bobbie and Kristina's doctor. Her whispered response shocked him.  
  
"I just want us to be able to take her home and know that she'll never have to darken the halls of this hospital again unless it is by her own wish."  
  
'Us'. A small word that gave him all the hope he could have ever wished for. She was including him in her little family and he knew without any doubt that Alexis was not aware of the phrasing of her words. She may have felt them in her heart, but to say them aloud for him to hear? No, Alexis would not have given him that much so soon. And he wasn't about to take advantage of her emotional state.  
  
"You'll be able to take her home in just a few hours, Alexis. Then you can sit and hold her for as long as you like."  
  
"You'll come too, won't you?"  
  
He smiled above her head. "Yes, Alexis. I'll come with you. I'll take care of all the daily mundane things while you take care of Kristina. Don't worry about a thing. I'll take care of everything."  
  
Alexis felt his arms stiffen around her and his whole body froze. Only one thing could cause that kind of response from Ric in this particular situation. Sonny was somewhere close by.  
  
"Ric, stay with me." She knew he wouldn't physically leave her, but she didn't want him to let Sonny take from them the strength and focus they needed for Kristina right now. Her words did not seem to register to him, so she lifted her head and looked up at his face. His eyes were focused on someone down the hall and she heard the footsteps that sounded so familiar to her. "Ric? Please don't let him get to you. Not today. Not when I need you here with me."  
  
When he still did not seem to register her voice, she leaned toward him and placed her lips against his. She felt his body jolt and then she leaned back again opening her eyes to meet the surprised look on his face.  
  
"Don't let him take you away from us today, Ric. Kristina needs you. Remember what you asked me two days ago. You may have a home with us, but not if you bring him with you."  
  
She sighed her relief when he smiled.  
  
"It's okay, Alexis. I just needed to be reminded of what I have on the line. It's fine now. I'm okay. And you're right. We don't need the specter of Sonny Corinthos hanging over us today." Looking over her shoulder he tightened his hold on her. "He's headed our way. Why don't you go inside and let me deal with Sonny right now. You don't need him in your face on top of everything else."  
  
She smiled and released herself from his hold. "No, we do this together. Neither one of us are as strong as we need to be right now emotionally to handle him. Together we can meet him head on and get rid of him."  
  
"Alright, Alexis. We'll do it your way."  
  
Alexis turned around and placed herself right beside Ric and smiled coldly as Sonny stopped in front of them.  
  
"Sonny. What brings you to GH this morning? I hope your children are all right."  
  
"They're fine. What are you doing with Ric, Alexis? Do you really want to set yourself up as an ally with him… against me?"


	7. Chapter 7

****

Chapter 7  
  
Ric did not give Alexis enough time to respond to Sonny's verbal attack. His mind was on Kristina and how much Alexis needed to be able to focus all her thoughts and energy on the surgery that her daughter was about to undergo.  
  
"This is neither the time nor the place, Sonny. You need to back off and leave Alexis alone. You want to get in her face? Fine! But make it some other day, okay?"  
  
"And who are you, Lansing? Her bodyguard?"  
  
"No. Just a friend who understands what she's going through right now and you just need to back off and leave her alone."  
  
"I'd be careful of who you try to push around, Lansing."  
  
Knowing Sonny would not back down Alexis stepped forward and lay her hand on Ric's upper arm. She tightened her grip momentarily and met his eyes.  
  
"Thank you, Ric, but Sonny does not understand the concept of intrusion or privacy. He isn't going to listen to you or I. He is incapable of seeing or hearing anyone but himself." Alexis turned to face Sonny and continued. "Over the past two years we have both effectively taken ourselves out of each other's world. But, you keep antagonizing me every chance you get. Why Sonny? Why can't you just let it go? I want nothing to do with you or anyone around you and you've claimed you want the same where I'm concerned. So why are you here throwing your weight around when it's clearly not warranted?"  
  
She watched Sonny's eyes darken with anger. Just as she was about to take a step back in retreat she felt Ric's hand in the hollow of her back and it gave her the strength to stand her ground. Sonny's response to her question surprised her.  
  
"I just wanted to check in with the new Assistant District Attorney and see if she had any intentions of trying to use her new status in the community to take me down."  
  
Without a hint of fear or retreat, she watched Sonny take a step closer to her, invading her personal space, his face a mask of dark resentment and bitterness. She wondered briefly if he would ever know how much his bitterness and uncompromising attitudes had cost him.  
  
"Sonny, as I've told you countless times before, you are not the center of my universe or any other for that matter. Everything does not revolve around you as you are so intent on believing. I don't know where you get your information, but I have no intention of discussing my career with you today or any other day. Now please, if you don't mind, I have more important issues to deal with today, none of which include your tendency to throw a childish tantrum every time you feel someone stole one of your little building blocks."  
  
Ric watched Sonny's face contort with anger and when his brother took a step closer to Alexis, Ric intervened and pulling Alexis back he stepped between them taking Sonny's next verbal assault in the pit of his stomach as cold dark angry eyes fell on him.  
  
"How about it, little brother? Think if I take Alexis back to bed she'd get rid of that attitude?"  
  
Ric could not have stopped his response no matter how hard he tried. His hands came up quick as lightening and grabbed Sonny by the lapels on his coat and shoved him roughly against the opposite wall. The thud of his brother's head against the brick didn't register nor did the wince of pain that crossed the man's face. All Ric saw was the threat to someone he cared about… all he heard was Alexis' shocked gasp and the shuffle of her feet as she stumbled backwards at the cruelty of the man he held onto. He tightened his hold on the cloth fisted in his hands and wished with everything in him that it were flesh and blood he held with such a death grip.  
  
"Before I forget where I am, big brother and kill you on the spot, I'm giving you one chance to pack up that filthy mouth of yours and get out of here. Somewhere along the line at some time… there had to have been something decent about you in order for Alexis to give you the time of day. You need to go back to that time and find some way to remember that man. Maybe if you do that you'll find some slim chance waiting for you to redeem your worthless soul. Now get out of here before I call the precinct and have someone dispatched to pick up your sorry ass."  
  
Sonny struggled against the hold Ric had on him. Unable to break away he stopped fighting and looked up into rage filled eyes.  
  
"You're awful protective of Alexis, Ric. You two got something going?"  
  
"Sonny, you don't want to make a mistake and give me reason to have you arrested! I can you know. Little thing called harassment if you want me to list the charge."  
  
"Don't you ever get tired of threatening me, Ric?"  
  
Ric smiled coldly and cast a glance back at Alexis whose focus was once again on her daughter who still fought the effects of the preliminary anesthetic. She was having too much fun playing with Bobbie who wore a puppet on her hand. He could tell by the way Alexis was leaning heavily against the windowpane that she was holding on by sheer force of will. Looking back at Sonny his cold smile faded. It was time to end this. Alexis needed him and so did his niece. He was not going to take the chance of allowing Sonny to prevent him from giving them what they needed. Letting go of Sonny, Ric stepped back and smoothed the wrinkles out of his brother's lapels.  
  
"Actually I have gotten real tired of threatening you, Sonny. So I tell you what I'm going to do. Next time you get yourself into trouble… I'll send someone else to take care of it. You and I are through. I'm done with you… I don't need the aggravation anymore. So why don't you just turn around and go back where you came from. There's nothing here for you anymore."  
  
In that moment Ric figured a few of Sonny's dormant brain cells kicked in and he took the time to look around and figure out something serious was going on with Alexis' daughter.  
  
"Alexis, what's wrong with Kristina?"  
  
Ric moved closer to Alexis in an attempt to protect her from any more of Sonny's verbal abuse.  
  
"Not that it's any of your business..."  
  
"I wasn't talking to you, Ric."  
  
" Leave it alone, Sonny. There's nothing here for you to threaten, use or abuse. Just turn around and go on about your business."  
  
Sonny looked around Ric to Alexis.  
  
"Alexis?"  
  
"Just go, Sonny."  
  
Hearing the weariness in her voice, Ric laid a hand on her shoulder and looked back at his brother.  
  
"You've been asked to leave. Next call I make will be to the precinct. Have the decency for once in your life to put someone else before yourself, Sonny."  
  
Ric watched Sonny stare at Alexis' back for a few moments more then turn and walk away. He wasn't fooled. Sonny would be back… soon. Moving to stand beside Alexis he placed his arm around her and pulled her closer when her head fell to his shoulder. Her quiet whisper tore at him.  
  
"Why won't he just leave us alone? I can't make it any clearer. I don't want him anywhere near us, but he just keeps coming. What am I supposed to do, Ric? What can I say that will make him understand that he does not have a place in my life any longer? That is the way he wanted it. He chose to take himself out of my life. I don't regret leaving that relationship behind me, if that's what you want to call it. But why should I have to keep suffering for such a gross lapse in judgment."  
  
Ric raised his other arm and reaching turned her around to face him. Putting both arms around her he hugged her close.  
  
"Don't worry about Sonny, Alexis. He is about to find himself locked away for a very long time."  
  
Stepping back forcing Ric to release his hold on her, Alexis looked up with confusion.  
  
"What do you mean, Ric? He hasn't done anything to warrant an arrest."  
  
She watched Ric smile and waited for his answer.  
  
"Mark it down ADA Davis. Note the date and time when the great Sonny Corinthos made a mistake big enough to send himself to jail. We've got a red-letter day staring us right in the eye."  
  
"What are you talking about, Ric? I was here. I heard everything he said. You can't put a man in jail for making sleazy comments."  
  
Looking over his shoulder, Ric noticed Bobbie wave and recognized that Kristina was just about ready to give up her fight against the drugs to stay awake.  
  
"It's going to have to wait, Alexis. Kristina needs you right now. She's on her way to sleep and she needs to see you before she's completely gone."  
  
He noticed the horror cross her face and the guilt that immediately followed. He quickly did his best to reassure her that forgetting for a moment who and what circumstance lay just on the other side of the window wasn't the abomination that she imagined it to be. He lay his hands on her shoulders and turned her around so that she could see her daughter.  
  
"We're here… where we're supposed to be. If I had not noticed she was ready for you, then you would have noticed. It's perfectly understandable given 'his' role in all of this that your attention would be torn. Your fear of him is just as consuming as your fear of what Kristina is facing. We can do this, Alexis. The three of us! We'll be ready for him when we have to be. Let's just forget him for now."  
  
He couldn't read the expression in her eyes. It was one that he wasn't familiar with. She held his eyes with her own for a moment then reached up and caressed his cheek. Her touch was warm and sent an electric current straight to the core of his heart. She then turned without a word and entered her daughter's room. When he didn't immediately follow she hesitated holding the door open for him.  
  
"Are you coming, Uncle Ric?"  
  
His breath caught in his throat when she smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm coming." He stepped up quickly… eagerly catching the door as she released it and hurried to the bedside of her daughter. Watching her face as she leaned over Kristina, Ric suddenly felt a hint of envy in the pit of his stomach. What must it feel like to be loved so completely and unconditionally? Would he ever find someone's eyes so wholly focused on him? From the moment Alexis turned her attention from him to Kristina no one else existed and he suddenly wanted to be part of her world… part of the exclusive club that only those she loved and trusted were members of.  
  
"Ric?"  
  
He jumped slightly when he heard her quiet voice. Bringing his attention back to the present he noticed his niece reaching for him. Oblivious to the tears that threatened to blur his vision he stepped up to the small hospital bed and reached for the bundle of gold that held her arms out to him. Careful of the IV that was attached to her small arm he lifted her and drew her close within the circle of his arms. The tears that threatened to overtake him finally slipped beyond his control as he felt Alexis' arm settle around his waist as she laid her head on his shoulder allowing her to stay as close to her daughter as she could before the child was taken away. He felt her tears soak his shirt and he leaned his head over to rest against hers as he heard her quiet choked whisper.  
  
"I don't know that I can do this again, Ric."  
  
"Yes, you can Alexis. We can… together. We're going to wait right here until they bring her back to us and then we're going to wait just long enough for her to recover a bit then we're going to take her home where she belongs."  
  
Kristina reached for her mother and Ric released her immediately into the care of the woman who was quickly becoming more than a friend to him. He quietly stepped away from the two in order to give them some alone time before they were forced to be separated from each other. From the chair beside the window he watched them cuddle as the sun's rays quietly slipped through the window to capture them in its warmth. Nothing in his entire life had prepared him for the feelings that suddenly overtook him. In that small little hospital room, sitting there quietly watching the scene in front of him Ric knew that he wanted more than a home. Ric wanted to be loved and needed… he wanted a family to call his own… not just any family… he wanted this family. He wanted to be a part of what he was witnessing. He wanted Alexis… wanted more from her than just friendship. He wanted to build a life with her… with both of them. He wanted… needed Alexis to love him just as much as he found he was beginning to love her.  
Her eyes sadly found his as she laid her sleeping daughter back down onto the stark whiteness of the bed. His heart ached at the fear he saw in her eyes.  
  
Standing he joined her beside the bed and gently took her in his arms from behind as she continually ran her fingers through the soft curls of her daughters hair.  
When the interns returned to roll the little bed out of the room he held her tightly as she quietly cried murmuring words of comfort to her. Once the door closed behind them he turned Alexis toward him and embraced her as tightly as he could taking every trembling sob as though it were a bullet right to his heart. He felt her arms close tightly around him as if she could no longer trust her legs to hold her up. Nothing on earth could have taken him from her side in that moment. He would sit with her and wait for as long as it took for Kristina to be well enough to return home. His strength would be hers if she found her own waning.  
  
He felt needed and he held on to that feeling with everything in him. It felt good… it felt right… In the middle of a hospital room, holding tight to a woman he barely knew… Ric was coming alive… his heart was beginning to ache for things he couldn't recognize much less describe. Pulling Alexis closer, he bent his head and lay a soft kiss just above her ear.  
  
"Hold tight, Alexis. Hold on tight. We'll wait right here until our little girl comes back and then… then we'll go home and take care of her until she's well again. We'll spoil her until she's so rotten we'll have to figure out a way to get her unspoiled."  
  
Her muffled chuckle sent vibrations throughout his body and he couldn't help the shiver that passed through him. His face was red with embarrassment when Alexis looked up.  
  
"Are you cold, Ric?"  
  
"No, Alexis. I'm not cold, just tense and a little anxious. You haven't cornered the market on worry when it comes to that little girl."  
  
He felt shame for lying to her. He didn't want to lie. But, now was not the time to try and explain that his body was feeling things for her that he wasn't quite sure how to explain. It was a subject that would have to wait until a more appropriate time.


	8. Chapter 8

****

Chapter 8  
  
Kristina was home. And both Ric and Alexis were thrilled with the progress she was making in recovering from her surgery. Standing next to the side of her crib, Ric gazed down at his niece smiling. It was late afternoon… He hadn't meant to stay so long, but he just couldn't make himself leave yet. The hours that he and Alexis spent waiting in that small little hospital room three days ago still held him tied to both mother and daughter. Reaching down he moved a soft curl away from Kristina's face and remembered that one moment during their silent vigil that he couldn't erase from his memory. He and Alexis were standing by the hospital window, each leaning against one side of it staring out… waiting… He glanced over at her and felt his heart jump into his throat at the look of fear on her face. Assuming that she wished to be left in peace he returned his gaze to the parking lot outside. Ric didn't know what to do or say to ease her worry… or if she would even hear him should he try. He took a deep breath and began to release it when he suddenly felt the warmth of her hand slide into his. Without making a big deal out of her gesture he raised her hand and clasped it between his own and held them to his heart. He didn't look toward her or offer any words to fill the silence. She didn't need his words. She knew why he was there and that he wouldn't leave until they all left together. It was enough for her. And she said it all within the small squeeze of her hand within his and the look of gratitude she graced him with when her eyes finally met his. He wanted so much to pull her into his arms and just hold her, but he knew it would be too much. Alexis needed to stay strong and in control of her emotions. To relent and lean on him too much would make her too vulnerable to the emotions that she was holding such a tight rein on. For her daughter she needed to maintain the appearance of strong, un-nerved and confident. Ric let her have what she needed. He gave only that which she would allow and it was enough… for that moment.  
  
Pulling himself back to the present he laid his hand gently on Kristina's back then leaned over and lightly kissed her forehead. Straightening he turned to leave and found Alexis leaning against the doorframe smiling. He loved her smile… it was warm… inviting… and it always made him smile in return.  
  
"I was just saying good-bye. I think it's about time I let you two have your privacy back. I didn't mean to stay so long…" He was rambling and couldn't seem to stop himself. "I know she'll be waking soon and wanting her supper… so I'll just get out of your way…"  
  
"Ric."  
  
"I have to get to the office anyway. There's probably a stack of calls to return and cases to look over…"  
  
"Ric."  
  
"You'll call if anything happens, won't you? Not that you couldn't handle it… I just thought maybe I could help or something…"  
  
He suddenly found his mouth covered with her hand and his rambling stilled. The warmth of her hand doing what little else could to quell the nervousness he felt at being so close to her.  
  
"Ric, it's okay that you're here. It's okay that you wanted to check on Kristina. You've earned the right. Now stop your fidgeting and come talk to me. There are things that we need to discuss. You started something at the hospital a few days ago and now that Kristina is home and safe again it's time you explained a few things to me."  
  
Ric knew exactly what Alexis was referring to and it was a conversation that needed to be finished if they were going to be able to accomplish their goal of shutting down the threat of Sonny when he was finally faced with the existence of his first born. Nodding his agreement, Ric followed Alexis out of the nursery and joined her in the living room.  
  
She sat down on the sofa and turned to face him as he took a place beside her.  
  
"You said that Sonny somehow compromised himself enough to allow the justice system to put him where he belongs. Is that right?"  
  
Ric turned to face her and smiled.  
  
"Yes. That's what I said."  
  
"How, Ric? I was there I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary."  
  
"Alexis, how did Sonny address you when he spoke to you?"  
  
Ric waited for Alexis to recall the conversation and found himself physically holding onto his hands to keep them from reaching to smooth the frown lines from her brow. She was so beautiful… especially when she was intent on her own thoughts. He imagined she was totally unaware of the changing of her expressions as she tried to come to a conclusion of sorts regarding his question. When she finally looked up and caught him staring, her gaze turned quizzical at his grin.  
  
"Is something funny, Ric?"  
  
"No, Alexis. I just enjoy watching you sometimes. You're so intense in everything you do. You do it all full out… no hesitating… no questions… you just do whatever has to be done and keep walking."  
  
She smiled self-consciously.  
  
"That's not exactly true, Ric. I'm never sure of what I'm doing anymore unless I'm working on a case. And even then there are times when I have to make myself look like I know what I'm doing."  
  
"You're very good at it."  
  
"I have to be. People count on me to know what I'm doing and then doing it to the best of my ability. You have the same passion, Ric. You just have all that arrogance you were talking about to help sell your point of view."  
  
He chuckled and ducked his head, suddenly a little ill at ease in the knowledge that she had spent time enough studying him to know such a professionally intimate detail about him. He lifted his head when he heard her continue.  
  
"Evidently I'm not as good as I thought I was though, because I'm loathe to figure out how Sonny compromised himself in just that brief amount of time. He just wanted to ask the new ADA what her intentions were…"  
  
Without allowing her to finish, Ric interrupted her.  
  
"Alexis. I didn't tell Sonny that you were the new ADA. That information hasn't been released to anyone yet."  
  
He watched with amusement as she rose and began to pace the floor nervously.  
  
"There were only three people who knew you would be taking the position, Alexis?  
  
She stopped suddenly and turned to face him. "Who?"  
  
"You, myself and your predecessor."  
  
"Who would be Dara Jensen! Okay. So what's your point?"  
  
"Come on, Alexis. You're smart enough to figure it out. If you didn't tell him and I didn't tell him… "  
  
Her eyes grew wide then narrowed sharply.  
  
"_Dara Jensen_ is Sonny's source of information."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Still?" The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Ric watched Alexis' entire body change from one of concern to one of controlled intense anger.  
  
"What's going on, Alexis? What do you know that I don't regarding Dara Jensen?"  
  
Alexis turned her back to Ric and began pacing again. Dara! She should have known. From the first time she and Dara faced each other across the courtroom, Alexis knew that Dara, given the right motivation, could be a formidable opponent. But, from the moment she found out that Dara was on Sonny's payroll, Alexis made it her business to keep tabs on her every move. The manila folder that Helena had thrust into her hands so long ago to force the result she wanted in the Tony Jones case exposed Dara's involvement in Sonny's illegal business activities. Dara Jensen walked a fine line that often pulled the Five Families together in order to terrorize their way into conglomerations… property or whatever else proved important enough to pull into the underground world. Dara was also the liaison between the South American drug cartel and the Five Families. She did her job flawlessly and no one knew of her allegiance to both sides of the law. No one except Alexis! The file she kept on Dara saw quite a bit of activity while she was herself under Sonny's employ. Somehow she knew that it would be wise to keep an eye on Dara for anything that might threaten her in the future. But, since she and Sonny had parted, each going their separate way, Alexis lost her only means of watching Dara. Well, it seemed that Dara was still on Sonny's payroll and that was the only legal way to stop Sonny now. When Faith disposed of the Five Families and Sonny took over… it made him more powerful than anyone could have guessed or believed. It was why Alexis believed that Sonny now walked around as though he were invulnerable. The only thorns in his side now were Faith Roscoe and Lorenzo Alcazar. And it was only a matter of time before they turned up missing.  
  
Alexis looked back at Ric who still watched her intently. There was a decision to be made now. Just how much should she reveal to Ric? And could she really trust him not to blow their only real chance of walking away from the whole mess without losing anything of themselves in the process. Could she trust him to help her protect Kristina? The file that she kept locked in a safety deposit box beneath the halls of Wyndemere would be invaluable to Ric if he were still harboring any ideas about destroying his brother. No one knew how much information she had garnered about Sonny's business activities while she worked for him. Not even Sonny himself. She held enough proof of his illegal activities to send him to the electric chair twenty times over. And not once, until now, had she ever considered using it to her advantage. But, when it became clear that Dara was still working with Sonny, it changed everything. Sonny and Jason were a formidable force… but when you added Dara into the equation… Alexis wasn't left with any other choice but to do what needed to be done to make sure her child stayed safe. And she couldn't wait for Sonny to come to her… It was time for Sonny to learn what his life had cost him. It was time to pay Sonny a visit.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**  
  
Ric watched Alexis carefully for a few moments. He could see that she was shouldering a heavier weight now... one so much heavier than just the fact of her daughter's paternal parentage. Something extensive was going on and he suddenly wondered if she would trust him enough to share what she was thinking. Standing he crossed the room and stopped beside her.  
  
"So I guess this is the big test?"  
  
Alexis jumped when she heard Ric's voice beside her, so intent on her own thoughts that she didn't hear him approach.  
  
"What test?"  
  
"The test I'm going to have to pass in order to gain your complete trust."  
  
"It's not that simple, Ric."  
  
Moving away from him, Alexis made her way out onto the balcony of her apartment. After seating herself in the rocking chair she kept outside for evenings of quiet solitude with Kristina, she waited for Ric to join her and motioned him to sit in the chair next to her. Taking a deep breath she settled her thoughts and turned slightly to face him.  
  
"This is not about trust, Ric. This is about doing something that will destroy a man's life. That's not something I want on my conscience nor do I want it on yours. Especially if that man is your brother."  
  
"But Alexis..."  
  
"No. Let me finish, Ric. It is important that you understand where I'm coming from on this matter."  
  
"Okay..."  
  
Ric settled back and prepared to listen to Alexis explain her motivations knowing that no matter what she said, he wouldn't be able to stay out of the whole mess. He needed to be of some use to her... needed to find a steady place in her life... needed to be someone she could count on no matter what the cost. When he looked at Alexis he saw more than an attractive woman... more than an equal judicial adversary. So much more! In Alexis, Ric saw the potential of them together... as two separates merging into one. He saw how much she needed to be loved and cared for and knew he needed it just as much. Since becoming closer to Alexis he was privileged to be able to witness how single-minded she was in her ability to love. Alexis loved with opened arms... opened eyes... and opened heart. She also loved with one foot stuck in the door, ready to bolt at the first sign of conflict or abandonment with everyone except Kristina. Ric wanted to love Alexis as openly as she loved, but without the need to provide a way of escape. Ric didn't want a way out that he could depend on at the first sign of trouble. Ric wanted a lifetime of love and companionship; and while sitting next to her on that balcony four stories high waiting for her to finish her thoughts, Ric knew in his heart that he was ready to start hopefully bringing Alexis around to his way of thinking. He believed that she needed him just as much as he needed her. He reached out smiling gently and with a little fear of rejection took her hand in his entwining their fingers.  
  
"...go on, Alexis. I'm listening."  
  
Alexis' eyes lowered to their joined hands and felt a rush of heat up her arm. Her whole body tingled at his touch and then a feeling of peace settled over her. Instead of freeing her hand from his grasp as she would have done previously she leaned toward Ric the least little bit so that they could comfortably retain their hold on one another. Looking back out over the balcony rail, Alexis began to explain as best she could why she remained reluctant to use whatever means possible to take Sonny out of their lives for good.  
  
"Have you ever killed someone, Ric?"  
  
"No, I haven't."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Ric frowned at the question and stared at her a moment before answering.  
  
"That's not something I would forget, Alexis?"  
  
Alexis glanced at Ric and smiled with patience and past regret.  
  
"No, I suppose not. But have you ever considered that words can do just as much damage as any weapon you could hold in your hand?"  
  
"I don't understand, Alexis?"  
  
Releasing his hand Alexis anxiously stood and approached the railing. Staring out at the last remaining rays of the sun she hesitated a moment before turning back to Ric.  
  
"I have more than one man's blood on my hands, Ric. But only one of them died physically because of a weapon that I held in my hand. There are instances in my life where words that were thrown in the heat of anger and pain destroyed something inside of either someone I was addressing or someone who was addressing me. Words have power, Ric. I'm sure you know that. But, to take a litany of words and destroy the heart of a man without taking his life as well... don't you see how devastating that is. Take away what a man thinks of himself, his worth... his value and what does he have left worth breathing for. I know of what I speak. I myself have witnessed what happens to a man whose heart has been ripped from his chest because the very essence of who he is was stripped from him. Most of this past two years I have lived for my daughter... I survived because my daughter needed me. There were moments when my faith in myself was sorely tested... when I was confronted by the tirade of those who seemed to wish me harm. Their words doing more damage than any weapon they could raise against me. And in truth... I felt forced to use words in the same manner against them. All because the threat of losing something so precious to me rendered me incapable of acting rationally. I have no desire to walk that road again... but if I am to continue to protect my child... it seems that I may be left with no other recourse. I am not proud of what I have done in the name of saving my daughter... I have never considered myself a cruel or vindictive woman. But, right now... knowing what must be done to protect us all... what else am I left with."  
  
He was stunned by her comments and wanted desperately to be able to dispute them but the tears that slid down her cheeks and the far away look in her eyes stilled his tongue. In that moment he suddenly realized that her thoughts were no longer centered specifically on Sonny... Alexis was focused on events of the past. He wondered if she was talking about her brother or maybe she was referring to Cameron Lewis. Or perhaps she was speaking of her once long ago relationship with Ned Ashton. Ric stood slowly and approached her stopping in front of her. Lifting his hands he gently removed the tracks of tears from her face with his thumbs and smiled with understanding.  
  
"What can I do to help you resolve all of this, Alexis?"  
  
She looked up into his eyes and found nothing more than a sincere need to help her get through a difficult time.  
  
"Let me ask you something, Ric. If Kristina were your child... if it were your blood racing through her tiny heart and someone began to systematically tear you apart bit by bit to keep you from ever seeing your child again. What would that do to you, Ric?"  
  
Studying her intently, Ric stepped back and placing his hands on the railing looked down at the ground below finally fully understanding what they were about to do to his brother. His brother! His older brother! His blood! His mother's first born. A part of his own heart.  
  
"All my life there has been a small glimmer of hope that one day my brother would look at me and acknowledge the blood that binds us to each other." Standing abruptly he turned and faced Alexis. "I've stood on the sidelines of life waiting for a life to begin that should have been mine the day I was born. Sonny and I will never be brothers in the way I've wished for all my life. We will never be able to hold a civil conversation. I will forever in part be responsible for that tragedy through my misplaced hate and anger. Do I really wish any real harm to befall him?" Walking back to his chair he sat down and leaned his head into his hands full of remorse and regret for things that could never be. "No, deep inside... at the very core of who I am... I do not wish him harmed."  
  
Alexis followed him and knelt in front of him. Pulling his hands from his face she held them between her own and urged him to look at her.  
  
"Ric, I don't want to harm him either. He is the father of my child. She will one day want to know what happened to her father. How will I ever be able to explain to her that for her safety I deliberately destroyed her father? I can't lose my child, Ric. I can't lose her to his violent world... nor can I lose her to the truth years from now when she realizes what I did to her father. I can sit here and present scenario after scenario regarding how all of this might play out. But in the end it all comes down to a choice I have to make... a choice that I have already made. And I'm sorry for what this is going to do to Sonny; but right now, in this moment, I'm sorry for what it's going to cost you."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes, Ric. You! I will not only be extracting Sonny from my daughter's life; but I will be taking him from you as well. I don't take lightly what I am about to do. But, I don't see any other choice. He is not going to leave us alone even when he knows what I have against him. He will come at me with any means necessary to take Kristina from me... and once he realizes he cannot succeed within the boundary of the law... he will step outside of it and do whatever he has to in order to save himself and take her from me. You will lose any chance you ever dreamed of to reconcile with your brother."  
  
Freeing his hands from her hold he reached up and took hold of her face. Leaning forward he lay his forehead against hers for a moment then lay a soft brief kiss on her lips before standing and walking back to the rail. He understood now what this was costing Alexis. No matter how angry... how intent on keeping Sonny out of her life... she still cared about him. Just as he still cared about his brother. Neither of them wanted to hurt him... not this way. When all was said and done, Ric knew that Sonny would not survive if sent to prison. He would go crazy. But, what choice did they have. Alexis was right. Sonny would keep coming after his daughter until he finally had her within his grasp and neither Alexis nor he would ever see her again. Sonny would make sure of it. His niece would grow up behind the walls of a lonely fortress with only her father as company. She would never know the wonder of her mother again... would be deprived of a love that transcended anything he had ever been witness to. For all the suffering that he and Alexis would endure if Kristina were taken from them... Kristina would be the one to suffer the most because of the loss of the beautiful loving women who now stood behind him. He turned and took her hands into his own.  
  
"I'll ask again, Alexis. What do you need from me in order to keep my niece and her mother safe?"  
  
Alexis released the breath she unconsciously held and looked up into eyes that were clear and intense... full of trust and commitment. Ric was committing himself to her and her daughter. She was faced once again with the question of whether or not to trust someone other than herself. As she gazed up into his eyes... Alexis suddenly saw something more in his eyes. Ric not only cared about her daughter; Ric cared about her as well. Not as the mother of his niece... there was something more in his eyes when he looked at her. Mentally retreating from what she was seeing in him she refocused herself on his question. She was not ready for anything other than friendship with Ric Lansing... no matter how much her heart seemed to be telling her otherwise.  
  
"I need to be able to trust you to let me handle this my way, Ric. I need to be able to trust that whatever I tell you will stay between us and go no further unless we have no other choice. I need to be able to talk to you... ask your opinions... without fear of you taking off on your own and doing something rash. I need you to be my friend, Ric. Can you do that? Can you be patient and let me do what needs to be done... can you offer your wisest counsel if it seems that I might be on the verge of losing the ability to think rationally? Can you, Ric? Can you help me save my daughter by letting go of your need to best your brother?"  
  
Letting go of her hands, Ric reached around Alexis and pulled her into his arms. Persisting when she seemed to resist his offer of comfort he guided her head to lay on his shoulder he held her gently a moment before answering. This was his moment to choose the next course his life would take. His future was staring him in the face waiting for him to make the next move. Feeling her arms hesitantly rise to circle his waist, Ric knew without a second thought where his future lay. Turning his head slightly he lay a soft kiss on her forehead.  
  
"Alexis, my decision was made the first time my niece put her arms around my neck. And if there were any doubts remaining... they were gone the moment I felt your arms around me. You and Kristina are my family... you are my home... my heart... my future. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you to the best of my ability even if it is just keeping still while you do what you have to do. Trust me, Alexis. Trust me to do right by you and Kristina. Give me a chance to prove to you that I am a man that you can trust with your life as well as Kristina's."  
  
His heart jumped into his throat when he felt her lift up and kiss his cheek then hold him tighter. His ears just barely hearing her whisper...  
  
"Thank you, Ric."  
  
Standing in the circle of Ric's arms, Alexis' mind was racing. Her relationship with Ric was anything but simple. But standing there on the balcony of her apartment with his strong and comforting arms around her, for the first time in a long time, Alexis found herself unwilling to question the why of his actions. The largest fight of her life was staring her in the face and all she wanted in that moment was to lean on and absorb some of the strength Ric was offering. And whether she wanted to admit it or not, Alexis knew that Ric was slowly stealing his way into her heart.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**  
  
"So how are we going to proceed, Alexis?"  
  
"We're not, Ric. At least you aren't."  
  
"Alexis, don't do this alone. Let me help you."  
  
Smiling at Ric, Alexis turned from the balcony and laying a patient hand on his arm walked past him back into the apartment. Ric followed closely behind agitated that Alexis suddenly seemed to be shutting him out.  
  
"Alexis, you need help to do this even if it's nothing more than just being in the room when you confront Sonny. I can be there to support you and if necessary keep him from getting out of hand."  
  
Stopping by her desk Alexis reached for her purse and keys then turned back to answer Ric.  
  
"As much as I hate to admit it, I do need you Ric. I need you to take care of something very precious to me. While I'm busy tearing the heart out of my daughter's father, I need you to take care of her for me."  
  
"But, Alexis..."  
  
"No buts, Ric. I have to do this my way and just moments ago you said you would respect my wishes in this matter."  
  
His shoulders slumped a bit as he gazed at her knowing that all he could do was just what she asked of him and nothing more. If they were going to be able to build a foundation of trust between them, they were going to have to respect each other's independency.  
  
"Is there nothing I can say that will change your mind?"  
  
"No, Ric there isn't." Alexis stepped closer to Ric and allowed him to see her fear and her determination. "As much as I would welcome your presence with me when I confront Sonny, the need to protect any future relationship you may have with your brother is more important. Family is important, Ric. When all is said and done... they are all we are left with. Someday Sonny will understand that and when he does I don't want something you may have done on my behalf to be standing in the way of a reconciliation between the two of you."  
  
Awed by this woman's ability to put everyone else's needs before her own, Ric studied her for a moment looking for any tell-tale sign that she might be wavering in her position. He found none. While facing the monumental task ahead of her she chose to protect him and his future. Reaching out he drew her into his arms and held her gently giving as much of himself to her as she would allow.  
  
"Just remember one thing for me, Alexis. You are my family as well. And while I'm taking care of Kristina and you're doing what must be done... put to rest your fear and concern over your daughter. I will not let anything happen to her while she is in my care."  
  
Alexis smiled softly and returned his embrace. "I'm not worried about placing my daughter in your care, Ric. I know she will be safe with you."  
  
Ric felt his chest swell with happiness as he let Alexis' words sink into heart. She was trusting him with the most important thing in her world... her daughter's safety. He pulled her closer and tightened his embrace. His whispered, "Thank you" was choked and he pulled away turning abruptly away from her to hide his emotions. It wouldn't do for Alexis to think him weak... not now... not ever.  
  
"I should probably get going and let you get prepared for tomorrow."  
  
"Not yet, Ric. I need you to stay with Kristina for a while if that's alright with you."  
  
As Ric agreed to stay as long as she needed, Alexis turned back to her desk. Laying her purse down she picked up the phone and dialed the first professional number she memorized when she moved to Port Charles so long ago at the behest of her brother, Stephan. Her stomach in knots she waited for an answer.  
  
"Dara? This is Alexis. I need to speak with you as soon as possible on a personal matter. Do you have any free time tomorrow?"  
  
Ric stood quietly beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist... Her face told him she was determined... her body told him she was scared. He pulled her closer and urged her to lean on him as she completed the call.  
  
"Thank you, Dara. I'll see you at nine, then."  
  
Hanging up the phone, Alexis let her head fall softly to Ric's shoulder. There was no turning back now. The one task that she hoped would never come to pass was no longer a question mark... She turned and pulled Ric closer. She needed his strength... his support... his care. Resting her head underneath the curve of his jaw she drew a deep breath and released it slowly. His arms were warm and comforting around her. She was loathe to leave the circle of his arms, but there was no other choice. She needed to prepare for tomorrow. Sighing heavily she stepped back and as their arms fell away from each other, Ric suddenly caught her face in his hands and leaned down to lay a whisper soft kiss on her lips. She was unaware of her body's reaction to his overture until she realized they were no longer standing apart. She was holding onto him as though her life depended on his next breath and the force of his arms was threatening to take her breath away. The keys that she never laid down clattered to the floor and surprised them both. The loud noise caused them to jump apart.  
  
Ric shyly spoke first. "I'm... I'm sorry. That was... inappropriate. I didn't mean to take advantage of a bad situation. I just... just..."  
  
"...got lost in the moment?" Alexis chuckled with embarrassment.  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
"Don't worry about it, Ric. It seems I was just as willing to get lost. I guess with everything that is going on... it's okay. No harm done. I think it's best though if I go and take care of what I need to before it gets too late... so you can get home at a decent hour."  
  
Turning swiftly she reached for her purse and jumped slightly as his hand fell on her arm. Looking back toward him, her eyes found his for the briefest of moments before she dropped them again uneasy with the tension in the air now. She looked down at the floor to find her keys when they were suddenly being held out to her. It stunned her to see Ric's hand tremble a bit. She looked up again to meet his eyes as she allowed him to place her keys in her hand. What she saw in the depth of his eyes caused a wealth of confusion to settle on her.  
  
"Ric?"  
  
"Just go, Alexis. Please. I need you to go... "  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"No... Yes... I don't know. I need... I need to figure out a few things and I can't do it if you're here. So please... go do what you have to. I'll be fine by the time you get back." He laughed softly as a red hue spread across his face. "Maybe I'll have a little talk with my niece and ask her what just happened here."  
  
She chose dry humor to ease the tension before she left.  
  
"I would prefer it if you didn't spoil my daughter's innocence just yet, Ric. There is plenty of time down the road for that to happen without you or I trying to explain something neither one of us understands."  
  
Ric watched her turn toward the door and slip through it quietly. He didn't know why he kissed her. He didn't know why she responded so openly. In that moment he simply wanted to give her anything he could to help her get through a difficult time. But, the moment his lips touched hers... he was lost. He felt her lean into him and her arms wrapped around his neck... her fingers slipping through his hair set him on fire and he couldn't reign in his response to a body that met every curve in his own. They held onto each other as though there were no tomorrow. Had Alexis not dropped her keys there was no telling how far they would have gone and that scared him. She needed him to be strong for her... she needed him to be someone she could depend on. There was too much on the line for him to blow it now. But standing there in the middle of her apartment... alone... with the taste of her still taunting him... Ric didn't know how he was going to be able to keep his hands off of her anymore.  
  
Alexis wasn't faring any better than Ric in trying to settle the confusion about what was happening between them. As she drove toward the docks on her way to Wyndemere, Alexis found herself remembering what it felt like to be in a man's arms. In her brief time with Cameron, she wouldn't allow herself to feel the emotions that were natural between a man and a woman. During that time she simply didn't have the capacity to focus on anything other than regaining custody of her daughter. And because of that the chance to see if anything of substance could have developed between them slipped by. She thought of Cameron often and missed him. She regretted never telling him how much he meant to her... how much she appreciated the help he gave her in the struggle to put her life back together. In looking back, she suddenly wondered if Cameron was the one man who could have made a difference in her life. They fought constantly, but Alexis knew in her heart that Cameran had only wanted what was best for her. As she sat there only half concentrating on her driving... thinking of Cameron... Ric's face suddenly appeared in her mind and without noticing a smile swept across her face as she shook her head back and forth with wonder. How in the world did Ric become so important to her and her daughter? How was it that he was able to plant himself so firmly into their lives? And why wasn't she fighting it? In fact she almost welcomed his intrusion into their lives and that disturbed her on more than one level.  
  
On the ferry crossing the channel to Wyndemere with the wind whipping her hair around her face, Ric continued to invade Alexis' thoughts. She came to the conclusion that it was probably his boyish charm that originally attracted her to him. He played havoc with her need to remain reserved and in control of every situation. His constant taunts regarding her 'need to be near him' were ridiculous, but he seemed to be able to get the response he was looking for every time. The wind caught and carried her sudden laughter across the water at the amusement she was finding in the whole situation. But no matter how amusing she now found their daily banter... night was falling and Ric was waiting for her to return home. With that thought Alexis shivered at the visions that unexpectedly invaded her mind. Visions of nude flesh entwined erotically... sounds of passionate release filling her bedroom... the sweet taste of salty skin wet with exertion... arms pulling her close in the aftermath and finally waking to a new day with those same arms reaching for her again.  
  
"**_STOP IT, ALEXIS_**!" The man piloting the ferry turned quickly at her angry outburst. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I was just talking to myself. I know... I sound like a raving lunatic."  
  
"Yes ma'am... I mean... No ma'am. Sorry. Just not used to people talking while on board."  
  
Red with embarrassment Alexis replied nervously. "No, I imagine not."  
  
Not wanting to give the pilot any further reason to think her unstable, Alexis turned her thoughts to the task of retrieving the files she would need for her meeting with Dara the next morning. She would meet with Dara first, then encourage Dara to set up a meeting with Sonny at the earliest possible time. Attempting to put together how she would address Dara, Alexis found her thoughts returning to Ric and sighed in defeat. One way or another they were going to have to settle what was between them so she could regain some semblance of control over her errant mind.  
  
Awaiting Alexis' return... Ric was sitting comfortably on the sofa after checking on Kristina. He looked around the room, then got up and started to circle the room looking at all of the knick knacks spread around... toys... books that interested her... files that lay perfectly aligned on her desk... immaculate kitchen with an empty refrigerator save a few bottles and jars of baby fare... perfectly made bed with a robe lying across the foot... Ric suddenly became aware of where his curiosity had led him. He was standing in the middle of her bedroom... staring at her bed... inhaling deeply of the scent that filled the room even in her absence. Stepping further into the room he reached down and picked up the silk robe from the bed. Bringing it up he buried his face in its soft folds and inhaled deeply. His body betrayed him as her image appeared before him... adorned with the robe he held in his hands, its folds partially open to his wandering lust... she lay before him... arms reaching for him... waiting for him to replace the robe with himself. Standing there in her bedroom with visions of her assailing him, Ric shuddered at the intensity of his desire for her. Throwing her robe down, he ran from the room suddenly aware of his intrusion into her private haven. Ashamed of himself he returned to the sofa and falling into it tried desperately to stop the raging fire that was burning out of control in his body. He couldn't let his desire for her ruin the trust she was placing in his hands to protect.  
  
An hour later, Alexis slipped through the door to find Ric asleep on the sofa with Kristina spread out across his chest. 'Lucky girl', she thought then quickly reprimanded herself. Kneeling beside them she lay a gentle hand on her daughters back and realized she was sound asleep. Standing she bent over and very carefully pulled her daughter into her arms completely aware of the touch of her hands against the solidness of Ric's chest. Just as she began to lift Kristina, Ric's eyes opened. Electricity suddenly filled the room generating from the single spark that ignited as their eyes met.  
  
"Uhmm... I'm just going to lay her down in her bed... so you can... go..."  
  
"And if I don't want to?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Go."  
  
Alexis straightened and turned away. She looked back briefly...  
  
"Let me put her down and I'll come back so we can talk."  
  
"No, Alexis. That won't be necessary. Just let me say this one thing and I'll be on my way."  
  
Concern filled Alexis at what Ric needed to say to her. Did she go too far? Was he upset at the way she kissed him earlier? Her thoughts were flying so chaotically she didn't realize that Ric had stepped closer. His hands reaching for Kristina caused her to jump.  
  
"Hey... it's just me. I can see by the look on your face that you've totally jumped to a wrong conclusion. Let me put Kristina down then I'll come back and we'll finish this. Nothing to worry about, Alexis; so just relax."  
  
Taking his niece from her arms, Ric walked steadily toward her room and gently laid her down. Waiting a moment to make sure she wouldn't wake, Ric bent down to kiss her lightly on the forehead, whispered 'goodnight' then returned to an anxious Alexis.  
  
"I was thinking while you were gone. I think we both realize that there is something going on between us that neither one of us was expecting. Personally I'm intrigued by the possibilities of what could happen here. And I don't want to scare you away or anything, but I think it only fair for you to know where I'm coming from."  
  
Seated on the sofa, Alexis fidgeted nervously and that was the one thing Ric didn't want. He didn't want her nervous around him or scared of him or her feelings. Sitting down beside her he resisted the urge to reach for her.  
  
"Whatever may or may not happen between us needs to be put on hold until this thing with Sonny is resolved. I don't want to be the cause of you not being able to concentrate on what you're doing. You need to be focused on this battle and I don't want to do or take anything from you that will split your attention."  
  
Her eyes were wide with astonishment; her jaw slack in surprise. He reached... and touched her cheek softly trailing his finger down toward her chin and smiling lifted to help her close her mouth.  
  
"Don't misunderstand me though, Alexis. Once this whole thing is resolved... you need to be prepared. I'm going to come after you with a passion that will leave you gasping for breath."  
  
Alexis' jaw dropped again. He was serious. She could tell by the look in his eyes.  
  
"Ric..."  
  
"No. Don't say anything, Alexis. I don't even want you to think about it. All I'm doing is letting you know my intentions and why I'm fixing to get up and walk out that door without looking back. I can't take the teasing by sitting here any longer."  
  
"I'm not..."  
  
"...teasing?" Ric laughed. "Alexis, you tease me every time you walk into a room. And you are not even aware of what you do to me every time you walk within 10 feet of me. I'm not used to a woman having that kind of control over me. So... you stay where you are... I'm leaving. I'll be here at 8:30 in the morning to take Kristina with me until you are ready to have her come home. We won't discuss this evening at all. We are just going to act like it never happened."  
  
"How?" Alexis screeched.  
  
Ric winked at her grinning widely. "The way you always do, Alexis." He rose and turned toward the door. He heard her quiet voice just as he reached the door.  
  
"Ric?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You tease me, too."  
  
He walked out grinning like a fool.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**  
  
He'd barely slept all night. He couldn't remember the last time tantalizing forbidden thoughts had kept him from sleep. What little sleep he was able to steal came at the cost of dreams too erotic to allow him to rest. He awoke from every dream with sweat trickling down his chest and sides soaking the bed beneath him. The sheet that covered his hips was so saturated that the evidence of his need for release taunted him mercilessly. When he could no longer stand the agony, he got up and stripped himself of the clinging black silk sleepwear. Slamming his fist into the hallway wall as he made his way purposefully to the bathroom.  
  
The cold tile of the bathroom felt good under his feet. Reaching inside the shower he angrily twisted the blue labeled knob to the on position then stepped in shuddering violently as cold water callously cut through the unshared stifling heat of his body. A splintered agonizing gasp exploded from his lungs. Raising his arms he leaned against the wall of the shower with a deep sigh, his head absorbing the force of the spray allowing the water to run down his face in rivulets, at times blinding him. But to close his eyes... To close his eyes would again invite the haunting fiery fantasies of love with Alexis to the forefront of his mind.  
  
The same fantasies that drove him from sleep time and again through the night would again steal their way past the glacial chill he now welcomed, rendering the effect of the cold water coating his body a lesson in futility. His fists were clenched so tightly they shook with barely contained anguish as the heat he couldn't control on his own drained down every muscular curve of his body to the floor to swirl down the dark drain along with the tainted water as though it too were waste. But how could this heat of passion ever be thought of as waste? This heat... this bonus of a man's desire for a woman... not just any woman... but her... only her... this woman who was slowly driving him mad. Waste? No! Never could this passionate heat of desire be considered waste.   
  
Finally shivering from the icy bite of the steady spray he turned to stop the relentless assault upon his body and left the confines of the shower wrapping a soft white towel around his waist refusing to dry the remaining drops of water from his body. He needed them... needed the air-conditioned atmosphere of his apartment to maintain the chill of his skin. It was better that way... no chance for his body to betray him again. Stepping up to the mirror above his sink he reluctantly peered at himself in the mirror.  
  
"Just another day. Right buddy?"  
  
Opening the cabinet he pulled out his shaving mug and brush from its depth and again reaching for another blue labeled knob soaked the bristles of the brush then stirred up a healthy lather in the mug. Mechanically he began to coat his face with the menthol scented soap creating a mask of white underneath eyes that showed the signs of his restless night. With his face coated he reached down and picked up his razor and began to methodically draw it down his left cheek... always the left cheek first. The task so familiar it required little or no thought... so as routine dictated he was left with the job of collecting his thoughts for the day. He tried to convince himself that there was nothing out of the ordinary about the day... There were no secrets to be revealed; no plots to undertake. No woman to start a slow smolder in his flesh. He cleared his throat and shook his head, tossing her image aside.  
  
When his eyes once again met his reflection in the mirror... the face he expected to see suddenly seemed foreign to him. He didn't see his soapy likeness in the mirror; he saw a mask – a guise of sorts to hide behind. The razor in his hand stilled as he faced the stranger in the mirror. Faced with nothing more than a mask to cover the literal man, he was left with one defining question. Who was he? Who was the man hiding behind the mask? Deep down Ric was afraid. He knew he was still hiding from something – or maybe protecting himself from something or someone. A stark image of himself suddenly exploded into his mind. He saw a shadow of himself sitting alone in a jail cell. Hair matted and hanging down to his shoulders unkempt and dirty. A beard resembling the tangled scraggly mess matted and long enough to rest against his chest. It no longer mattered why he was imprisoned... what mattered was the mask he wore when he walked out of that prison two years before. Ric continued to stare at the ghostly image he now saw in the mirror. He wore that mask when he walked into Port Charles – pretending to be someone else. He'd lied to everyone. But that scheme was long ago exposed now. Stupid decisions. Stupid mistakes. Lessons learned. There were no more rash and outrageous schemes to take his brother down – this time Ric was operating under the shield of the law.   
  
Was he still wearing that mask? Perhaps to hide himself... from himself! As her image once again floated across his mind he somehow felt that the questions he now faced were rooted in Alexis.   
  
"Who are you, Ric Lansing?" he questioned aloud.   
  
Bringing the razor back to his face he slowly began to shave again. As each stroke of the blade exposed his bare skin he wrestled with himself and the feelings that were now disturbing him.  
  
Was his attraction to Alexis real or was he merely playing out a desire to have what his brother once held on to? Were his feelings for her real? He remembered his thoughts of a few nights previous. Was he really falling in love with her or was he just playing out another scheme against his brother... and his sudden devotion to Kristina? Was it only a means to possess a piece of Sonny's life? Was he so perverse in his need to best his brother that he had actually considered destroying their lives just to further his own?  
  
The razor stilled once more as the magnitude of his thoughts hit him full force. What kind of a man was he really behind this mask he still seemed to be wearing?  
  
He shivered as a blast of cool air from the overhead vent hit him and he again remembered the aroused state of his body when he left the twisted sheets of his bed only a short time ago. Was the desire he awoke to this morning just a mere side effect of the game he had been playing since arriving in Port Charles? And what if there were no longer a game to be played... no longer a war to win? Would he still have feelings for her? Would they be real? Would he still crave her body in reality as he did in his dreams? A pinprick of pain made him gasp and jerk the blade away from his skin.  
  
"Damn."  
  
A drop of blood slowly appeared mixing with the remaining residue of soap still on his skin. Ric stared mesmerized! Something of worth was suddenly appearing through the face of the mask. Dropping the razor he quickly grabbed a tissue and held it to the cut a few moments then pulled it away to find the bleeding stilled. It was just a nick, just a small imperfection that would soon disappear.  
  
He peered intently at the tiny circle of bright red blood on the white tissue. One tiny drop that would never again pass through the corridors of his heart! Would he miss this lone isolated drop? Would it be the one that would forever tie him to the dark bitterness of his life? He fingered the drying blood with his other hand as he contemplated the implications of this one tiny drop of his blood. His heart... useless without this one substance that gave it a reason for being; one could not hide from its purpose. Blood was life... it was real... and true.  
  
"What's in this blood of yours, Ric Lansing? Does it still carry a hopeless vendetta against the world... against your brother?"  
  
He sharply threw the tissue toward the wastebasket and felt a prick in his heart as though the death of that one drop was grievously mourned. Choosing to ignore the pain in his heart he picked up the razor to stroke away the last bit of soap from his right cheek. He swished the razor clean in the basin and then watched the soap and tiny whiskers travel down the drain out of site just as the heat of his body had in the shower earlier. Could he take away the mask this easily? Who was the real Ric Lansing? Was it the one who stood on the balcony with Alexis the night before or was it the animal who was released two years before to end the life of a man whose blood was the same as his own?  
  
He grabbed a towel from the silver rack and dried his face while removing the last remnants of soap as well. Placing both hands on the basin he stared intently at his reflection. He hesitated before saying the words that screamed for release recalling Alexis' previous warning regarding the power they could hold over a person. Was it even right to think this way when he was so unsure of his feelings and intentions? The question echoed in his mind, "Is it a vendetta?"  
  
"Or is it love?" he asked himself aloud.  
  
He turned and walked out of the bathroom.  
  
Still clad only in a towel, the cool air in the hallway tickled his skin and goose bumps blazed a path up his arms and chest as he made his way back to the bedroom. It was much warmer there. His heated thoughts throughout the night and morning warmed the room better than any electrical appliance ever could have. He shook his head back and forth as he gazed at his bed, sheets in disarray – evidence of his restless night. _Restless body in the night - restless mind at morning light_, he thought.   
  
He imagined Alexis tangled in rumpled sheets, asleep to the world. Was she restless too? Sometimes he thought so. He knew that he aroused her just as she aroused him. Her interest was very evident in the way she responded to him when he kissed her. But at the same time he knew she would fight those feelings to the very end. Was his interest in her a mistake? Was she able to see something that he couldn't? Vendetta? Or love? It was a question that he desperately needed an answer to.  
  
Maybe if he could just see her, really look at her, into her eyes... Would he be able to uncover the real man behind the mask then? Would the clearness of her vision lead him to his answer? He shook off his thoughts and pulled running pants and a T-shirt from the shelf in the closet quickly dressing in order to escape the four walls that were suddenly closing in on him.   
  
A red-orange sun rising from the horizon greeted him as he stepped outside. A brisk chill filled the air that suggested the need for a jacket, but he didn't have it with him. He remembered leaving it draped across Alexis' desk chair when he left her the previous evening. It didn't matter though. He wanted to feel the cold air against his skin. It would clear the cobwebs from his head and if he did get cold all he needed to do was return his thoughts to the dreams that awakened him throughout the night. They would provide enough heat if needed. But he doubted he would need them. They would only be a distraction and this morning he wanted no distractions. He needed to sort through his thoughts to discover the origin of his feelings. Which ones were true, if any, and which were manifestations of his obsession with Sonny.  
  
The deep color of the sun penetrated through the clouds and lit up the sky like a flame. Its red hue reflected off the fallen leaves and contributed to the feeling of being surrounded and consumed by fire. An old saying from his life on the Vineyard suddenly tickled his memory, _red sky in the morning - sailors take warning_.  
  
He began to run.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

Alexis awoke before her six o'clock alarm sounded. It was far too early for her to be awake considering how late it was when she finally laid down the evening before, but given her disturbing frame of mind it was useless to stay in bed any longer. Her dreams left her exhausted, and her thoughts were now far too chaotic to even attempt to try dozing off again. She was familiar with each of the nightmares that ripped her from sleep. They were always just a nap away any time she was confronted by Sonny. And she was sick of his ghostly hold on her every waking thought as well. Reaching over she reset the alarm and sat up shoving the dreams out of her mind just as emphatically as she pushed the rumpled sheets away from her legs before swinging them to the floor. She didn't have time to deal with her personal fears this morning. Preparing herself for the confrontations she would face during the day was more important than allowing her fear of 'what ifs' to take any more of her mental strength. Her attention immediately turned to her first appointment of the day. She was anxious about both events that would take place during the day, but the outcome of her meeting with Dara would have a great deal to do with how she proceeded with the way she handled Sonny.

Thinking of her nine o'clock meeting with Dara Jensen, Alexis found herself both nervous and exhilarated. Her confrontations with Dara were always exciting to a certain degree since over the years Dara had proved herself to be a worthy adversary. She suffered through a few losses at the hands of Dara, but her victories were enough to keep Dara on her toes and hungry. And although this time she knew she would win, the excitement came from shutting Dara down and getting closer to neutralizing Sonny. If truth be known though, Dara was motivated not by the thrill of victory as much as she was besting a woman who knew too much about her, and never knowing when that information would come back to haunt her. There was a certain exhilaration in not knowing the outcome when faced with a formidable rival in a legal setting. Unable to stop her musings, an image of Ric in his double breasted blue pin-striped Armani and his Hugo Boss slip-ons crept into her mind and she couldn't stop the sigh of enticing pleasure that the image prompted. He certainly was dashing when standing in a courtroom unaware of her eyes on him. As she sat thinking about him, Alexis felt a slow burn start to build deep inside and her hands began to tremble slightly. She was more than a little scared at how her body was starting to behave around Ric. It was unnatural... for her... now... with a child..._ 'O great, Alexis. Real Nice! Stop it! You don't have time to be daydreaming about Ric Lansing of all people.'_

Standing and stretching to wake her body she pushed her thoughts of Ric aside as she did the bedclothes earlier and turned her thoughts toward Sonny, a much safer subject. If her meeting with Dara went as she hoped it would, Sonny wouldn't hesitate to accept her request for a one-on-one meeting. In fact, he would be hard pressed to respect her appointment schedule and would demand her attention immediately. To be able to force him to adhere to her schedule would be the first initial win in her bid to achieve complete success in her campaign. For the first time in their turbulent history, Alexis knew she held the upper hand. In accepting the position of Assistant District Attorney she automatically acquired the legal access to more resources than ever and with the information she held against Dara she thankfully wouldn't have to jeopardize her license by violating her attorney-client privilege with Sonny. Any investigator worth their fee who began a search of Dara's activities outside the limits of Port Charles' jurisdiction would eventually lead them directly to Sonny. Alexis was safe. At least her career was. But what of her life? And what about Kristina's life?

What a difference two years could make in the course of one's life. Sonny Corinthos. Racketeer and Mobster! Seditious! Arrogant! Client and Confidant! And... her best friend! An unexpected connection somehow developed between them during their time together that led to a complicated trust. A trust they both began to depend on when no one else understood the complexities of their separate lives. And unwittingly Sonny fired a passion within her that she desperately tried to deny. A passion she gradually began to misinterpret as love resulting in one night of blind consuming surrender that changed her entire life. And now here she was, meticulously plotting to put her child's father in prison for the rest of his life or given the files she suspected Dara possessed... the death sentence. It was a result that turned her blood cold... but her daughter's life was on the line. Nothing was more important to her than the safety of her daughter. And if she couldn't attain the results she needed with the files, then she would play her trump card. Kristina. Kristina was the trump card that would seal Sonny's fate. The question was, would Sonny make her play it.

Alexis squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to clear her mind of the guilt that threatened to slip past her resolve. Reaching into her closet she pulled her silk robe out and wrapped it around her then padded her way down to Kristina's room. It was a ritual she indulged in first thing every morning. It served as a reminder of every morning since the day of her birth that Kristina did not wake up in her own room. Leaning slightly over the crib, Alexis let her fingers lightly touch the curls of her daughter's hair and she reassured herself as well as her sleeping child by quietly whispering, _'no matter what, my little bit of heaven, we will never be apart again. Mommy promises you she will always be here for you and do whatever she has to for you to stay safe.' _Standing quietly beside Kristina's crib watching her sleep the sleep of innocence with all the pain and fear of the surgery behind them, she once again thought of Ric. He gave both she and her daughter a shoulder of strength to lean on throughout the past few days and he supported her when fear and exhaustion threatened to overwhelm her. Standing there staring down at her daughter Ric's words of a few days ago suddenly echoed in her head, _"This little girl means more to me than I ever expected her to."_

His words shocked her and left her speechless. Something was happening to Ric. She could see a change in him. He smiled more and there weren't quite as many rough edges as there once was. She caught herself more than once staring at him from across a room full of people. And she enjoyed they way they both could hold a conversation at the same time and actually retain the others words over their own. His intelligence stimulated her and she found it refreshing to find someone as intellectually sound as she was to interact with. But it was within the fours walls of her bedroom late at night when his face and a simple remembered touch was all that stood between her and the admission that she found him desirable and she couldn't stop the craving of her body for his. Her eyes closed as one of her more sensual dreams floated through her memory of an unclothed Ric massaging her body with warm oil... his bare legs straddling her hips as he rocked... slowly... seductively...

"_STOP IT, ALEXIS_. You can't do this now," she whispered to herself heatedly. Tossing her hair out of her eyes she turned and headed to the bathroom to cool her crimson cheeks.

Considering the early hour of the day and the sweet smell of victory in the air, Alexis decided to indulge herself a little before the chaos of her two-year-old started her day. Leaving the side of her child's crib with one last look she left the room and headed toward the bathroom with the anticipation of a relaxing respite bringing a smile to her lips. Turning on the bath water she dropped a hand full of bath beads filled with essential oils into the tub as it filled. Her smile grew as the room began to fill with the scent of night blooming jasmine, one of her favorite aromas. She pinned up her hair and slipped out of her silk pajamas. Just before stepping in she sprinkled several effervescent bath crystals into the water and watched them begin to dissolve. Knowing how they would feel against her skin she quickly slipped into the bath and sinking slowly into its depth moaned with delight as her body began to relax. She lay there for a while and tried her best to sweep all thoughts of her day to the side. She just wanted to relax for a while without worry... without fear... and without the insistent knocking of an impatient Ric Lansing on her hearts door. Settling a little lower into the bath so that the water covered her shoulders, Alexis closed her eyes and let the bubbling tablets caress and titillate all around her body on their way to the surface. As she lay there enjoying the sensation, her errant thoughts began to imagine Ric's fingers tickling and taunting her... dancing over her skin drawing from her a passionate sigh of pleasure. The unexpected sound in the silence of the room startled her causing her eyes to burst wide open as she realized her thoughts had wandered yet again. Alexis swore and sat up quickly sloshing water over the side to pool on the floor.

"Damn it, Alexis. Today is not about Ric Lansing. It's about your daughter, Kristina." she scolded herself.

Exasperated with her traitorous thoughts she stood abruptly and reached for a soft body wrap towel. As she wrapped the towel around her and stepped out of the tub she sat down at her vanity and reached for the moisturizing lotion. Applying it generously on both her arms and legs she managed to momentarily put Ric out of her mind in favor of more immediate concerns. Finishing with the lotion, she stood up and stepped over to the sink. The mirror was misty from the hot steam of the bath and wiping the glass a few times with her hand she frowned at the continued cloudy image of herself. Wiping the mirror again she was startled by a second image appearing over her shoulder.

"_She will never suffer because of who I am or who her father is if I have to kill us both to keep her safe,"_ the image echoed to her.

She spun around but he wasn't there. Ric's words haunted her no matter how sincere he sounded when he first spoke them. Was he telling the truth? Would he keep her secret? Surely if his intentions were to use the information he would have done so long before now! There were plenty of opportunities in the recent past to tell Sonny. In fact, several of those opportunities would have worked to his advantage and played right along with his insane vendetta. But he didn't. And Alexis considered, weighed and analyzed a host of reasons as to why he didn't use the information, never once being able to settle on a logical reason for his lack of action.

Opening the cupboard she took out a washcloth and some cleansing lotion. Dipping the washcloth in hot running water she paused recalling how naturally Ric took to Kristina – how he was able to sooth her with a warm cloth on her pained ear. Granted, Kristina was his niece. But still. _"Your daughter is my home now."_ Alexis shivered.

Home. Family! Things that were too often missing in her own life! Leaning forward she began to wash her face smiling absently, imagining his lingering touch drifting down her cheek in place of the washcloth she held in her hand. She had to admit, Ric certainly stirred something wild within her. Her eyes sprung open.

"Snap out of it, Alexis."

She quickly finished wiping the cleanser away and then draped the cloth over the side of the sink. As she began to brush her teeth Ric's smile once again appeared over her shoulder in the reflection of the mirror. How could she deny having an attraction to him. He was invading too many of her thoughts lately and it never occurred to her to entertain the thought of an actual relationship. A relationship! She shuddered at the thought telling herself in no uncertain terms that she had done perfectly fine without that type of association since the day she and Ned parted ways. She was strong and capable. She didn't need a man to validate her worth.

"Who needs them, anyway?" she muttered through the toothpaste.

Rinsing the toothpaste from her mouth she looked back up at her reflection smiling deliberately. _That's a phony smile_, she said to herself and tried again. _You aren't a cheerleader, Alexis. Try again. _She tried out several different smiles in mirror. She finally sighed with irritation when she couldn't figure out which smiling face looking back at her appeared to be the true Alexis.

"What could he possibly see in you, anyway?" she said disgustedly as she turned and walked out.

A slight chill rippled up her body as she emerged from the steamy bathroom and turned into the hallway heading toward the kitchen to start a pot of coffee brewing. There was enough time for a leisurely cup on the balcony while she refocused on her thoughts regarding how she would begin her meeting with Dara. When she reached the living room on her way to the kitchen a dark object draped across the arm of her desk chair caught her eye.

'_Ric's jacket'_. She thought. Since it was an unseasonably warm evening the previous night he probably didn't remember having it with him when he arrived; that and the fact that he was distracted when he finally did leave. She walked over to the chair and picked it up. It was the first time she'd seen him wear a jacket that wasn't a suit or an overcoat. The thought that he would even own this type of garment never entered her mind. She was accustomed to seeing him immaculately dressed for court. Running her fingers over the leather material she inadvertently released the lock she placed on her thoughts only moments before. To imagine him in something more casual – T-shirts, jeans, shorts maybe; the prospect was just too inviting to dismiss. As his image casually drifted through her mind her legs suddenly felt weak. She imagined him wearing shorts and a T-shirt, perhaps after playing racquetball with a colleague. His hair tousled, his skin gleaming with perspiration. His... Her body jerked in alarm as she became fully conscious of where her wandering lustful thoughts carried her.

"Damn it, Alexis. You can't keep doing this. You have a job to do today and you have to stay focused. Nothing can come between you and what you have to do today. Go get your coffee and try to act like a responsible adult for once." With that she threw Ric's jacket across the room to land on the sofa and she marched emphatically toward the kitchen.

Minutes later with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand, Alexis opened the door to the balcony and as a few stray streaks of sun began to reach up from the horizon she sat down and began to review her strategy for the day.

There were two ways she could handle the problem with Dara. She could go in with the intent of taking Dara down with Sonny or she could offer Dara a deal. She could hand over her files regarding her activities with Sonny in exchange for a more lenient sentence! Alexis wasn't sure why she was reluctant to devastate Dara's future. But something was telling her to proceed with caution and compassion. Sitting there watching the sun rise slowly, Alexis began to concentrate on why she was hesitating in her actions toward Dara.

In all of her previous dealings with Dara, the one thing that remained a constant with her rival was Dara's dislike of any attempt to bend the rules. In fact, the only evidence proving a compromise of her legal ethics was just the services she provided for Sonny. Something wasn't quite ringing true about Dara's association with Sonny. With that thought, Alexis leaned forward and looked down into her cup thoughtfully. Watching the coffee swirl around the sides of the cup, cooling its heat down to an acceptable temperature, Alexis suddenly wondered if Sonny was blackmailing Dara. The thought stunned her and forced her to her feet. She turned and leaned heavily against the railing cupping her hands around the warming cup. Alexis spoke softly to herself trying to work out all the aspects of her suspicions. _'If he's blackmailing her, then just maybe today will become a sort of reckoning day for Dara as well. If I can get her to see things my way, that is.' _

Excitement began to build in Alexis. The more she thought about the contents of the file versus the woman that she worked with for the past few years, the more sense it began to make. What she needed now was the 'why' of Dara's actions.

But what about Sonny? What came next? In adding to the whole spectrum the idea of Sonny abusing Dara's legal ethics and forcing her to compromise herself day after day for his gain, Alexis found herself getting angry. She'd rehearsed several scenarios in her mind based on the extent of his anger, but it was always with her own frame of mind being calm and resolved. And she knew with a doubt that the only way she could successfully deal with Sonny was with an even steadfast calm temper. Rerunning each scenario again and this time including Dara's involvement she still came up with the same dreaded conclusion – revealing Kristina's paternity. Was this the right time? She knew that eventually it would have to be done. But was she ready to deal with the consequences now? Her courage started to wane and her fear started to rise. _"No, I can't let him scare me this time. Too much is at stake."_

Walking back inside, Alexis paced a bit trying to calm down and suddenly found herself beside the sofa reaching down for a soft brown leather jacket. Picking it up she walked around to the front of the sofa and placing her cup on the table sat down as she slipped her arms into the large sleeves and wrapped the jacket around her body. Leaning back she snuggled further into the warmth of the jacket and smiled. She whimsically wondered if she would be afraid of Sonny if she wore Ric's jacket when they met. With the support he had freely offered her over the past few weeks would it be so far-fetched to think she could depend on the strength of his shoulder even if he weren't in the room. Unbidden and without warning a picture of Ric in nothing but a low-hung towel exploded in her head and white heat began racing through every vein of her body leaving her gasping for breath.

Her head snapped to the left as a quiet knock on her door brought her swiftly... and guiltily to her feet. Who could be... She remembered... She froze.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**  
  
Ric stood outside her door breathing heavily wondering how he ended up on her doorstep two hours early. He couldn't remember passing the courthouse, or the hospital, or his brother's place. But he knew he passed them, otherwise he wouldn't be standing at her door. It was 6 miles between his place and hers and his legs should be burning from his run. But surprisingly they weren't. In fact, he felt like he could run 6 more. What thoughts consumed him so much that he became unaware of his surroundings? The answer was in the reason he now stood hesitantly in front of her door. She did. The touch of her skin in his dreams… her lips teasing him, her laughter, the way her legs entwined with his, or wrapped around him as they drove each other over the edge into a freefall of ecstasy. He felt the heat building once again and quickly jerked his thoughts away from his dreams once again… the same dreams that landed him in a cold shower only an hour before. There was no question of how he found himself on her doorstep two hours early. But how was he going to explain it to her; because it was no longer a question of 'if' he would knock, but how long it would take him to build up enough courage. He took a deep breath and raising his hand… knocked softly.

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The knock startled her. Her thoughts, ardent… prurient… her cheeks infused with the scarlet hue of guilty pleasure stolen from within the soft delight of his jacket. Standing quickly she looked down at the coat now hanging loosely around her then back toward the door, loathe to separate herself from its hold on her. _Who could be so thoughtless as to call so early in the morning?_ She asked herself with irritation. _'There's only one that would be so brazen, Alexis. Well, maybe two!'_ she spoke aloud as she thought of the only other person in Port Charles who possessed such audacity. But something deep inside whispered seductively. It was Ric standing outside her door… waiting. _'Question is do you want to answer or pretend you're still asleep?'_ she asked softly. Taking a few hesitant steps toward the door the heaviness of the leather moving around her drew her to a sudden stop. _'Real smart, Alexis. Just what kind of lunatic would he think you to be if he saw you wearing his jacket at this hour of the morning._ Her musings brought a deeper hue of embarrassment to her cheeks as she quickly slipped it off and threw it back on the chair then readjusted her robe to make sure she was completely covered.

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Standing there shifting from side to side, waiting for her to answer the door, fear suddenly assailed him. What if when he saw her and there was nothing inside… nothing that made him want to pursue the dreams and emotions that forced him into that cold shower? What if his attraction to her wasn't so pure after all… that as much as he hated to entertain the idea… maybe he was attracted to her because of what she once shared with his brother? He didn't want to betray the trust that was building between them. But here he was– standing outside her door having just knocked lightly on the door. Maybe she didn't hear it and he'd be safe. He could just jog back home and come back later. No harm done. Turning slightly to leave he stopped. The desire to see her again crept upon him. Why was it so important to see her now? Taking a deep breath he turned back to her door and tried to envision her… where she was in the apartment… what she might be doing. Was she bending over Kristina once again just watching her sleep as he had caught her doing on more than one occasion. _'I NEED to see her.'_ His mind screamed. He needed to see her early in the morning before she was able to don her protective suit of armor and the unshakable voice of strong unrelenting determination. He wanted to once again take in the aroma of her home – popcorn, perfume and baby powder. He wanted to see the woman… the soft… beautiful… warm hearted… exciting and so very desirable woman he knew she instantly buried beneath a mountain of betrayal and pain anytime someone got too close… no matter their intention.

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She reached for the door and before her hand grasped the cold handle she stopped. Her thoughts going back to how many times his face had interrupted her early morning quiet time. Everywhere she looked now she could see him in her home. Playing with Kristina in the floor… sitting with her having lunch… sharing a cup of coffee… putting Kristina to bed and kissing her tenderly… holding her as she helplessly stood vigil over a healing child… leaning against the railing of her balcony, arms crossed against a lean broad chest as he argued case law… strong shoulders… caring eyes… the warmth of a soft kiss against her cheek… his charm and kindness during a difficult time. And most especially the way he looked at her when he thought her unaware. Ric wanted so much more from her than she was ready for; which brought her back to the present; again flushed with her own inability to control her traitorous heart, mind and body. What could he want so early in the morning? Or could she possibly have given him the wrong time to arrive?

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So just how was he going to explain his sudden appearance at her door so early in the morning? He couldn't tell her he just wanted to look at her again – reassure himself that his attraction to her was real and not built upon a shaky foundation of misguided hate and retribution. He again remembered his thoughts as he passed landmark after landmark on the run that led him to her door. When he left home he was so sure that if he looked at her – really looked – he'd know. He would know in his heart that his intentions were honorable… pure… noble. Now he was once again filled with doubt. It wasn't just a matter of whether he loved her or not. The one fact that he was sure of was that he cared for her – cared so much that he couldn't dream of hurting her intentionally. And turning up on her door so early… it wouldn't sit well with her no matter what the excuse was. He turned to go and winced as the sound of a lock being turned suddenly filled the silence of the hall. He hesitated before finally turning around to meet her gaze.

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Reaching for the door she straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath to calm the chaos of reluctant eager anticipation. She opened the door slightly and peered out. He was facing the opposite direction as if to leave. She noticed his soaked shirt and the ends of his hair curling with the sweat that was slowly making its way in droplets down his neck. Her palms itched to run her fingers through those curls and lay them down, to pull the shirt from his body and warm the chill he must be feeling. She jumped as he suddenly turned and met her flustered gaze. Opening the door wider, she leaned against the doorframe trying to settle a look of indifference on her face. Not an easy feat to accomplish considering how adorable he looked.  
  
It would have been almost comical if they weren't trying so hard to keep each other from catching the slightest hint of unease. Trying to maintain a face of friendly care – both fighting to hide how stunned and unsure they felt at not knowing how to react to such early morning contact.  
  
He was stunned at how beautiful she looked. She was freshly bathed… her face flushed, he suspected from the heat of her bath. Her scent reaching through the air to tantalize and tease him. The silk covering her body and clinging to her in the most delectable places. Standing there looking at her, Ric felt his heat begin to rise… all his doubts and fears left somewhere in the recesses of his mind. Her quiet husky voice took hold of his lungs and pulled them relentlessly up into his throat choking back any response he may have been able to coherently return.  
  
"You're early."  
  
He looked down at the floor unable to meet her eyes for one more second lest he give away the reaction his body was having at being so close to her. Swallowing the unease and embarrassment he felt at being unable to restrain himself he shrugged sheepishly.  
  
"I know." His voice sounded weak and he paused to mentally deal with his errant thoughts and reactions to seeing her so intimately attired. "I woke up too early and couldn't get back to sleep. As you can see…" He spread out his arms and looked down at his running pants. "I'm not dressed for court." He chuckled nervously again and leaned toward her conspiratorially. "But then, neither are you counselor," he said teasing her.  
  
Reflexively, she quickly pulled her robe tighter and slid her hands up to the lapels closing the gap that scarcely exposed her body to his sight. She followed the path his eyes took and bit back the gasp of curious shock, as his eyes grew darker with unveiled desire, only serving to further entice her already heated skin.  
  
Noticing her discomfort, Ric relented and put away his tendency to allow humor to get him through difficult or tense situations. He suddenly caught sight of his jacket lying across her chair and jumped at the chance to provide himself with a plausible excuse for disturbing her so early. "I thought I'd take advantage of the sunrise and go running. I got a little chilled and realized I'd forgotten my jacket last night."  
  
"Oh," she gasped. "Of course, it's right here."  
  
She turned and reaching for it nervously jerked it toward her inadvertently causing the chair to fall over from the force of her action. As it fell, the arm caught her on the shin and she cried out at the pain that shot through her leg.  
  
Ric rushed in and shoved the chair away from her with his foot, his arms catching her around the waist as she bent to try and massage the pain away.  
  
"Are you alright, Alexis."  
  
"Yes." She groaned with thinly veiled anger. How could she be so stupid? He must think her a total clutz! Her hands lifted to close around his to pry herself from his hold, but he tightened his hold and firmly led her to the sofa.  
  
"Relax, Alexis. I'm not going to hurt you."  
  
"I didn't think you were."  
  
"Okay, so let me reassure you that I don't intend to seduce you this morning either."  
  
Her face flushed hotter at his words as she tried desperately to hide the effect of them in her eyes and across her cheeks. "I didn't expect that either, Ric Lansing. And stop trying to embarrass me into doing what you want me to do. I'm fine. It was nothing."  
  
"Sit down, Alexis and let me take a look. If it helps just imagine I'm your good buddy Jax just trying to make sure that you didn't hurt yourself too badly."  
  
The retort was out of her mouth before she could think twice. "I don't know, Ric. Jax was pretty good with his hands when he was motivated." She realized her mistake when she saw Ric's expression change. For the briefest of moments she saw how much she hurt him and she was ashamed of herself for being so callous to a man who had been nothing but supportive to her over the past few weeks. She reached out and touched his cheek bringing his eyes up to meet hers.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ric. That was uncalled for."  
  
He tried valiantly to ignore the green queasiness of jealously in the pit of his stomach. "No. It's fine. I know you two are close. It's fine… he probably would know how best to help."  
  
His voice held the smallest bit of a quiver and Alexis couldn't let it go. She needed to make him see that she really was sorry for her careless words. "Ric?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Would you let go of my leg, please? It's fine. There will probably be a bruise, but that will be the extent of the damage. I'm much more concerned with you right now."  
  
He stood and turned toward the door but stopped as he felt her hand slide into his. A memory of their first kiss assailed him. She was drunk… he was laying groundwork… As the memory flashed across his mind, his guilt rose and took hold of him once again. He stepped back away from her as she rose from the sofa to stand beside him. Feeling her hand steal up to caress his cheek he jumped away from her as though her touch burned him. Just as she witnessed the result of her careless words moments before, Ric saw how much his response to her touch hurt her. Not knowing what else to do to try and explain his reaction, he reached for her and pulled her roughly into his arms. "Don't, Alexis. It wasn't you. I've been fighting demons all morning and I didn't want them to come in here with me, but they did and I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to jump like that, but something is going on inside me that I'm fighting to understand with every bit of logic and feeling that I possess. Please believe me, it wasn't you. It's me. I don't know what I'm doing anymore or where I stand or if I have a place… if it's me that wants this so much or that other guy." So consumed with trying to undo the damage he caused, Ric was unaware of just how much of his personal thoughts he was opening up to her.  
  
The confused and emotion driven words that poured from his mouth startled her and she finally understood that Ric was in trouble and didn't know how to ask for help or even if he was inclined to ask. Whether he wanted it or not, Alexis felt it was her responsibility as part of his new 'family' to press for further explanation. Taking his hand she sat down pulling him with her.  
  
"Sit down, Ric. We need to talk."  
  
Suddenly becoming aware of the position he put her in, he tried desperately to shift her thoughts away from him.  
  
"You're right, Alexis. We need to talk. But not this morning! In fact, this is not doing you any good. You have a full day ahead of you and you have to be strong and in control without any distractions. You have to be at your very best. Today is too important for us to let anything get between you and the result we are depending on. So, I tell you what. Let's draw up a verbal contract right now."  
  
She looked at him skeptically. "A verbal contract, Ric? Whatever it is that you're trying to do in an attempt to divert my thoughts, it won't work."  
  
"That is not what I am doing, Alexis. I agree that there are a few things that I should discuss with you, but I'm just not ready. And as much as I would like to sit here with you and pick your brain about a few things, this is not the right time. So, I propose that we set aside some time after you get done with your objectives for the day. How does that sound?"  
  
She smiled reluctantly. "It sounds like you are trying to placate me into seeing things your way. And because today is so important to all three of us, I'm going to allow you to get away with it."  
  
He grinned charmingly. "And since it's so rare that you give in to me I'll just say thank you and leave it at that."  
  
She laughed. "Just don't make the mistake of thinking I'm going to forget this little verbal contract you've set in place, Ric Lansing. I may be a lot of things, but forgetful is not one of them."  
  
"I understand completely. And I promise not to renege on my promise."  
  
"Fine. Now, since it's too late for you to go home, get washed up and come back in time to pick up Kristina before I have to leave, would you like a cup of coffee?"  
  
He frowned at the suggestion and she chuckled. "It's okay, Ric. I followed the directions that you left taped to the cabinet to the letter and since I've already had one cup and it didn't kill me, I think you're safe."  
  
"You followed my directions?" He asked skeptically.  
  
"To the letter." She assured him.  
  
"Well… okay. I'll try one then." He replied trying to hide his smile.  
  
"Well, don't kill yourself with the effort on my account." She retorted trying to stiffle her laughter.  
  
Taking her hand he pulled her toward the kitchen finally unable to withhold his laughter any longer. They entered the kitchen laughing together… companionably.  
  
Moments later they were sitting at the table, each a little uncomfortable with the silence… each not knowing what to say to fill the silence. They weren't accustomed to impromptu personal chit chat. Their conversations were mostly centered around work and, of late, Kristina. A sweet smell of jasmine tickled Ric's nose and he inhaled discreetly. Her whole body seemed to be bathed in it and he was beginning to lose control again.  
  
She was peering at him from beneath the bangs that hung loosely down her forehead. She covered her mouth to try and hide the chuckle that was threatening to betray her. It was useless.  
  
"What?" Ric asked grinning at her attempt to contain her laughter.  
  
"It's just that…. I'm just not used to you… you know, without your clothes on."  
  
He smiled and bit his lower lip enjoying her highly suggestive yet unguarded words.  
  
Alexis realized her error and quickly tried to cover. "I mean… I mean without a business suit - wearing other clothes, in other words. Not looking so… official." Mortified, she ducked her head as for the umpteenth time that morning a blush stole across her face. "I'll shut up now."  
  
Ric laughed.  
  
"No, no, no. I know what you mean. I've never seen you quite so…. " He raised his eyebrows flirting a little while admiring the silk robe that clung to each tender curve.  
  
She pushed at the hair piled haphazardly on her head and smoothed down the silk of her robe.  
  
"I just treated myself to a good soak this morning. I had a hard time sleeping too – anxious about my meeting this morning and everything. Kristina was asleep. So I indulged a little."  
  
He smiled, looked down and scratched is head nervously suddenly aware that she was being less than forthright about her uneasy night. But she was being more open with him and he felt it only right that he return the favor by opening a part of himself to her. But he was ill prepared for his own lack of attention to words. "I had a dream about you last night," he replied and suddenly remembering what the thought of his unbridled erotic dreams did to his body gingerly shifted in his chair and covered his lap with his napkin.  
  
"Are you sure it wasn't a nightmare?" she asked facetiously with a teasing smile.  
  
"No," he laughed and quickly began to invent a story that would take his mind off the growing problem hiding beneath his napkin. "It wasn't, actually. You sort of blasted into my office and demanded I drop all the charges against your client. You were really mad at me."  
  
"Certainly sounds like it was a nightmare. So, uh, who was the client?"  
  
"You were representing yourself – which, by the way, you should know better."  
  
"Hey, it wasn't my dream." She interjected zealously. "So just what was the charge anyway?"  
  
A silly old song immediately erupted in his head, _Love in the first degree_. He shook it off with a chuckle.  
  
"Shoplifting."  
  
"Shoplifting?" she asked in disbelief.  
  
"Apparently you'd stolen something. I can't remember what it was. Silly dream."  
  
"That is a definite understatement."  
  
Silence again - but no longer an uncomfortable silence. Each wondered what the other was thinking about  
  
Alexis pointed toward the kitchen. "Would you like another cup?"  
  
Looking at his watch Ric shook his head. "No. Really. In fact, you should probably think about getting dressed and ready to go while I look in on Kristina. It's getting late."  
  
"You're right… which is getting to be a rather irritating habit lately." She laughed. "Just make yourself at home and I'll go get ready."  
  
She started toward her room and reaching the hallway she lay her hand against the cool wall and looked back over her shoulder when she heard his quiet voice.  
  
"Alexis?"  
  
Her eyes met his.  
  
He smiled with genuine affection. "You're beautiful in the morning."  
  
He raised his hand to wave her on as though his words were the most natural thing in the world to send her on her way. She smiled at him then turned and retreated to her bedroom closing the door softly behind her. Leaning against it she wrapped her arms around herself and let his soft words fall around her again. She felt each one of them lay claim to her heart and she couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face as she pushed herself away from the door. It was time to begin the ritual that would change her from Alexis Davis, the woman who needed to love and be loved; to Alexis Davis, the woman who would stand against any storm to protect what was hers.  
  
Turning around Ric walked to the desk and reached down to push the chair back into place and picked up his jacket that again lay casually across the back of the chair. He grinned as the scent of jasmine drifted up to entice his senses. Bringing the jacket up to his nose he breathed deeply. There was no mistaking the scent. She had enticed him all morning with it. His grin widened. She'd worn his coat sometime during the night or morning. He couldn't contain the joy he felt at being unintentionally introduced to such an intimate moment between Alexis and her body's awareness of him. Shaking himself free of her hold on his thoughts he grounded himself in the realities of the day. While Alexis was out tending to the legalities and assurance of maintaining full custody of her daughter, it was Ric's job to take care of Kristina and see that no harm came to her while in his care. It was a job that he took more seriously than he did his position as District Attorney. Alexis was counting on him to come through for her. And he wasn't about to let her down. Not this time… not ever again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**  
  
Alexis stood at the door of Dara's office and took a deep breath then released it slowly. It was all she could think to do now to calm her nerves. Once she walked through the door, there was no turning back. She unconsciously rolled her head from side to side to relieve the tension in her neck then lifting her hand knocked twice. Only moments passed before the door opened and she stood face to face with Dara Jensen.  
  
"Good morning, Dara."  
  
"Alexis."  
  
Stepping into the room Alexis felt the weight of what she was about to do fall on her shoulders and with great determination she lifted her chin and forced her shoulders back in order to bear the burden. It was impossible for her to foretell the emotional outcome of the day's activity. But she knew without question that lives would be changed... in most cases she hoped for the better. All save one; the only one in all of her years in Port Charles who was somehow able to reach into the deepest part of her and accept her strengths and weaknesses... her joys and sorrows. He stood by her through the good and the bad, the hard days and the easy; the one she had promised to remain friends with... to the end... Now the end was upon them and he would know it by the close of day. Sonny's life of privilege and ease was over. She took a ragged breath and apprehensively took a seat in front of Dara's desk. Today would cost her... in sadness, regret, and in the knowledge of what could have been. Before facing the moment of applying the final stabbing wound to a heart she once held very close to her own, Alexis began to prepare herself to accept the responsibility for virtually taking a man's life from him. It was going to be an impossibly difficult day.  
  
As Dara sat down behind her desk, Alexis couldn't ignore the look of mistrust and dislike in Dara's eyes. She didn't really blame her. They found themselves on opposing sides of the courtroom quite often. And, more often than not, Alexis was the one to walk away successful.  
  
Dara sat back and leveled a curious intense gaze at her adversary. The memory of their first court appearance as opposing counsel wasn't one she enjoyed remembering, but it always reminded her of the type of attorney she was up against when the two of them found themselves in court together. It was for that reason alone that Dara accepted Alexis as a client when faced with her own legal problems. Dara fully believed that you should always hold your enemies close. Especially when those enemies held information that could destroy not only your career but your life as well. To find herself now seated across her desk from this woman whose eyes held the same reluctance they had eight years earlier, Dara knew her life was once again about to be put on trial.  
  
"What can I do for you, Alexis?"  
  
Taking another deep breath, Alexis began the task of tearing down the walls of protection that Dara had carefully and meticulously constructed around herself to hide her other life.  
  
"Dara, I have been forced into a position that leaves me no other recourse but to do what needs to be done in order to protect everything that I hold close. You know that I will do anything within my power to protect my family. So I will tell you up front that before this day is over, one of your clients will know that his days of freedom are numbered."  
  
She watched Dara stand abruptly and walk to the water cooler in her office. She drew a cup of water then returned to her chair.  
  
Draining the cup, Dara decided to play along for as long as possible to get as much information as possible. She finally responded caustically. "So you've come here to threaten one of my clients? You've drawn your little line in the sand... and you appear to have the confidence of a woman who knows she's already won the war without firing the first shot. So I'll ask again, what is it you want from me?"  
  
Feeling the restrained ire of a woman on the edge, Alexis calmly continued trying to remain as unthreatening in appearance as possible. The ultimatum she was about to deliver would be threatening enough without adding unnecessary emotion to the situation.  
  
"Well, you're right about one thing, Dara. I have already won the war on this one... the only question remaining to be answered is whose side will you choose to align yourself with? The one where you get to walk away unscathed or the one where you join your client in prison?"  
  
Trying desperately to hide her unease, Dara forced herself to take on a look of exasperation and anger.  
  
"Alexis, I don't know what you're talking about and before you waste anymore of my time... I have other appointments today."  
  
"I'm sure you do, Dara. But none are more important than this one. Because your life depends on the outcome of this meeting."  
  
"You know I don't respond well to threats, Alexis. So why don't you just say what you've come to say and then get out of my office!" Dara was beginning to lose patience and it was evident in the tone of her voice. She could hold her own while defending a client, but to find herself having to defend her own actions; she never handled it well.  
  
Reaching down beside her chair, Alexis picked up her briefcase and placing it in her lap leveled one last look at Dara.  
  
"As much as you dislike me Dara, you need to know that I have never done anything to _deliberately_ harm or discredit you in any way. I actually happen to think that you are a very good attorney... you just chose to use your skills in a less than admirable way... as I once did." With that Alexis pulled the file from her briefcase and placed it gingerly on the desk within Dara's reach.  
  
Afraid to reach for the file, Dara's eyes met Alexis'.  
  
"The last time you handed me a file to read with a warning attached, you blackmailed me into dropping a case. Are you blackmailing me again, Alexis? Because if you are, you need to know up front that I am sick and tired of people manipulating me and the law I serve to get whatever it is they want."  
  
Alexis smiled sadly. "Dara I certainly do hope that is true. If fact I'm counting on it."  
  
"What do you mean... counting on it?"  
  
"Just look at the file, Dara."  
  
Picking up the file, Dara opened it slowly and began to peruse page after page until she reached the last. Then closing it, she reached for her phone, dialing curtly.  
  
"Maggie, hold all my calls and cancel my next two appointments. I do not wish to be disturbed at all."  
  
Replacing the receiver, Dara stared at the file in front of her.  
  
"What do you want, Alexis?"  
  
"Your help."  
  
Dara was flabbergasted. "Help? You walk in here with a file that could put me in prison and you want my help! Lady, you have lost your mind... again?"  
  
Ignoring Dara's derisive remark regarding her recent deceptive foray into the land of insanity, Alexis stood and walked to the water cooler this time drawing two cups of water. Returning to her seat, she placed one in front of Dara.  
  
"It's not you I'm after, Dara. Although I would like to know how it came about that you found yourself working for Sonny these past ten years; an association that I'm almost certain you are not a party of because you want to be. And I draw that conclusion from the lack personal interest within that file you're holding. There are a lot of contractual drafts in that file. Drafts that passed between you and Sonny on more than one occasion when you needed to add addendums or changes of any kind. I guarantee you if I were to look at any of your other files, there would be notations in the margins... details written in that popped into your mind at inopportune moments, details that you needed to remember. Items noted that you wanted to make sure you imparted to your client. There are very few personal notes on any of those files in your hand, Dara. If my suspicions are correct, you are not employed of your own free will. What does he have on you, Dara?"  
  
Picking up the cup of water in front of her, Dara studied Alexis a moment trying to figure out what her objective could be. She certainly didn't seem angry or ready to debate her association with Sonny. She sipped some of the water to wet her dry throat before answering.  
  
"Sounds like you're willing to listen rather than judge my actions, Alexis. That would be a first for you and I. So tell me why you're not handcuffing me right now. As the new ADA, you certainly do have the right."  
  
Alexis smiled sadly. The two of them could have been friends once, before they were both compromised by the pull of outside forces; she with her brother and Helena; Dara somehow through Sonny.  
  
"You're right, Dara. I do possess the ability to arrest you and send you away for a long time, but that's not what I want, especially if my suspicions regarding your association with Sonny are true. So, I'm leaving how we handle this up to you for the moment with an offer of possibly trading a little information later to seal a rather unorthodox alliance if I'm satisfied with your explanation."  
  
Dara stood and walked toward the window in her office keeping her back to Alexis. She didn't care to have Alexis see how much her alternate life still tore at her making every day an effort to just get through without losing her sanity. Sonny Corinthos and his demands on her had in some ways destroyed her career, her love for the law and the passion she enjoyed during her first years of practice. That which she loved so much was now tainted. She began very quietly telling the story as if she were a spectator sitting in the dark recesses of a movie theatre.  
  
"I have two brothers. I'm sorry... wrong choice of words... I had two brothers. One of them is now dead and buried in a hole somewhere in the coffee bean fields of Puerto Rico. He worked for Sonny Corinthos. I didn't know he worked for Sonny; in fact I lost touch with him when I entered law school. The last time I saw him was the night the three of us celebrated my passing the bar. I knew something was wrong with him. Jared, my younger brother, and I could see there was something seriously bothering Ty. He was nervous and he kept looking over his shoulder every few minutes or so. He was only with us for about an hour before he left. I saw him look around at one point and his face paled, he stood, said he'd see us later and practically ran from the room."  
  
Remembering the last time she saw her brother, Dara fell silent. Alexis softly coaxed her to continue. "Who did he see, Dara? Who scared him?" She watched helplessly as Dara's head fell forward and Alexis could see her desperately trying to keep her emotions under control in order to finish the story. Her heart aching for the woman, she offered what little help she could.  
  
"It was Sonny, wasn't it Dara?"  
  
"Yes." Dara replied with a choked restrained voice.  
  
"Did you know who Sonny was at the time?"  
  
"Yes. And by his reaction to seeing Sonny I knew that Ty was in too deep for me to be able to help him. I glanced at Sonny after Ty left the table and he was staring at me like I was his number one enemy or something. I was worried about Ty... I couldn't just sit there and wait for my worst fears to be realized. So I sent Jared home and made my way over to Sonny's table. His eyes were so cold and heartless. I could feel chills running all over me standing in front of him."  
  
Dara stopped again reliving the moment so Alexis again gently pressed to continue.  
  
"What did you say to him, Dara?  
  
"I asked him what his business was with my brother. He smiled that cold dead smile of his and said, 'So Ty is your brother. Tell me Miss Jensen. Do you have any idea what your brother has been up to lately?' And knowing Ty, I knew he was probably working some get-rich-quick scam or something. He was never satisfied with enough... he was always looking at what others had and measuring himself against them. He was smart and handsome and faced with a future that could have taken him anywhere he wanted to go, but he threw it all away just because everything he ever wanted wasn't given to him on a nice silver platter."  
  
Her voice choked and Alexis stood and approached Dara quietly. She placed a comforting hand on Dara's shoulder and mentally winced when Dara looked up at her. In that moment, Dara reminded her of herself and the effort it took to get through a day shouldering the weight of a past that could at any moment drop and crush you beneath its magnitude.  
  
"Come on, Dara. Let's sit down. You need to take a break."  
  
"No. I need to finish this. I've never told anyone the story before... not even Jared. Just let me get through it."  
  
"Alright. But at least sit down so the weight is easier to bear."  
  
Dara gazed up at Alexis surprised and studied her a moment. "You actually get it, don't you?"  
  
Alexis smiled and led Dara to sit down on the couch that lined one wall. "Yes, Dara. I get it. How could I not? You know my family and what they are capable of. And I suspect you also know that, like you, I will do and have done whatever was asked of me to protect them."  
  
"I never thought of it in those terms before. Every time we faced each other in court, my only thought was to win in the most honorable and ethical way I could. Somehow, I thought it might make up for the other part of my life. But, you kept winning and using whatever means possible to do so. I hated you for taking from me the only way I knew of to balance the scales of my life."  
  
"I'm sorry, Dara. I wish I had known what you were up against."  
  
Dara laughed cynically. "Don't apologize for being more inventive than I, Alexis. Maybe I should start taking a few lessons from you instead of resenting you for being more creative."  
  
The story wasn't finished, and Alexis felt adequate time was given to allow Dara to compose herself enough to continue so she reached over and lay her hand on Dara's arm. "Why don't you go ahead and finish, Dara. Let's get this over with so we can focus on other matters."  
  
Seeing the concern and willingness to help her get through the rest of the story Dara smiled at Alexis genuinely for the first time and sat back to try her best to relate the remaining events as best she could with as little emotion as possible. It wouldn't be easy, but the comfort of Alexis' hand on her arm helped. She didn't feel quite so alone anymore in the daily war she faced just to be able to live with herself.  
  
"Sonny asked me to join him and I did because I wanted to know what the association was between my brother and a mobster. He asked me if I knew that he was a coffee importer and I told him I was not familiar with any of his business activities and didn't care to be. He smiled again and picked up his wineglass and twirled it a few times before looking at me again. I was getting scared. He was playing cat and mouse and I knew that I was the mouse in his peculiar game, but I wasn't left with any other choice. He finally asked me if I was aware that my brother worked for him loading and unloading cargo. I told him no I didn't know that Ty worked for him. He laughed that cruel evil laugh of his and very calmly tore my life apart with his next question. He asked me if was also not aware that Ty was hi-jacking those same ships in his spare time."  
  
Dara reached toward Alexis and caught her hand with a frantic pleading look in her eyes. "I didn't know, Alexis. I swear to you I didn't know what Ty was doing."  
  
"I believe you, Dara. I believe you didn't know." Alexis reassured her softly and gently kept her on track by leading her to what she deduced had happened. "Ty was hi-jacking Sonny's ships..."  
  
"Yes. And it wasn't just once or twice. I found out that over a span of 3 years, Ty had hi-jacked and sold the load of 6 barges to a renegade faction in the heart of Bolivia who in turn re-sold it for a substantial profit. The total sum of those barges was in excess of 10 million. And Sonny finally had enough proof of who was behind the operation to shut it down and the reason he was at the restaurant that night was to let my brother know that he wouldn't see the sun rise again. And he didn't. Ty was found in the water off the docks the next morning with a bullet hole in his head and no evidence anywhere that could point to Sonny as the murderer."  
  
Dara faltered slightly but pulled herself together quickly. She was ready for confession time to be over.  
  
"Sonny came to see me the next morning and explained that the judge overseeing the case was closing and labeling it as a successful suicide attempt. And that's where I come in. He sat there just as arrogantly as you please and told me that from then on I would be his attorney in all questionable matters and I would do it happily without recompense."  
  
"But, how Dara? How could he force you to work for him?" Alexis asked suddenly afraid of the answer she suspected was coming.  
  
"The next thing I know Jared is being dragged into my office. He was so scared. You could see it in his eyes, but he wanted to be brave for me. I tried to put myself between him and Sonny... but Jared wouldn't have it. He was always trying to protect me in some way or another. He was my little brother, but he always treated me as though he were the older one and it was his responsibility to take care of me." As Dara continued tears began to fall down her face. Alexis felt every one as though they were her own. She thought of Stephan and Nicholas. She thought of her own little girl. And she thought of Ric. What wouldn't she do for those she loved?  
  
"What did Sonny want with Jared, Dara?"  
  
"He told me that Jared now belonged to him for the remainder of his life in payment for all the money lost because of Ty."  
  
"You mean to tell me that Sonny Corinthos still has your brother?" Alexis asked incredulously.  
  
"Yes. And if I play nice he'll make sure Jared stays alive."  
  
Alexis was livid. 'How dare he?' She was so angry she couldn't sit still. She stood abruptly and started pacing. Her anger so colossal she couldn't form words around it. 'All that time I spent with him, thinking there was so much potential. Feeling a bond of sorts with a man I never really knew at all.' She caught Dara's expression of fear in her peripheral vision and stopped to face her. She couldn't let her anger overwhelm her now. There was still much to do. She'd deal with Sonny later. Turning to Dara, she smiled grimly.  
  
"Dara, how would you like to help me send Sonny to prison and free your brother at the same time?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**  
  
Moments passed in silence as the two women sat next to each other, each wondering the other's thoughts. The ticking of the clock became suddenly louder within the strained silence. Alexis initially stunned Dara with her invitation to help send her brother's captor to prison. Dara now peered at Alexis skeptically. Leaning forward she folded her arms and finally allowed herself to give in to the curiosity that was persistently knocking on the door of her logic. "And just how do you propose we accomplish what no one else has been able to, Alexis? I've been trying to figure out how to save my brother and get free of Sonny for ten years and you walk in here as if you have all the answers and are ready to pick him up and deliver him personally to his new home in the state penitentiary. Forgive me if I seem a bit dubious."  
  
Alexis smiled with compassion completely understanding Dara's reluctance to grasp onto the smallest amount of hope. For ten years her brother had been lost to her... alive yet unable to be a part of her life. She knew a little quid pro quo would be needed in order for Dara to be able to trust her.  
  
"Dara, before we go any further there is something you need to know so that you will understand why I'm pushing this so hard. I need Sonny off the streets and out of commission for a reason. It's not something I'm proud of, but like I told you earlier... I will do what needs to be done in order to protect my family and when it comes to my daughter... in the end... as I've proven in the past the law doesn't hold much weight if it gets in my way of protecting her. But, I have the means to take Sonny out legally now and I intend to do just that with your help or without it. I hope it will be with your help though... you've earned the right to be a part of this."  
  
"So he has some sort of hold on you as well?"  
  
"Not yet, but it's only a matter of time. And before he has the chance to make a move against me, I'm going to shut him down. I will not lose my daughter again, Dara. Not to anyone."  
  
"Kristina?" Dara questioned curiously. "What does Kri..." Her eyes grew wide as the puzzle pieces finally fell into place. "Sonny?"  
  
"Yes, Dara. Sonny. And if there were any doubts in my mind about what I am about to do, your history with him just put them to rest. He will not be a part of my daughter's life."  
  
Dara sat back and grinned. "So my resignation as ADA set you up to do what no one else has been able to do since he blew into town."  
  
"Don't misunderstand me, Dara. Whether I accepted the position of ADA or not, nothing would have stopped me from doing what I intend to do as soon as possible. So, how willing are you to trust me to handle this so that we both come out winners, as well as those we love?"  
  
Seeing the determination and fire in Alexis eyes, Dara finally found reason to hope. The two of them together could just possibly pull this off. Looking at her nemesis, she didn't seem quite so formidable any longer. Alexis did have a heart, and it was a big one. Dara found herself wanting to get to know Alexis on a friendlier basis. Lifting her hand she waited for Alexis to accept her gesture of consent. Without hesitation Alexis grasped her hand and they shook once sealing their commitment to stand together until their goal was achieved.  
  
Alexis stood and walked back to Dara's desk calling back over her shoulder... "Dara, do you know Jared's schedule and where he's staying?"  
  
Joining Alexis at her desk she picked up a pen and began scribbling down an address. "I'm allowed to see him whenever I can get away. But, there is always a guard with him. Why? What do you have in mind?"  
  
"I'm going to send someone to Puerto Rico to bring Jared home. But, I think we're going to need more than one person to pull this off, in fact..." Alexis sat down and thought a moment. Looking back up at Dara, she wondered if her idea would be met with resistance. "Dara, when was the last time you spoke with Taggert?"  
  
Frowning at the question, Dara answered hesitantly. "Just a few weeks ago. Are you thinking about involving Taggert in this?"  
  
Returning Dara's gaze, Alexis smiled. "Dara, we need two people that we can trust implicitly. Taggert has wanted to take Sonny down for years... he's motivated to do whatever is asked of him legally to accomplish a task he was never able to complete on his own. And I'm going to ask Felecia Jones to accompany him. I trust her and I think she will know the best way to infiltrate the group holding Jared while keeping a lid on Taggert's enthusiasm at the same time."  
  
"You know that all it will take is a phone call on Sonny's part and Jared is either moved or... or killed. Alexis, please don't... "  
  
Alexis made her way around the desk to stand next to Dara. Placing her hand on Dara's arm she turned her around so she could look at her directly. "Dara, Sonny is not going to be concerned about making any phone calls today. And by the time he is prepped and arrested the only phone call he is going to make is to an attorney. If all goes as I hope, you will have Jared home tomorrow and Sonny will be well on his way to prison. Not only will we have what is in those files on your desk, but we will also have him up on charges of kidnapping... and..." Alexis paused.  
  
"And what, Alexis?" Dara asked.  
  
"Would you be willing to turn states evidence against Sonny and turn over the files you have regarding his activities for the past ten years?"  
  
Without a moment's hesitation... "Yes. I can have those files ready when you need them. But, I have one question for you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why aren't you letting the FBI handle this? It seems to me that if you turn over everything we have and let them handle it then you and your daughter are less likely to have any fall out later down the line and given the track record of our very own PCPD, there is ample cause to question their ability to pull this off."  
  
Pacing slowly to the window, Alexis stared out trying to put together an answer that made sense out of the chaos in her mind. She slowly began to explain in the best way she could.  
  
"Dara, You know how close Sonny and I were at one time... and I don't mean in the manner that produced Kristina. Sonny and I were friends... good friends. We depended on each other for so many things. There was trust and safety, understanding and laughter. We connected in a way that few people ever do. With everything that has taken place in the past two years... it all started with a pregnancy test... and my decision to keep his daughter from him. He has no clue exactly why I walked away... he has bits and pieces... but until he knows for sure there will always be questions in his mind. I can't let him go to prison without understanding why his best friend walked away from him. He has to know that Kristina is his daughter. I owe him the truth, but he also needs to know what his life cost him. He will remember everything I did to protect her... he will remember every time I went to him for help only to be denied. But, most of all he'll know that his daughter will be safe and grow up happy. It's all I can give him now. As much as what he did with your brother sickens me... it doesn't stop me from wishing my friend was still in my life. I miss the Sonny I used to know. I will always miss him and regretfully my daughter will never know the man I once knew. But that is a fact I will have to learn to live with for the rest of my life."  
  
She felt Dara beside her and the tension relaxed in her body a little as she felt Dara's hand fall to rest on her shoulder.  
  
"You've carried a pretty heavy weight for a long time, Alexis. We both have. It's time we dealt with it and got on with our lives free of that weight. Let's get busy and put together how this all needs to take place and in what time frame."  
  
Alexis reached up and covered Dara's hand with her own and smiled sadly. "You right. Let's get this over with. I'll call Felecia while you get in touch with Taggert. I want them in Puerto Rico as soon as possible. Once we have them on the way, we'll discuss how I'm going to handle Sonny." Turning to face Dara she looked at her sternly. "And this is non-negotiable, Dara. I handle, Sonny. It's past time for you to relax and enjoy your life once again. All I want from you is your files. This case will not go to court. So there will be no need for testimony on your part. Once we're done here... go home... take the rest of the day off and wait for Jared to come home."  
  
Dara was beside herself with worry and the need to help. "I can't leave you to handle this alone, Alexis. You have to let me help, if for no other reason than my need to avenge Ty and Jared." She hated having to ask anyone for anything on her account. But this was different. Alexis was handing her life back to her in a gaily-wrapped neat little box and she couldn't sit on the sidelines while everything went on around her. "Please, Alexis. Don't leave me out of this... Let me start re-building my life by doing something right for a change."  
  
Alexis fixed her gaze on Dara for a moment before walking back across the room as her thoughts began to logically settle into place. How could she deny Dara a place in what needed to be done? Given the horror that Sonny forced her to live with day after day for ten years... Dara deserved to be included in the fall of Sonny Corinthos. She deserved the chance to actively re-claim her life.  
  
"Alright, Dara. From this moment on... we're in this together. So... think you can handle acting as Sonny's reluctant counselor for one more task?"  
  
Dara grinned widely. "If it helps put that bastard away, you're damn straight I can."  
  
If she weren't so torn about what she was doing, Alexis would have allowed herself to chuckle over Dara's eager response. As it was... given their history... Alexis was walking a precarious tight rope when it came to the various emotions that were slowly tearing her apart inside. "Okay. I want you to call him and set up an appointment for him to meet with me at my apartment. If he gets difficult, ask him if he remembers that night in Puerto Rico when I toasted our friendship with the words, 'Friends to the end'. That's all you need to say. He'll get it and ask what time."  
  
"You two really were close, weren't you?"  
  
Alexis smiled sadly. "Yes." She whispered. "Too close."  
  
"Are you sure you want to do this, Alexis? Because once the ball starts rolling, we won't be able to stop it. And as much as I'm beginning to admire you... I couldn't stop this train if you begged me to. I want my brother home where he belongs and just as you warned me on more than one occasion... I'll do whatever I have to for my family."  
  
Nodding with understanding, Alexis shrugged. "I think I would lose all respect for you if you didn't, Dara. No... we both know that we have to stay focused and take care of the problem in the most efficient way possible."  
  
Taking her seat behind her desk, Dara picked up her phone and began dialing. Alexis returned to her seat in front of the desk and pulled her cellphone from her purse. It was time to begin. No turning back.  
  
Moments later, both women sat back and gazed at each other intently. Dara broke the silence.  
  
"Taggert will get in touch with Felecia now and together they will schedule where they will meet. I hope Felecia knows how to handle over zealous men. He's going to be a handful."  
  
"He'll be fine, Dara. I would worry more if we sent him to collect Sonny." She shifted nervously in her chair and breathed deeply a few times. Tension drove her from her chair as she waved toward the phone.  
  
"Go ahead. Make the call. I want him there at two."  
  
"Wait a minute, Alexis. What if he goes ballistic and attacks you?"  
  
"He won't harm his daughter's mother, not when he knows how much damning evidence I have on him. But, just in case... when I leave here I'm going to get the equipment I need to set up a surveillance camera in my living room. I just have to be real careful and stay calm. His reaction will depend on how all the information is presented to him. I may have to replace a lot of glassware by the time he's finished his tantrum, but I honestly don't think he will harm me."  
  
"Don't underestimate him, Alexis. He'll be a cornered man... You're taking his freedom from him. He's not going to react in a manner that you're familiar with. Let me follow him there and wait outside with backup. We can put together a surveillance system that will not only tape the encounter but will transmit to a monitor and I can keep an eye on what's happening. If he goes off the deep end I can come in and provide enough of a diversion to give the officers enough opportunity to get him into handcuffs. I don't want you taking any unnecessary chances."  
  
Considering Dara's thoughts and suggestions, Alexis knew it only wise to err on the safer side of the situation.  
  
"I'll call Lucky and explain the situation. I'm sure he'll be more than happy to help."  
  
"Good." Leaning forward, Dara placed her hand on the phone receiver. "Are you ready?"  
  
"I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Make the call."  
  
Alexis stood at the window overhearing every word Dara spoke into the phone. She was cool... no emotion... no tell tale signs of anxiousness or fear. She made the appointment as though she were choosing what suit to wear for the day. Alexis marveled at the steady unwavering tone of her voice. She shook her head back and forth as Dara hung up the phone.  
  
Noticing Alexis' reaction Dara inquired the reason. "What are you shaking your head at?"  
  
"You. I wish I could be just as un-phased this afternoon as you were on that phone just now."  
  
Getting up from her desk Dara joined Alexis at her window and took the woman's hands into her own. "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes for anything in the world right now, but I promise you I will be just on the other side of the door backing you up. If you sense him getting out of hand before I recognize it, send me a signal. I'll have Lucky breaking down that door faster than you can blink."  
  
Letting go of Dara's hands she wrapped her arms around the woman surprised at how far they had come in the last couple of hours. It was a gift born out of mutual need. They were more alike than either of them would ever have guessed and for Alexis it was an unexpected relief in a very stressful situation.  
  
"I can't thank you enough, Dara."  
  
"Thanks are not necessary, Alexis. I just hope that when all of this is over, maybe you and I can somehow find our way to becoming friends."  
  
"I'd like that very much. Now before I have a chance to really think about what I'm doing, I need to make a phone call, pick up that equipment and get back to the apartment. Call me if anything comes up that I need to be aware of."  
  
"You got it. And Alexis..." Dara waited until she held Alexis' complete attention. "Good Luck."  
  
Alexis smiled. "Thank you, Dara. I won't forget this."  
  
Dara smiled. "Neither will I, Alexis. Now get going before this gets maudlin."  
  
They laughed companionably as Alexis left the office. Pulling her cellphone out of her purse once again she dialed quickly and waited for an answer, her foot tapping anxiously. She needed to hear only one voice in that moment. One calm steadying voice!  
  
"Ric?"  
  
_"Hey... How's it going?"_  
  
His voice sounded so warm and caring... she felt the familiar comfort of longevity steal through her every nerve soothing the frayed edges. It was the feeling you basked in when you spent years building a relationship with someone and knew they were as much a part of you as you were to them. It was totally unbelievable to her that Ric would cause that kind of familiar comfort given the short length of time they had been a part of each other's life. She felt the tension in her neck and shoulders melt slightly. She clutched the phone tighter to her ear trying to get closer to him.  
  
"It's done. I'm meeting Sonny at two."  
  
_"Where?"_ Ric could hear the stress in Alexis' voice. He was worried about her... worried about the toll she was about to extract from herself by completely severing all ties to a man who once held her heart... whose blood coursed through her daughters heart with every beat.  
  
"My apartment."  
  
_"Good. That gives you the advantage. How are you feeling?"_ He didn't like the sound of silence on the other end so coaxed her. _Alexis. Talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling._  
  
She couldn't hide the tone of her voice. It was too raw... the emotions driving her were too big to contain. She answered him honestly. "I'm scared."  
  
_"That's normal. I'd be concerned if you weren't."_  
  
"No, Ric. I mean I'm really scared. What if something goes wrong? What if..."  
  
_Stop, Alexis. Don't do this to yourself. You are holding all the cards... you have everything you need to see this through to the end. Don't let him defeat you before you ever meet with him. You can do this. You have to. Remember the reason you're doing it. This is for Kristina. Your daughter! If you don't see this through then her life will always be in jeopardy because he will find out whether you tell him or not."_  
  
"I know you're right, Ric. But, it's just so hard. I keep remembering the man who was my friend. Ric, this is going to destroy him. I'm going to destroy my daughter's father."  
  
_"Yes. You are!_ He answered softly. He looked down toward his feet and smiled at his niece who was now holding onto his leg grinning up at him as if he were a king or something. His heart swelled. _"And I'm going to be right here taking care of his beautiful daughter who by the way is having a wonderful time with her Uncle Ric. We've been making mud pies."_ He was trying to ease her anxiousness and take her mind away from her appointment with Sonny. Her laughter told him he was succeeding.  
  
"You have my daughter playing in mud, Ric?" A vision of Kristina covered in mud raced across her mind and Alexis shuddered at the image.  
  
_"Oh yeah. We got one heck of a mud pie maker on our hands. That is until she gets the idea in her head that Uncle Ric would look so much better if he sported a 'mud beard'."_  
  
"A mud beard? Please tell me you took a picture. That is something I would dearly love to see. Your face covered in mud."  
  
_Not on your life, sweetheart. Only one Davis girl gets to see me covered in mud and I can assure you it isn't the older one."_  
  
"The older one? You're skating on thin ice, mister."  
  
_Put my skates on real early this morning. Knew I'd probably need them. Being around you at o'dark o'clock was a pretty dicey proposition for me. Had to be prepared for the unexpected._  
  
"You make it sound like I was out to mangle you or something. It wasn't my fault you appeared on my doorstep almost two hours early."  
  
_"Oh yes it was, counselor. It was totally your fault."_ Ric smiled with mischief.  
  
"How was it _my_ fault?" Alexis asked incredulously.  
  
He could tell by her voice that she was no longer thinking of Sonny. He was successful in getting her to relax a little. She needed a break between her meetings with Dara and Sonny and he was happy that she felt comfortable enough to call him and allow him to help her through a tense situation.  
  
"Ric?"  
  
She brought his thoughts back to her with a higher more inquisitive tone of voice. He couldn't help himself. She opened the door and he skated right on through.  
  
_"Well what did you expect me to do after all those... dreams that put me in a cold shower first thing this morning."_  
  
Oblivious of where he was leading her, Alexis naively fell headlong into his trap. "Just what dreams are you referring to, Ric?"  
  
_"Have you ever made love in an elevator, Alexis? Or in a gondola in Italy?"_  
  
With feigned exasperation to cover the effect of the visual he caused she answered quickly. "No Ric, I haven't."  
  
_"You ought to try it sometime. I can pretty much guarantee you'll want to do it more than once."_  
  
She felt a sensual stirring deep inside as his voice dipped to a suggestive arousing tone. Taking a deep breath she jumped in a little further curious to find out if he could have possibly dreamed of the two of them... together. "I know I'm going to regret asking, but just what do your dreams have to do with me?"  
  
He couldn't go any further. He didn't want to take a chance of creating another tension filled situation for her so he backed off. _"From now on, I'm not drinking your coffee before I go to bed. Stuff makes you dream funny."_ His stomach jumped into his throat when he heard her laugh. He was proud of himself for the way he was helping her, mindless of his own needs. Hearing her fall silent he knew his time with her was drawing to a close.  
  
_"Alexis, just remember... we're here... waiting for you. Do what you have to and we'll see you when you're done. We'll go out... maybe take a jolly to the ice cream store."_  
  
She laughed again. "A jolly? What is a jolly, Ric?"  
  
And her laughter fed his own as he remembered his childhood. It was a word he made up when he was a kid and wanted to make himself feel better. He became quite creative at times as he walked to school or the corner store. _"It's just a word that means we'll be taking more of a walk than just a walk."_  
  
"You're not making sense."  
  
_"Yes I am. When you're out to have a good time and there is a walk involved. You make the walk more fun. It becomes a jolly walk. Maybe we'll skip... maybe we'll swing Kristina back and forth between us... maybe we'll tell jokes... whatever comes to mind. Anything goes on a jolly."_  
  
"Maybe a mud pie in the face?" she teased.  
  
They both laughed as he tried to defend himself against getting another mud filled face. Once a day was enough for him. He countered her question.  
  
_"Sure, why not. But, you do know that once a pie is thrown and hits it mark, the pie-er becomes the pie-ee and I get to retaliate."_  
  
"Uhmmm... I think I just changed my mind."  
  
_"I thought you might."_  
  
Alexis was still standing outside Dara's door leaning against the wall oblivious that she hadn't quite pulled the door closed. Hearing the creak of the hinges she turned quickly to find herself face to face with Dara once more trying to figure out if Dara had heard any of her conversation. She turned her head away from Dara to end her call.  
  
"I have to go, Ric."  
  
_"I understand."_  
  
"No, you don't. I need you to know that I really appreciate what you just did for me. Thank you, Ric."  
  
_"You would have done the same for me, Alexis. And don't worry. Kristina and I will sit down at two and we'll talk about mommy and how much we love her and how much we want to help and support her. You'll feel us, Alexis. Just concentrate on this beautiful little girl and you'll feel us. Now go get 'em tiger and I'll see you when it's over.'_  
  
She knew he kept talking, but she stopped listening when her heart focused itself on a strangely compelling word. At least it was strange coming out of Ric's mouth. Did he actually say what she thought she heard? 'He said 'we'.' she thought to herself. 'He said 'how much _'we'_ love.' The forlorn grating sound of a dial tone suddenly met her ear and she realized he was gone. An intense feeling of being completely alone unexpectedly engulfed her and she was oblivious to the hot tears trickling down her face. The sound of a bereft whispered 'Ric' escaped her lips as her heart reached out to search for something to hold on to... anything to keep her from drowning in the feeling of loss that was overwhelming her. She was stunned by her uncharacteristic emotional reaction to a simple phone call. One word repeatedly raced through her mind at an alarming speed. _'Why?'_ The warmth of a hesitant hand fell on her arm startling her and she quickly turned to find an inquisitive Dara smiling with curiosity.  
  
"DA Lansing? I guess he's not the monster we all thought he was."  
  
Her words drew a nod of agreement from Alexis as she tried desperately to regain control of herself. "No, he's not. He's been so good through all of this. I don't think I could do it without him now."  
  
"So he knows about Kristina?"  
  
"Yes. Taking the ADA job was his suggestion so that I would be in a better position legally to deal with Sonny. It put me on a more level playing field."  
  
"And it doesn't hurt that you're beginning to trust him not only with your daughter's heart but your own as well."  
  
Dara's words traveled to the very core of Alexis and she felt her anxiety rise. "It scares me, Dara. It would be so easy to just let go and..."  
  
"...be with him?"  
  
She looked again toward her friend and nodded. Her soft "yes" choked on the emotion rising in her throat.  
  
"So get today done and then deal with Ric. If he's as special as you make him sound then I think just maybe you're ready to finally find your own little corner of the world to live in peacefully for a change. Just maybe you're standing on the edge of a life that all women were born to enjoy before the world stole our illusions of innocence... before the 'Sonnys' of the world destroyed our hopes and dreams. And just maybe you've found someone to build a life with that's built on trust and honesty with a healthy dose of love thrown in for good measure. In the final analysis isn't that what we've worked for... dreamed of since we were little girls with the rest of our lives stretching out in front of us?"  
  
"Is it?" she asked with hesitancy hearing that 'L' word for a second time, a word that held the power to paralyze her emotionally. Loving Kristina was one thing, but to love a man... love _'him'_... the idea threatened to take her breath away as a current of excitement suddenly raced through her taking her by surprise. She couldn't ignore the excitement as a vision of his face drifted across the cinema of her mind. It made her heart flutter anxiously. Lifting her arm she lay it across Dara's shoulder and slowly led her companionably down the hall giving more consideration to the possibility of pairing the words 'love' and 'Ric' in the same sentence. "Maybe it's time I found out." She whispered quietly to herself as much as to her companion who smiled delightedly beside her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**  
  
Sitting at the dining table, Alexis was carefully and meticulously reviewing, analyzing and checking off her reasons for severing Sonny from the life of privilege he spent so many years building. As ridiculous as the idea seemed she was trying hard to find a reason, an excuse, anything that could help absolve him of his many crimes against humanity. But no matter how hard she tried, how much she wanted to believe he was more than he proved himself to be... there were two unrelenting facts that couldn't be ignored. Sonny preyed on the less fortunate and destroyed people's lives without a second thought. She shuddered thinking about how he dealt with his own family, his son... a boy who was already learning how to manipulate people and circumstances to suit his own needs. A boy who was learning that love was nothing more than a tool to hold people captive behind a fortress of demands, rules and cold ruthlessness.  
  
"I will not let him do to Kristina what he has already begun to do to his own son. And just maybe without him as a role model, Michael will learn a new way of dealing with the complexities of life without Sonny around to lead him further into that world of hate and domination he loves so much."  
  
With her jaw firmly set, Alexis rose from the table and took a final look around her apartment. Everything was in place and ready for her altercation with Sonny. The surveillance cameras were in place, all of her most treasured keepsakes put away out of the reach of school boy temper tantrums and the reason for what she was about to do graced her coffee table in the form of a framed photo of Kristina and herself. She chose this particular photo because she wanted the image of herself and Kristina to be the last image Sonny was subjected to before being handcuffed and escorted to jail. For the rest of his life, he would know what his life of bitterness and crime cost him and when he thought of his daughter he would also see her mother and know that his first born would remain safe in the care of a woman who proved her love by doing everything she could to protect their daughter; including taking her away from a man who would have eventually destroyed her life.  
  
Closing her eyes, she bowed her head as the weight of remorse fell upon her. A knock on her door startled her out of her reverie and looking down at her watch she frowned. It was too early for Sonny. She walked quickly to the door and opened it to find Dara waiting impatiently.  
  
"What's wrong, Dara?"  
  
"Relax, Alexis. There's nothing wrong. Everything is ready to go and everyone is in place. But a certain someone was worried about you and met me as I was coming up the walk. He asked me to give you this before Sonny arrived."  
  
Glancing down, her eyes misted as a smile spread across her face when she saw to the photo Dara was offering to her. He continued to surprise her in the most unexpected ways and it amazed her that somehow he always knew when she needed a lift in her spirit. She reached and took the photo from a smiling Dara who spoke low and conspiratorially. "He asked me to tell you to put it in your pocket and if things got tough remember you have a fan club waiting for you."  
  
Alexis raised the photo of Ric and Kristina to get a better look as laughter burst from her at the sight of Ric kneeling beside her daughter his arms wrapped around her as Kristina hugged his neck tightly. Both so covered in mud their stark white teeth seemed to fill the photo. Her laughter stilled as she felt Dara's hand grasp her wrist and turn it over.  
  
"Looks like he left you a message."  
  
She read his hastily scribbled message. _"I couldn't resist. This is one of those moments that should be shared and held onto for a lifetime. The only thing missing is you._  
  
She unconsciously placed his glossy mud-covered face against her heart and breathed deeply. "He's not making it easy for me to ignore what's going on in my heart."  
  
Peering up at Alexis, Dara saw the reluctant fear in her eyes and smiled sympathetically. "I don't think I'd want to, Alexis. He's trying to help you get through today the only way he can. This is not the action of a man who is selfish, or motivated by hate. He asked me to tell you that if things get tough, just hang onto that picture and know that they are hanging on to you. Alexis, that man is in love with you whether you want to admit it to yourself or not."  
  
"Dara, there is just so much about this whole thing that could go wrong. Do you not remember the man who blew into town not so long ago and began to wreak havoc with peoples lives all in the name of destroying his brother."  
  
"I remember him, but my question to you is why bring that man up now? Are you trying to push Ric as far away as you can emotionally so he won't be able to work his way into your heart? I don't believe that the man who brought that picture here is the same man who arrived in this town."  
  
She couldn't argue with Dara; she was right. "No, he's not the same man. And I don't know how to react to that."  
  
"Of course you don't. Why would you? When was the last time any man did something for you that was totally about you without any thought to himself?"  
  
Dara was getting extremely too close to the thoughts she herself had been analyzing so much lately. And now was not the time for this conversation to continue. She needed time to refocus herself on her meeting with Sonny.  
  
"Dara, I don't know how all of this is going to eventually play out, what I do know is that I can't think about it anymore right now. I have to be prepared to meet Sonny. What I have to do in the next hour is going to require a castration of my emotional ties to a man that once made a difference in my life. I need some time to get organized mentally."  
  
"I understand, Alexis." Looking down at her watch and checking the time, Dara stepped back out into the hallway. "You have twenty minutes. And don't worry, Lucky and his buddy are already in place and we'll be here if things get nasty." Seeing the apprehension on Alexis' face, Dara reached out and took hold of Alexis' hand. "Hey, it's going to be alright. Just keep it short and sweet. When you're ready for us to come in, just send me the signal and I'll be here instantaneously."  
  
Squeezing Dara's hand, Alexis smiled thankfully. "I'm glad you're here, Dara. I'm glad we could do this together. Now don't worry, I'll be fine." Turning away she closed the door behind her and set about preparing herself to face Sonny. Looking down at the picture in her hand she placed it carefully in the back pocket of her jeans mindful of its edges and pressed it close against her body smiling as the feeling of being alone in her fight was chased away by two smiling muddy faces.  
  
The twenty minutes passed all too quickly and Alexis stood slowly as she heard his knock on the door. She knew it was Sonny this time. She recognized his definitive staccato knock. How many times had she heard it over the years? How many times had her heart jumped at its sound? Now she faced it with dread. It was time. Time to deliberately and finally take him completely out of her life and the life of her daughter. Her heart ached with what she was about to do to a man who once meant the world to her. Who once held her future in his hands! She reached behind her and slid her hand into the back pocket of her jeans and felt the comfort of a single picture. She closed her eyes briefly and whispered from her heart... "I'm sorry Kristina for taking your father from you. And I'm sorry for taking your brother away from you, Ric. I only hope that you both don't eventually hate me for what I am about to do." With that Alexis walked to the door, took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob. Swinging open the door she met his icy gaze and stepped back lifting her hand to invite him in, closing the door as he sauntered past her as though he owned the place.  
  
"Thank you for meeting with me, Sonny. Could I interest you in a drink or something?"  
  
"I don't have a lot of time here, Alexis. The only reason I came at all was your cryptic reference to our time in Puerto Rico together. I can only assume that you're ready to forget the past couple of years and come crawling back to me for a job?"  
  
If there were any remaining doubts of whether she could pull off her agenda against Sonny Corinthos, they melted away with his insolent cruelty.  
  
"I have a job, Sonny. A job I intend to do to the very best of my ability." She watched him stride arrogantly toward her fireplace and turn back to stare at her with unveiled hostility.  
  
"So I was right. You are going to use your new position as ADA to try and take me down."  
  
"I'm not going to _try_ anything, Sonny."  
  
'Semantics', she thought to herself. How could you try to do something if the outcome was already a foregone conclusion? She watched him slide his hands into his pockets and rock back and forth on his heels as though he were in complete command of the situation. She pitied him in that moment.  
  
"So what's this all about, Alexis? You have your attorney set up a meeting that you could have set up yourself. Why? What are you up to?"  
  
She moved to stand behind the sofa so that there was a barrier between them and answered his question as honestly as she could without giving too much away too soon. "I doubt very seriously if you would have come, Sonny. Your track record over the past couple of years hasn't been that great."  
  
"What are you talking about?" His eyes narrowed slightly as he recalled the few times Alexis had called for help and he refused. He snorted derisively. "You walked away... you made it your business to start defaming my character all over Port Charles and then when you get yourself into a bit of a jam, you call your good buddy Sonny to pull you out of whatever mess you got yourself into. I didn't feel inclined to set myself up again for one of your neurotic fits."  
  
Feeling her anger rise, Alexis forced herself to calm down. It wouldn't do either of them any good to rehash the past. It was over.  
  
"Raking through our past will only serve to irritate us both and further cement your hatred of me. Why don't we just get down to the reason I called?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
Walking around her sofa she invited him to sit and when he chose the most strategically offensive seat he could find she sat across from him knowing it was only a matter of time now and his attitude of superiority would be sorely tested and found lacking. Breathing deeply she began.  
  
"The second trial I faced as a defense counselor in Port Charles was defending Tony Jones against kidnapping charges. I'm sure you remember it since the child in question was Michael. Something occurred during that trial that you might find interesting."  
  
Alexis reached toward the coffee table and picked up the same file she presented to Dara during that trial to force the result she needed. Leaning further toward Sonny she offered it to him and waited for him to open it. When his eyes finally met hers once more, she felt his anger emanating toward her.  
  
"So you know Dara worked for me once. What of it?"  
  
She knew his flippant remark was his way of keeping his temper under control so it wouldn't make him vulnerable.  
  
"When I took over as counsel for you, I thought it prudent to keep an eye on Dara. So, that's what I've done over the past few years." His silence was deafening... she continued. "She's been kept very busy on behalf of your interests." Reaching down she picked up the final copy of all the documents she diligently collected over the years. Rather than hand it directly to him she placed it on the coffee table in front of him and sat back slightly to wait for his response preparing for the inevitable tirade. Their eyes met over the file and held; his full of defiance, bitterness and rage; hers full of regret and determination. She watched him slowly reach down and pick it up. He began to leaf through it casually as though it were just another coffee contract. She knew his anger was quickly morphing into something he couldn't contain. The tremble of the pages in his hand was proof enough. When he was through, he threw the file back on the table mindless of the knick-knacks and didn't blink once when the file swept them all to the floor and followed to land on top of them, documents flying everywhere.  
  
"What do you want, ADA Davis? You want to make a deal or something? Is that why I'm here rather than sitting in a cell down at the PCPD?"  
  
She wasn't ready to reveal her reason yet. She wanted to know just how malicious her daughter's father actually was; how much she herself had been taken in by his schoolboy charm and masterfully manipulative ways. "How long do you intend to keep Jared Jensen a prisoner in your coffee fields?"  
  
The dark of his eyes flickered just once. If they had not been so close at one time, Alexis would have missed it.  
  
"I don't know anyone by that name." He replied.  
  
"Would you remember if I asked whether it was you or one of your henchmen who actually put a bullet into Ty Jensen's head one night and tossed him into the water off Pier 52?"  
  
She rose defensively as he stood abruptly and paced back to stand in front of the fireplace trying to calm the rage that was beginning to overtake him. His cold measured words held little effect on her as her own anger rose at the cold cruel seditious arrogance of the man in front of her.  
  
"So you've been talking to Dara. Too bad there's no proof to tie me to that little act of retaliation."  
  
"No, but we do have proof of you kidnapping his brother and forcing Dara to work off his debt to you for the past ten years against her will. And not only can we prove your guilt of those two crimes, but I am also in possession of every file, every contract, every phone call Dara ever made on your behalf."  
  
"So I'll ask again... what do you want from me to make all this go away?"  
  
There was no doubt how he felt toward her in that moment. The last time she saw the look he was leveling at her was on the island of St. Sophia the night he caught AJ in bed with his newly discovered sister. Deep, dark, insidious hate!  
  
Giving herself time to settle the fear threatening to overwhelm her, Alexis turned and walked back around the sofa to again place a barrier between them. She needed a second to make sure she could answer him without her voice breaking.  
  
"There's nothing you can give or do for me to make this go away, Sonny. I want you off the streets. I want you shut down so you can no longer destroy people's lives. I want you to know what it feels like to be locked behind impenetrable walls. I want your sons to have a chance to live a normal life. I want to know that I will never have to see another unfortunate victim raped by our justice system because you found a way to manipulate yourself free of a conviction. And I want to know for sure that my daughter will never be sacrificed because of your inability to see just how poisoned with bitterness and hate you really are."  
  
His face full of black rage, she saw him take a menacing step toward her and she lifted her hand and pointed toward her bookcase. "Be careful, Sonny. You're being filmed. I don't think you want to add a charge of assault to the list."  
  
His eyes followed to where her finger pointed and found the camera. "Why you b..." He stopped as an idea suddenly struck him.  
  
"Ric is behind this. You're doing his dirty work for him. He wasn't man enough to face me himself so he's hiding behind his current mistress and a camera like the coward he's always been."  
  
Hearing Ric's name come out of Sonny's mouth brought her emotions too close to the edge. Her hand slowly found its way into her back pocket where she touched the photo holding the smiles of both her daughter and Ric. She felt her rising anger melt when she realized it would only be a little while longer and she could wrap them in her arms knowing they would both be safe for the rest of their lives. Sonny's silence drew her eyes back to him.  
  
He was staring at a photo of Kristina on the bookshelf next to the camera and he finally turned back to her...  
  
"What do I have to do with your daughter?" he asked contemptuously as her previous words linking him somehow with her daughter finally sank in.  
It was time... she couldn't prolong the inevitable any longer. She nodded her head toward the coffee table. "There's a manila envelope on the table. I think you'll find its contents of a personal interest to you."  
  
He eyed her suspiciously and slowly reached down to pick up the file. His eyes never left hers until the file was unclasped and the document in his hands. Looking down finally he read the title. "Lab Analysis - Complete: Document of Paternity" He let his eyes slowly drift down to find the mother's name and then further to find the father. His eyes reddened on contact and he lifted his head to stare at her as wave after wave of rage rolled over him. His legs began to tremble and his fist closed around the document his white knuckles almost the color of the paper he held. "You kept her from me... for two years you stole my daughter..." He took a step toward her then stopped... looking down again to make sure... to prove that he wasn't imagining it... he focused on his name once again. "I'm her father," he whispered. "She's mine". He looked back up to find Alexis and took another measured step toward her. "You took from me the only thing you could find that would hurt the most. You took my flesh and blood and lied to me. You stole my child... Why?"  
  
She couldn't contain the chuckle of unbelief. "Why, Sonny? Surely you can't be that daft? Look at your life. Look at what you've done to your life. Do you honestly think that I would deliberately put my daughter's life in jeopardy by allowing you access to her?"  
  
**"YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO KEEP HER FROM ME. SHE'S MINE."**  
  
His screaming rage only calmed her more. He couldn't get to her this time. She was no longer fighting alone. Her voice calm and direct met his ears. "The only part of her that's yours is half her blood. That's not enough for me to forget the man you've turned out to be. I will not let you destroy her life the way you are destroying Michael's. Look at your son, Sonny. Look at what he is already learning from you! He's filled with anger and bitterness. He challenges every word out of your mouth now and he is constantly manipulating the people around him to try and gain control of a life he thinks he wants. You are not going to get close enough to my daughter to exact the same type of behavior and fear from her. I am not about to take a chance on you gaining partial custody and someday finding myself standing over a coffin because she was caught in the middle of one of your wars. I love her too much to allow you anywhere near her."  
  
He couldn't control the rage within and turning he picked up the nearest thing he could find and threw it against the wall.  
  
'One vase gone...' she thought dispassionately. She watched as he turned again and spied the contents of her mantle. 'Well, I wasn't too crazy about those things either.' He turned once more and finally caught sight of the framed photo on the coffee table. She watched as he reached down and picked it up. It was the photo of herself and Kristina. She took a step back as his eyes came up to meet hers once again. Her life meant nothing to him anymore. She could see it very clearly in his eyes. There were now two people in the world who wished her dead. His cold questioning voice met her ears once more.  
  
"Why are you doing this, Alexis? Why are you really doing this? Do you really hate me so much? Is this all that's left of our friendship? We were close once. What did  
I ever do to you to cause you to turn on me like this."  
  
"This is not about you and I, Sonny. This is about loving and protecting my daughter."  
  
"And what about her father. How will she ever know that he loves her? I'm damn sure she won't hear it from you."  
  
Alexis sighed heavily before responding. "Sonny, I don't want my daughter to learn your way of loving. Love is not possessive. Love is not squashing the object of your desire under your thumb so they are unable to move, breathe, or live without restriction! Love is setting them free to be the person they were intended to be. Love is doing whatever you have to do to keep them safe no matter how distasteful or difficult."  
  
"Like feigning insanity or dressing up like a man or stealing a man's daughter from him..." Sonny chided derisively  
  
"I did what I had to in order to protect my daughter. But, I am not going to defend my actions to you. This is not about me. This is about Kristina."  
  
"I'm sure it is." He taunted with a cruel malicious smile. "Only we're not really talking about my daughter now, are we? You still hold me responsible for your sister's death."  
  
She felt the familiar queasiness settle in the pit of her stomach that occurred any time she was reminded of how her sister died. Forcing herself to remain calm she slipped her hand back into the pocket of her jeans to find the warmth of a glossy photo. Her anxiety abated a little as she denied his accusation.  
  
"No, this is not about my sister. I am well aware that you were not cognizant of the bomb that killed her. This is not about anyone else except my daughter. This is about making sure that Kristina stays alive and safe for the rest of her life. This is about making sure that you do not have the chance to poison her like you've poisoned Michael with your inability to deal with the repercussions of your choices, the insanity of your own life. And finally this is about you finally paying for a lifetime of crime against humanity. Sonny... you've left a trail of death behind you... you've trampled, preyed upon and destroyed every life that ever got in your way all in the name of building an empire you could hide yourself behind. All because you were too busy wallowing in self-pity and anger and bitterness because of the way you were treated as a child. You refused to grow up and deal with it like a man. Well, the fate of your empire is in my hands now. And it's time for you to reap the benefits of a life you chose to use as a weapon. I not only have the documents I've personally procured over the past few years, but I have all of Dara's files as well. And until now, I wasn't entirely sure how involved I wanted to be in bringing about a conclusion to this whole mess. But, I'm tired of this... I'm tired of fighting you. I'm tired of being afraid of what you would do once you found out about my daughter."  
  
**"MY DAUGHTER, ALEXIS. MY DAUGHTER!"**  
  
She ignored his enraged outburst and continued. "All of the files that I have in my possession will be turned over to the FBI. Marcus Taggert is escorting Jared Jensen back to the states even as we speak and once he is returned we will have the proof we need of your involvement in his exile. I'm also sure that Dara will be available to testify to your blackmail of her time and expertise with the law as well." Alexis looked toward the camera and waved signaling to Dara and Lucky that she was finished.  
  
Sonny watched her intently and when he realized what she was doing, made a run for the door pushing her violently to the floor as he passed her, then looked back down at her with eyes smoldering with revulsion. His cold deadly words chilled her to the bone. "You won't get away with this Alexis. I'll be back and I'll be coming for my daughter. And you better get your affairs in order. You should have killed me. Because I won't rest until you're only a vague memory to _my_ daughter." He turned back toward the door and just as he reached it, it was thrown open and Lucky rushed in with his gun pulled and pointed at his chest as another officer stepped behind him with a weapon trained as well. He stopped cold. His eyes found Dara. "You'll go down with her the first chance I get. Your days are numbered."  
  
"Yeah, Yeah." Dara chided him. Looking up at Lucky she nodded toward Sonny. "Cuff him and read him his rights, then get him out of here. Take the back stairs just in case there was more than one guard with him." She looked back at Sonny. "We took care of Max just after you entered the apartment." Finding Alexis using the back of the sofa to pull herself up from the floor, Dara reached to help. "You okay?"  
  
"I'm fine. But, when you get to the station I want you to call Agent Ford. Give him your files and mine. Do what has to be done to turn this whole affair over to the FBI. I'm done with this... I want no more to do with it."  
  
Understanding what Alexis was doing, Dara turned back to Sonny and stepped closer looking up into his eyes. She grinned triumphantly. "How does it feel, _Mr. Corinthos_? How does it feel to have your life ripped away from you? How does it feel to be facing a term of life in prison or quite possibly a death sentence? Look at my face you pompous ass... I hope it's one of the last faces you remember before your worthless soul leaves your body. And just think! It took a woman who at one time really cared about you to finally bring you down. In fact, she will probably live with this day for the rest of her life... not because she enjoyed it, but because she was forced to take an action against someone she once cared for very deeply. You did this, Sonny. You and you alone! But, I'm glad it's done and I hope you rot in hell for what you did to my brothers." Dara felt Alexis standing behind her and when she felt an arm gently fall to her waist and pull her back, she realized by the violent tremors in her body how out of control her emotions were. She allowed Alexis to take over and she stepped back but kept her eyes trained on Sonny. She wasn't about to let him get the chance to slip away.  
  
Alexis gazed into his eyes once more and felt her heart betray her with unwanted compassion for him. But she succumbed to the feeling knowing that their past would always be a part of her. She would always remember the care he showed her, a care that was real and true. No one would ever be able to convince her otherwise.  
  
"I wish things could have been different, Sonny. I wish that you could have seen the life that was out there just waiting for you to want it bad enough to claim it for yourself. A life of peace and love and children all safe and eager to share it with you without reason to fear or hide! Waiting for you to decide you wanted a family more than you wanted your power and money and respect. And I'm sorry for what this will do to Michael. But, maybe he will have a chance now to grow up as all little boys were intended." He was sullen... she could see in his eyes that he was already trying to put together a plan of escape. She sighed sadly and walked back to the coffee table. Bending down she retrieved the photo of herself and Kristina. Returning to stand in front of Sonny she started to put it in his pocket.  
  
"Tear it down the middle." His words were cold... hard... his face granite. She did as he asked. She knew what he wanted. Dropping the half that contained her picture to the floor she placed the other half with his daughter's smiling face into his pocket. She couldn't explain it nor could she stop herself. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Good-bye, Sonny. Please take care of yourself." She turned away and left the room before anyone had the chance to see the tears coursing down her face. Dara would take care of the rest. Her part was done. She had accomplished her task the best way she knew how. Her daughter's father was now a ghost. Her friend... confidant... and protector... gone just as abruptly as he had entered her life. She lay down across her bed and let the tears fall.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**  
  
Lying across her bed vainly trying to pull herself together, Alexis couldn't stop the constant replay of her meeting with Sonny in her mind as the weight of what she forced on him became steadily heavier. She knew she needed to get control of herself. It was done, no turning back... and no way to undo it now. Reaching up she wiped the tear tracks from her cheeks and rolled over to stare at the ceiling. She needed air and time to settle her nerves before she went to pick up Kristina. Her daughter did not need to see a neurotic basket case and she was also worried that if Ric saw her in her current state, he would jump to the conclusion that her feelings for Sonny were of a more personal nature than they actually were. How could she explain to Ric that as much as she once thought of Sonny, she was now that aggrieved by the idea of any type of relationship with him? In fact she was more afraid of him now than ever before.  
  
In all of the scenarios she played out in her mind of how the confrontation could play out, it never entered her mind that Sonny would actually threaten her life. As much as she wanted to believe that his threat was made in the heat of the moment, his piercing eyes and the hate that emanated from him in that moment now haunted her. She needed to get herself together and she needed to do it fast because the longer she lay there the more she found herself needing to see Ric. She couldn't go to Ric until she was free of Sonny. Swinging her legs around she pulled open the drawer of her nightstand, rummaged around for a moment then stood abruptly and quickly made her way to the door. With her thoughts so chaotic and disturbed it never registered that she didn't take a coat, her keys or even lock the door behind her.  
  
Placing the receiver back onto its base, Ric frowned. 'Alexis should have called by now.' He thought to himself. 'Her meeting with Sonny shouldn't have lasted any longer than an hour.' He looked down at his watch for the third time in the last half hour mumbling, "It's going on three now." He picked up the receiver again and dialed her cell phone. After a few moments he swore as he slammed the phone down his concern growing by the minute. "Where are you, Alexis? And what the hell is wrong?"  
  
Rushing to the closet he tore his jacket down from the hanger and raced out of the apartment enormously thankful that Viola hadn't forgotten Kristina's regularly scheduled gym class. He didn't know what he would have done if Kristina were still in his care. He needed to find Alexis, and he needed to find her fast. Something didn't feel right. Something in his gut was telling him that Alexis was in trouble. Three cell calls later and a harrowing ride from his apartment to hers found him standing anxiously at her door. He knocked once. Twice. Three times. His palm finding the coolness of the door as the weight of his worry forced his head to rest against the wood grain.  
  
"Alexis?" He shouted through the door. Not getting an answer or hearing any movement he tested the knob to see if it was locked. Finding it open he cautiously stepped inside and looked around. Eyeing the empty mantle and the several broken objects on the floor with a litter of files among them he grew more concerned. "Just great, big brother. Just great. Didn't even stop to consider that a small child lives here, did you?" Looking around further, his eyes spotted a torn picture on the floor. Reaching down he picked it up and the image of a smiling Alexis looked up at him. He remembered this picture. It was one of his favorites. But the half holding Kristina's image was now torn away. Looking around he searched in vain for the other half somehow knowing he wouldn't find it. His only question... which one of them tore the picture in half? Studying it more closely he could tell by the careful attempt to keep all of Kristina's body in tact that it was probably Alexis who tore the picture. His concern morphed into fear as he placed the torn picture in his pocket. He began to search the apartment hoping he might find Alexis but as with the picture, he knew she wasn't there. The silence of the place was deafening. "What the hell happened here?" he shouted to the emptiness in alarmed frustration. A quick call to the police station confirmed that his brother was in custody so wherever Alexis was, she was alone. A deafening clap of thunder shook the windows and looking toward the balcony, Ric made his way quickly outside to check the sky. Seeing the black angry clouds approaching from the direction of the docks he knew he didn't have much time before the storm reached Port Charles. He hurried back to the front door intending to search for Alexis, but just as he reached for the handle his eyes fell on her desk... "She left without her purse which is probably why she didn't answer her cell phone. And her keys are still here. Damn it Alexis, where the hell are you?" Ric was even more worried now, more worried than he could remember being in a long time. Alexis was out there somewhere and there was a massive storm fast approaching. 'She can't be far,' he thought 'she didn't take her car.' Pulling his cell back out of his pocket he tapped off a newly memorized number and waited, anxiously raking his hand through his hair.  
  
"Viola, it's Ric. You need to cut short Kristina's gym time today. There's a storm coming and I can't find Alexis. Take her home with you and we'll pick her up just as soon as I locate Alexis. Call and leave a message on her voicemail and let her know Kristina is safe with you in case she gets back to the apartment before I do. Don't wait, Viola. Please get Kristina out of there now. I don't want you two out in this weather. We'll call just as soon as we can. And thanks, Viola."  
  
Flipping his phone shut, he pulled her umbrella out of its stand by the door and dashed out of the apartment slamming the door behind him. Moments later, standing outside the entrance to her building he looked up one side of the street then down the other. No sign of her. "Maybe she needed coffee, maybe she went to Kelly's" he mumbled to himself. Ric began running, his adrenaline causing his heart to race in time with his feet and the fear that continued to rise within him. 'Hang on, Alexis. Please, just be safe until I find you.' He prayed.  
  
She didn't feel the chill in the air... she didn't hear the fast approaching storm. Alexis was reliving her past with Sonny. She wanted to remember every moment, pull from it what she could then leave it in the past where it belonged. She couldn't deny that during their time together she did begin to feel something more for him than friendship. His life, the way he dealt with the complexities of it had both excited and enticed her. But when you took his charm and boyish ways out of the picture, he was just a man who let the circumstances of his past dictate his future to make him nothing more than a user. He was a little boy lost in the body of a man, screaming to be freed from a closet he imprisoned himself in. It was a life he chose to embrace because Sonny wasn't willing to leave his past where it belonged and it made him a hard bitter man. Standing there on the docks unaware of her shivering body, Alexis finally admitted to herself that as much as she wanted to believe that Sonny could be better; that if he had just stayed with her that night so long ago... He could have pulled himself free from the demons that haunted him. But, after facing him this afternoon, after hearing his threat against her, Alexis was finally ready to let go of a man that had once filled her life. She was ready to walk away from the emotional control she allowed him to retain over her; ready to put to rest the friendship that she once depended on as her daughter now depended on her. It was time once again to move on and leave the past to take care of itself. Slipping her hand into the front pocket of her jeans she pulled free a small silver box and opening it pulled a small blue chip from its dark blue velvet cushion. Holding it in the palm of her hand she let her thumb caress it's smooth surface a few times as she remembered the night she refused to gamble away her last memento of a wonderfully amazing evening.  
  
Looking out over the horizon, Alexis let the tears fall as she said her final goodbye. "Here's to letting go..." With an ache in her heart for the loss of her child's father and the friendship that once meant so much to her, Alexis raised her arm and tossed the chip far out into the water watching it quickly disappear beneath the turbulent waves. And the tears of sorrow and regret continued to rain down her face. It was done now, no looking back. Her future was waiting for her, as was her daughter. She caught herself suddenly wondering if her future could possibly include a man who was also learning how to let go of the past. Standing there in the midst of a coming storm, Alexis suddenly found herself needing to see Ric... needing his calm assurance that everything would work out no matter how laden she was with doubt and fear.  
  
Sticking his head in the door at Kelly's, Ric shouted at Mike. "Have you seen Alexis this afternoon?" Receiving a negative answer, Ric slammed the door and stood there thinking a moment. Turning his head towards the docks... 'Surely she wouldn't go down there in this weather.' He thought. Talking to himself he turned toward the docks. "Yes she would if she needed space, if she was upset... she wouldn't want Kristina to see her upset."  
  
Rounding the corner of the Fisherman's Wharf, his heart jumped at the sight of her standing on the landing below. Running down the steps he shouted out to her.  
  
"Alexis?"  
  
When she turned her pale tearstained face up to find him, he felt the bottom fall out of his world at the sight of what he assumed was grief. And in that moment the sky opened up and released a torrent of rain that had them both soaked in seconds. Without hesitating he went to her taking his jacket off and wrapped it around her shaking body then quickly opened the umbrella to shelter her from the piercing raindrops. "Come on, sweetheart. I have to get you out of the rain." When she didn't move, he turned back to face her and suddenly found himself enveloped in her arms.  
  
"How did you know?" she whispered just loud enough to be heard over the pelting rain.  
  
"Know what?" he gasped, shocked at her unabashed welcome of his sudden appearance.  
  
"That I needed you."  
  
He choked on the lump in his throat. "I didn't know, Alexis. I don't even know how I knew you were in trouble, but we can't stop to discuss it now. We have to get off the docks. Now come on, let's get out of here." Turning back toward the steps he pulled her underneath the shelter of his arm and gently guided her as swiftly as he could back up the stairs and turned them toward home.  
  
Reaching her apartment building, rather than going in, Ric tucked her quickly into his car. He was taking her home with him. 'She needs me.' He thought. 'That's what she said... she needs me and I'm not about to let her down. And she's not going back into that apartment until I can somehow get it cleaned up.' Closing the car door after settling her, he ran around to his side and slipped in as quickly as he could, closing the umbrella and tossing it into the backseat. Just as he turned back around Alexis shrieked causing him to jump sending the top of his head into the roof of the car. Rubbing it fiercely he reached and took hold of her hand.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Kristina. Where is Kristina? Where is my daughter?"  
  
He shook his head back and forth forcing himself to swallow all of the questions that were swirling around in his head. He knew that if she were not so upset about whatever happened in her apartment she would be more in control of her thoughts and would have already remembered Kristina's gym class. Looking at her, he was stunned at the sadness and unease he found in her eyes. Opening his mouth to question her about her meeting with Sonny, he quickly closed it as he took in the sight of her frantic face and trembling body. His questions could wait. Alexis couldn't. She was cold and wet and shivering. He resigned himself to fumbling in the dark until he could get her comfortable enough to confide in him. And that meant relieving her fears and getting her safely to his home where he could take proper care of her.  
  
"Calm down, Alexis. She's fine. It seems we were both so concerned about today that we forgot it was her day for gym class. Viola has Kristina. I called her just a while ago and told her to cut the class short since this storm was coming. Viola took Kristina home with her until I could find you. We can go get her right now if you would like, but I think with the storm getting worse we should probably wait until it dies down some."  
  
Alexis sat back against the leather upholstery and breathed a sigh of relief. She should have known Ric would take care of Kristina first. It was what she should have done. And if she hadn't let Sonny get to her she would have Kristina at home by now... and her next thought sent the tears trailing down her cheeks again. 'I would have her home and she would probably be cut and bleeding from the effects of her father's temper tantrum'. She felt the car move and looked up to find Ric carefully maneuvering them out into the traffic, concentrating on getting them safely to his place. She smiled apologetically at him when he looked over at her with concern. His reassuring smile touched her as nothing else had in a long time. It was nice to be able to depend on someone else for a change. She relaxed a bit and looking down found his right hand resting on his thigh. She reached over and covered it with her own entwining her fingers with his and pulled his hand closer to lie on the seat between them. Throughout the long day, it was his strength, his presence that she leaned on. It was a single glossy photo that she kept reaching for when fear or anger threatened to overtake her. Reaching into her back pocket she pulled the photo free and looked at it once again. Hearing him chuckle beside her she smiled and looked over at him.  
  
"You don't know how much this picture helped me today, Ric?"  
  
He relaxed a bit and breathed deeply. She seemed ready to start putting the day behind her. He tightened his hold on her hand and smiled to himself. She initiated the contact this time. And that made him want to dance and shout and run through the streets yelling at the top of his lungs. He looked back over at her and saw her staring intently at the photo with a small strained smile still on her face. He began to talk to her quietly in an effort to further calm her and lead her thoughts back to a more pleasant place.  
  
"You don't know how much fun we had just trying to get that picture to look the way we wanted it to. Either my beard wasn't full enough for her or a blob of mud ended up in her mouth or..."  
  
"My daughter ate mud, Ric? She asked with alarm.  
  
He laughed at the look of unbelief and panic on her face. "No, she didn't eat mud. We just got a little too close to her mouth and it... fell in. She made the funniest faces trying to spit it all out while we washed her mouth out with water. She was the cutest little thing. I wish you could have been there."  
  
"So do I." Her voice almost inaudible, he barely heard her words. She was headed down again so he did his best to pick her back up.  
  
"Next time, Alexis. But you have to promise that you won't say no if she decides you will look pretty with a mud hat."  
  
Her wide eyes met his grin. "I am not going to put mud in my hair."  
  
"And if that's what your beautiful inquisitive little daughter wants?"  
  
He got her with that one. He laughed as he watched her shut her mouth and turn to look out her window. A particularly loud roll of thunder sent their hearts jumping and Ric felt it's effect on Alexis through her continued hold on his hand as her fingers tightened around his. He tried to calm her as best he could and still keep his focus on his driving knowing he should have both hands on the steering wheel, but he simply refused to let go of her. "Not much farther now, Alexis. I don't know about you but I'm ready to get out of this mess."  
  
She didn't answer, but he felt her thumb begin a back and forth movement against his. Glancing over at her, he could tell by her distraction that she was unaware of the caressing motion of her thumb. But he was well aware it... and it forced him to concentrate even harder on his driving. Her delicate touch was driving him insane with the need to pull her closer. He breathed a sigh of relief when he finally pulled into the parking garage of his building. Turning toward her he let go of her hand and reached toward her to pull the two sides of his jacket together and zipped them up so that maybe she wouldn't get any wetter. Looking out at the pouring rain he highly doubted he would be able to fully protect her from its driving force.  
  
"Stay put until I come around. I'll get the umbrella opened and we'll make a mad dash for the door. Just be careful... the pavement might be slippery."  
  
She didn't argue no matter how much she felt the need to inform him that she was a big girl and knew how to get out of the rain. His care for her and the need to protect her was endearing and after the day she just put herself through, it was a welcome relief to let someone else take over for a change. She looked up as he tapped on her window to let her know he was ready for her, and a soft gasp escaped her lips. Looking up at his face through the rain-spattered window, she felt tears fill her eyes again as the raindrops hit the window and began to travel down in little rivers. For a moment it gave the illusion that he appeared to be crying and she felt her heart tear. She knew it was caused by her fear that one day he would look at her and hate her for sending his brother to prison.  
  
Opening the door for her, Ric reached in to help her and just as she stood up beside him a gale force gust of wind tore the umbrella from his hand and they were both left unprotected from the torrential rain. He wrapped his arm around her and slammed the door. "We'll have to run for it. Just stay close and we'll be out of this mess in a minute," he shouted to her over the sound of the storm around them.  
  
Moments later they were standing at his door, drenched and shaking from the chill of the rain. Ric fished his keys from his pocket and opening the door ushering Alexis in as quickly as possible. He needed to get her warm before she became sick. Shutting the door behind them, he turned and reached for the dripping jacket she still wore.  
  
"Let me get that jacket off of you, Alexis. I can't have you getting sick on me. You need to get warm." He talked quietly while his hands worked quickly to unzip the jacket and push it off her shoulders. Feeling her eyes upon him, he looked up and reddened with embarrassment under her indulging gaze. "Sorry. I just... you know... wanted... you need to get warm... I can get something for you to wear... you're wet..."  
  
She smiled warmly at his unease. "I'm not so far gone that I can't undress myse..." she stopped, suddenly bashful and painfully aware of where her unguarded words were leading her. Attempting to redirect his attention she looked down at his soaked shirt and swallowed hard. It clung to him like a second skin detailing every muscle, every ripple caused by his own chilled body. She reached out to touch him wondering if the planes of his chest were as hard as they appeared to be under his clinging shirt, what would he feel like beneath her inquiring fingers. The chill of his shirt seemed to fade as she laid her palm on his chest. As her fingers splayed out across his chest, warmth born from her own body's long denied need began to travel up her arm and continue onward to infuse her whole body. Chilled heat suddenly became very enticing. "You're wet too." she whispered.  
  
Her touch set him on fire. As cold as they both were, the excitement her touch elicited caused a rush of electricity to travel throughout his body and he shivered unconsciously. His body reacted, without hesitation and he knew he needed to put some space between them... fast. "Yeah, I think we just need to get out of these wet clothes."  
  
The quick lift of her head and the shock in her eyes told him she misunderstood. "No... I mean..." he laughed nervously and settled himself as best he could then tried again. "Why don't you just go into my bathroom and take off those wet clothes and get into a hot bath."  
  
Alexis eyes drifted down toward the floor as her face flushed hotly with embarrassment at her misinterpretation of his intent. Her face reddened further when she suddenly realized her hand still lay upon his chest. Jerking it away from him she wrapped her arms around her waist and turned away. "I'm... I'm sorry. It's just... just unusual for me to... you know... be here. Like this."  
  
Ric smiled and did his best to hide his own reactions to having her finally with him after spending the day worrying about her and then to find himself panicked when he couldn't find her. He was so frantic that when he did finally find her on the docks, the relief was such that he had to fight to control his reactions so as not to scare her away. Watching her slowly turn away from him he reached for her and catching her upper arm turned her back towards him... he needed to hold her... needed to feel her arms around him... if only for a moment. He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"You had me scared out of my mind, Alexis. I couldn't find you. I called your apartment... you never answered, so I went there. The door was unlocked... I saw the wreckage... and your keys... I searched the place, but you were gone. I couldn't find you." The more he tried to explain, the more he remembered how scared he was... how lost he felt when he couldn't find her... His voice broke and all he was left with was a whisper. "You were gone. Then the storm... I knew you were out there... somewhere... but I didn't know where... I just started running... you... you were gone." The more he tried to explain... the more he felt the fear all over again and he couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes as he held her tighter.  
  
Alexis felt the trembling in his body and knew that this time it wasn't born from the wet clothes or the chill in the air. His body told her more than his words ever could. The amount of raw emotion emanating from him stunned her. When did he begin to care so much about what happened to her? She lifted her arms and wrapped them around him as tight as she could.  
  
"Shhh... It's okay, Ric. I'm fine. It's over. It's all over. Shhhh..." Rubbing her hands up and down his back she comforted him as best she could for a moment then stopped and settled her hands around his waist waiting for him to calm down enough to be able to let go. Ric needed to get warm just as much as she did, but Alexis knew that Ric would not take care of himself until he had taken care of her. And they both needed time to put away any telltale signs of false emotions induced by the anxiety of the day. At least she knew she did.  
  
When his arms relaxed around her she gently released herself from his hold then took a small step back. Looking up at him she noticed one single glistening tear making it's final trek down his face and reached up to softly brush it away then smiled as she tweaked his nose in an effort to lighten his mood. "Didn't you say something about a warm bath. If this shivering gets any more severe, my teeth will either fall out from the chattering or my tongue will get caught between them and get bitten completely off which might not be a bad thing for you as it will render me completely unable to talk and I'm sure you could find something better to do than listen to me ramble all evening..." She was suddenly quieted with Ric's finger against her lips and the sound of his laughter reached deep inside and unlocked her own laughter. She loved the sound of his laughter.  
  
Ric was grateful to her for gently leading them into a safer place, away from his vulnerable emotions. He joined her attempts to lighten the mood.  
  
"It occurred to me sometime today that you might have exhausted your daily quota of conversation with everyone else and you probably wouldn't want to expend any more effort by enlightening me with the result of your days activity. Evidently I was wrong in my assumption. So, if I might interrupt your current ramble for just a moment, I'll let you rest those lovely vocal chords for a while by simply leading you into the seductive haven of my bedroom." His last words were spoken with a lower silkier tone of voice and he laughed as she slapped at him noting the red hue that stole across her cheeks.  
  
Ric also understood that they both needed time to put away any feelings that might be uncomfortable between them... he knew he did! He never wanted Alexis to feel uncomfortable with him because his feelings for her were more than what she felt for him. It was enough that she was with him... safe and would be his... alone... for most of the evening. Reigning in his excitement, he leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead then let her go. "Before anything else rises to cause you to feel the need to beat me why don't we get this show on the road. Come on." He took her hand and led her toward his bedroom both of them laughing at the silliness of their banter. "I think you'll enjoy using my bath more than the guest bath. There's a Jacuzzi in here and you can take all the time you need." Letting go of her hand he walked swiftly into his bath and returned with a basket full of a variety of bathing soaps, oils and bath beads.  
  
A cloud settled over Alexis as she looked up into Ric's eyes.  
  
"Elizabeth?"  
  
He should have known Alexis would jump to that conclusion. One simple question and he found himself needing to explain a relationship that was no longer a factor in his life. He wanted to reassure Alexis that Elizabeth was finally in his past and the only residual feelings left where she was concerned were nothing more than those he would feel for a good friend. But it would have to wait. It was a conversation that would take more time than he wished to give it right then. So he told her truthfully where he obtained the articles.  
  
"Okay, you caught me. I do a lot of traveling. I pay outrageous fares for hotel rooms. I usually take my own stuff, so I collect what the hotel leaves for their guests and bring it home with me... for times like this." He was slightly embarrassed to admit to hoarding fancy hotel toiletries, but his embarrassment faded when she laughed and admitted to doing the same thing.  
  
Handing her the basket he walked back to his bedroom door and turned once more to look at her. He never tired of just watching her. "When you're done, I'll have some dry clothes laid out on the bed. Just take your time and I'll see if I can't come up with something for us to eat after I get cleaned up."  
  
Alexis stood there for a moment taking in the sight of him. From the moment he found her on the docks, Ric made her feel as though she was the most important person in his life. And she didn't have a clue how to respond to him. Her own feelings toward him were quickly becoming more than what she ever expected to feel for him. Watching him watch her an impromptu impulse suddenly struck her and without questioning the why of it, she simply gave in and let it lead her. She walked slowly toward him and upon reaching him leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. With her lips just an inch away from his she lingered a moment and then broke the contact. She looked up into his surprised eyes. "Thank you, Ric. For taking care of me and my daughter!" With that she turned and quickly made her way back to the bathroom and closed the door behind her not wanting to give Ric time to question her action. If she couldn't explain it to herself, then she certainly wouldn't be able to explain it to him. Something was happening to her and it was causing a mountain of fear to rise within the closely guarded walls of her heart. Alexis never was able to calmly handle anything she didn't understand. And what she was feeling for Ric Lansing definitely fell under the category of something she didn't understand. But, as she sat down on the side of the bathtub, a basket of kindness in her lap, Alexis stared at the closed door and allowed herself to begin the task of sorting through the feelings and chaotic confusion that surrounded the thought that Ric was actually becoming more than just a friend. Much more.  
  
Ric watched her walk into his bath and close the door behind her, shutting herself away from his hungry eyes. He stood there for a moment more wondering how he was going to make it through the evening without giving away just how much he was beginning to care about her. He ducked his head and sighed heavily knowing that it was going to be hard keeping his feelings for her locked away. He made his way to his dresser and opened the bottom drawer. Pulling out a pair of sweats and a long sleeve t-shirt, he lay them across his bed then walked back to the door and with one last lingering look toward his bathroom he reached for the bedroom door and closed it softly behind him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Alexis leaned against the doorway of the hall watching Ric move quietly around the room. Her mind was recapturing the thoughts that invaded her quiet time closeted behind the door of his bathroom, settled deep within a bath full of penetrating heat and bubbles. There was something so intimately enticing about finding herself in Ric's apartment in such a vulnerable state of undress as she remembered how inviting he looked with his shirt soaked and clinging to his body like a second skin. The captivating visual of the two of them sharing the delights hidden beneath a sea of bubbles caused her cheeks to redden even more than the heat infusing her body by the gentle caress of the water. Where did this unbridled passion for him come from she questioned herself in awe. However it happened, it was quickly taking control of her; rendering her incapable of thinking clearly whenever he was within reach of her starving hands. The unexpected passion she felt deep inside for him stunned her. It was raw, hungry, unrelenting and completely foreign to her. Never, in any past relationship had she experienced something so primeval, so recklessly forbidden. 'Forbidden?' She frowned at the word that came uninvited… why would she think of what she felt for Ric as forbidden? Her musings were suddenly interrupted as she heard her name called softly from across the room and her eyes once again found him waiting… arm stretched out toward her beckoning her to join him. Without thought, without hesitation, she closed the distance between them and slipped her hand into his.

She was a vision standing there across the room wrapped haphazardly within the confines of his terrycloth robe. It almost swallowed her and he grinned at the sight of the arms folded up at least 4 times in order for her hands to remain free. He wondered briefly why she chose the robe over the sweatshirt and pants he laid out for her. He was grateful for whatever it was that drove her choice toward the robe since it left him with the charming sight of her bare feet peeking out from beneath the hem of his over-sized robe. She was lost in thought; her eyes fixed on him without really seeing him. He called and raised his hand to call her closer. His heart jumped at the feel of her hand softly finding its way into his. He could feel the heat and softness of her skin made all the more so by the bath she just left. Her hair was partially pinned up and the damp tendrils that fell down the sides of her face called for his care. He reached up and separated the strands from her skin, his fingers tingling at the softness of her cheeks under his touch. He smiled.

"Come here." He whispered softly. "I want you to sit down in front of the fire. It's warm and your hair needs to dry before you get chilled again."

She let him lead her to the hearth and he held onto her as she lowered herself to the floor. He released her hands and turned back toward his bedroom.

"I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable."

Alexis settled back against the large cushion leaning against the couch and focused her gaze on the flames that licked up and around the aged stone logs that conveniently replaced the more bothersome wood logs. She suddenly found herself wishing for the aromatic scent of conventional wood burning logs. She looked up when she felt Ric rejoin her.

"I know it's safer and less messy for the apartment complex to build stone logs into their fireplaces, but don't you sometimes miss the nostalgic smell of wood burning?"

Ric smiled down at her and stepped closer to the fireplace. "Yes, I do miss that particular aroma at times. That's why I decided to buy these." He reached up to the mantle and retrieved a match. Lighting it he then touched it to the tip of a candle on each side of the hearth. He watched her smile as the aroma of burning wood began to fill the room.

"You're cheating." She replied with a soft laughter.

"Maybe a little, but I doubt you'll hold it against me this time."

She laughed softly again and reached up to grasp his hand to pull him down beside her. "You're right. This time, I won't hold it against you."

She watched as he reached behind his back and grew curious as he retrieved a brush from his back pocket. "What are you up to?"

Ric smiled again and sat down beside her. "Come here." He patted the floor between his spread legs.

The look of curiosity on her face deepened into wariness as she again questioned him. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what you're up to, Ric." To sit between Ric's legs was not a position she was ready to find herself in; especially with the sensually erotic visions that were now becoming so prevalent in her mind.

Ric's face fell as he watched her become what he interpreted as distant and wary of his motives. "I was just going to brush your hair out so that it will dry quicker, Alexis. I wasn't going to assault you or anything."

The hurt in his voice struck a chord deep inside and as her eyes closed against the wounded look in his as her head fell forward with guilt. "I'm sorry, Ric. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean…" She looked up into his eyes and reached toward him. She let her fingers find the frown on his face and she tried to caress it away. But he wasn't ready to let go of the hurt yet and her fingers finally drifted softly down his cheek before falling uselessly into her lap, grieved that she was unable to erase the damage."

They both sat in awkward silence for a few moments and then Alexis looked over at him a sad worried look on her face. She was afraid of what she was feeling… of what she saw in his eyes when he looked at her. She needed answers.

"What are we doing, Ric?"

He knew what she was talking about. He had asked himself that very thing more times than he could remember. He gave her honesty.

"I don't know, Alexis. All I know is that I can't imagine my life without you anymore. I don't want to. This is…" he stopped, unsure of himself. Her feather-light touch on his arm gave him courage. "I've been struggling with why I have this need to be close to you. There is so much about me that is wrapped up in my past… I've started questioning just who it is I think I am and what business do I have insinuating myself into your life." His eyes focused on the curve of her shoulder to keep her from seeing too much within the depths of his troubled eyes. He felt her draw a deep breath in preparation to interrupt. "No, Alexis please. Let me do this… let me get this said before I lose it."

She couldn't bear the anguish in his voice. She wanted desperately to take back her misinterpreted actions, but she just wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for him to know how much he was affecting her on a physical level much less an emotional one. And she was frightened of what he seemed determined to tell her. She interrupted him again. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. You just wanted to help and I reacted badly. It's normal for me to question everyone's actions in regard to any attempt to help me.

"I'm not everyone, Alexis. This… you..." He choked on the lump in his throat and swallowed hard to rid himself from its grip. Taking a deep breath he tried again to defend himself. "I thought you were finally seeing me… seeing that I'm trying my best to be better… to change. I thought you were beginning to believe in me… trust me."

Whatever resistance she still held onto crumbled beneath his need for her to see the man he was desperately trying to become. "I know you are, Ric. And I do believe in you. I really do. I've seen what you've accomplished and I am proud of you. That was just a silly knee-jerk reaction on my part. I promise you that it's… it's not how I really feel." With that Alexis pulled her legs beneath her and raised herself up onto her knees. She moved between his legs and sat back down with her back to him giving him complete access to her wet hair. She dropped her head to hide her face from him… preferring that he not be able to see her reluctance when she finally gave him more than she had ever given anyone before. "It's just as hard for me to change as it is for you. But, I'm… I'm willing to try, Ric."

Her words were whisper soft and filled with apprehension. His heart hurt for her. The guilt for hurting him was evident in the sag of her shoulders, but what concerned him most was his reaction to her wariness… to allow it to take him to a place that would force her to give more than she was ready to give. It shamed him. He understood how questioning yourself could send you reeling and overturn the tenuous balance you fought to keep on your life. Alexis needed to be freed from the guilt that was now weighing on her for hurting him. He reached up and unclasped the clip holding her hair up and started to speak to her quietly as he began to gently brush out her hair.

"I guess I'm still pretty sensitive about the man who walked into Port Charles several years ago. When I look at him now… he makes me sick… ashamed that I let myself get so messed up. I guess I hang on to him as a reminder of what can happen to a man when he lets hate take control of his life. But in keeping him so close all the time… I tend to give him more attention than I should."

He continued to draw the brush through the strands of her hair as he tried to explain the thoughts that kept him so confused and hesitant where she was concerned.

"He scares me, Alexis. Even now when I'm beginning to see what life is like without him. His hate… I don't feel it controlling me anymore, but I can't help but question which man continues to knock on your door day after day. He was so much a part of me… in the beginning he wanted to use you to finally achieve what he spent his life preparing for. But when I'm with you, he doesn't seem to be able to affect me as much as he does when I'm alone.'

She tried to turn and face him… to try and make him see that he wasn't that man anymore. But, he quickly placed his hands on her shoulders and stilled her movement.

"No… I need to do this. I need you to know what's been going on in my head so you can run if you want to. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to run just as far away as you could. But, I'm asking you to wait… just hear me out. There's more and I just need you to listen."

"But, Ric…"

"No, Alexis. Please… just let me get this out."

She desperately needed him to know she wasn't afraid of him. "But I don't see that man in you anymore."

Ric pulled her back against him and placed his lips close to her ear. "Right now it doesn't matter if you see him or not. I feel him. He's inside me, taunting me… trying to make me believe that there is still something dishonest about my intentions toward you. I have to silence him, Alexis. I have to find a way to silence him so that he is no longer a threat to us. Please, Alexis. Can I ask you to just listen to me for a moment? It's important! Not just to me, but to you as well. To what's going on between us… to what is scaring us so much about the possibility of becoming more."

He pushed her away just enough to be able to continue brushing her hair as he continued to explain the war in his head.

"This morning before I came to your place. I stood in my bathroom and looked in the mirror and what I saw made me start questioning myself again. I don't want there to be anything between us that could eventually make you start questioning who I am now… or who I'm trying to become. I need to be a man you can depend on… a man that won't hurt you… I need to know that for once in my life I stepped up to the plate and made a difference in someone's life. A positive difference."

He dropped the brush he held and his hands fell to her shoulders gently turning her to face him.

"And then I was suddenly knocking on your door and there were still those nagging doubts weighing me down. And when you finally opened the door it was like nothing else mattered. The only thing I wanted was for you to see me… see that I want nothing more than to be a man you can trust… a man who finds you beautiful and desirable. I wanted so much from you in that one moment and I just…" His voice faltered. "I couldn't tell you why I suddenly found myself on your doorstep 2 hours early. All I knew was that I needed to see you… I needed to be near you… I needed to prove to myself that the ghost of that man that walked into Port Charles 2 years ago was nothing more than a demon that could finally be exorcised. And you made me want to be rid of him… you and my beautiful niece."

She was stunned by his words. She could see so much turmoil and need in his eyes. It frightened her to find out how much he needed from her. It frightened her almost as much as her own need of him terrified her. But his honesty allowed her the freedom to delve into her own fears and release them into his care just as he had released his own into her care. She reached up and drew her fingers softly down both sides of his face.

"Do you know what got me through today, Ric? What gave me the strength to do what needed to be done?"

His eyes rested on her face unwilling to look elsewhere. "What?"

Alexis reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled out the small photo that she had reached for several times during the day. "This is what gave me the strength to face Sonny. Look at the man in this picture, Ric."

His eyes briefly left her and found his own mud-covered face looking back at him. His focus quickly shifted to the little girl held close in his arms. "She fills my heart with more love than I ever thought I was capable of."

Looking back down at the photo she made sure his eyes followed her as she pointed to his glossy reflection. "And 'he' fills my heart with more trust than I thought _I_ was ever capable of. Ric, I left my daughter in your care today. Whenever the situation became unbearable, I reached into my pocket and touched this photo. It grounded me and reminded me of what was important. And I don't just mean my daughter. Ric, you were just as much a part of what happened today as Kristina and myself were. You are a part of us now and that's something I never want to lose."

He reached for her hands and enclosed them within his own. He hesitated a moment then asked the question that had been bothering him. "What were you doing on the docks, Alexis? You were so lost in thought that you didn't even see or hear the storm coming."

She smiled with regret and leaned forward to rest her head against his for brief moment. She wanted him to know what drove her to the docks but she wasn't sure she could open up to him that much. It would give him too much insight into her thoughts. She leaned back and sighed heavily before looking back up into his patient eyes. His heart, his fear and his needs were now hers because he was courageous enough to take a chance. Could she give him any less?

"I wanted to see you… needed to be with you. But I knew that I couldn't face you until everything with Sonny was finally settled. I needed to let go of him before I could be with you. Do you remember when I told you about the time he took me to Puerto Rico?"

"Yes. You said it was… transcendent. It was the one thing that you wouldn't take back throughout your relationship with him. I know now that your answer was just an attempt to keep me from the truth about Kristina, but I also know that your time with him there was very special to you."

"Yes it was." She whispered and drew a deep breath before continuing. "I brought something back with me that I have treasured and kept safely locked away since that trip. I took it with me to the docks this afternoon. It was my last remaining tie to the relationship I shared with Sonny outside of my daughter. I let go of that relationship this afternoon. It's now floating somewhere on the bottom of the river."

"You did that? For me? That's why you said what you did when I found you! You asked me how I knew you needed me!"

"Yes. I did. When I watched that blue chip sink beneath the waves all I wanted was to see you. There's not a lot I'm sure about at this point, but I know I don't want there to be any question in your mind about what Sonny means to me. But, I also need you to know that the man I spent that one night with is not the man we both know today. I will always miss the gentle man who fathered my child, but he's gone now and you will never have a reason to question my feelings for him ever again. I wish with all my heart you could have known the man I cared for during that time. I believe he would have been the brother you've always needed and wanted."

Ric pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth gently as his eyes filled with tears of regret. He wondered if he would have given Sonny a chance to be a brother to him given the hate he had always lived with. His care of her stilled as she leaned back and fixed her eyes on the pocket of the silk robe he wore. He became concerned at the look of hurt on her face. It was more pronounced than any he had ever witnessed before in her.

"What is it, Alexis?"

She drew a ragged breath and released it slowly before looking up into his concerned eyes. "I wish I didn't have to tell you… but, as the DA you need to know. As his brother…" She stopped to steal herself to continue. "I never wanted to add to the already volatile relationship you share with him. But, you need to know that he threatened my life today. Not only mine, but Dara's as well."

His anger morphed instantaneously. To keep her from seeing it, he pulled her back into his arms until he could control it.

Alexis wasn't fooled by his response. She knew his anger was raging uncontrollably. She could feel it in the tremor of his arms around her. She drew herself closer to him and encircled him with her arms.

"Don't let him do this to you, Ric. He's gone. We do not have to worry about Sonny anymore. I turned all of the files over to the FBI. Our part in what happens to Sonny is over. He is out of our lives now and I need you to calm down. Please don't let him do this to you… to us." She felt his arms tighten around her and then his chest rose against hers as he filled his lungs with air. He released it slowly and as he did his arms loosened around her.

"I'm sorry. For him to threaten your life… the anger was there before I had a chance to gain control over it."

"I know. I expected you to get angry…"

He looked closely at her. "But, you're not! Why?"

"Because I'm tired of all the anger and fighting. I'm tired of expecting him to be someone he'll never be again. I had to give up on Sonny today. I've never done that to anyone except a select few in my own family. It tears at your heart to realize that in order to really let go of someone you have to give up hope that they will ever be what you need them to be. Giving up hope is not easy for me. It never has been. Until today, I always retained a little hope where Sonny was concerned." She sniffed and gently lay her hand on Ric's heart needing the feel of life under her palm. She reached up with her other hand and caught the bridge of her nose between her fingers trying to still the tears that were threatening. He had to lean closer to hear her whisper. "In the end, I gave him all I could and walked away."

Seeing her pain, his own eyes filled as Ric reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled a torn picture from its depth. "You gave him the knowledge of his daughter after you took yourself out of the picture?"

She looked at the torn picture of herself and a sad tear finally found an escape from the corner of her eye. "He was handcuffed by that time. And he wouldn't accept the picture until I had torn my face from his sight. That was when I finally gave up on him. I hugged him and kissed his cheek then walked away. The Sonny I knew is gone and today I buried what remained of him beneath angry waves."

He pulled her into his arms and allowed her to mourn the loss of a man she once cared for very deeply. And as her arms closed around him, Ric mourned the loss of his brother. Together they let go of a man who for the past few years had caused them nothing but pain and heartache.

Minutes later when her tears were dry, Alexis leaned back to look at Ric. His head was down and she could see the tracks of tears down his cheeks. Lifting her hand she cupped his chin and urged him to look up. When he finally brought his eyes up to meet hers they smiled briefly, understanding that this was a moment that they would always share and remember. They would always remember it as the moment they buried their past and its heartbreak. It was the moment that in their hearts, together they buried Sonny Corinthos. It was Alexis who took the next step. Understanding the magnitude of what she was about to do… she let go of the fear infusing her as she slid her hand through the tousled curls to the back of his head and pulled him close. They both needed comfort… they both needed to feel safe… and they both needed to feel loved.

"Alexis?"

"Shhh… no more talking."

He suddenly felt ill at ease... He wanted so much from her but was afraid to let himself reach for her. It seemed they were about to cross a line that would change everything between them. A line he wanted to cross, needed to cross. But, he was afraid they weren't ready. What if the fears they both held deep inside some day reared their ugly heads? They wouldn't be able to return to the friendship they both enjoyed so much. What if she expected more than he could give? What if she needed more than he knew how to give? What would happen to him if one day she took Kristina and walked away from him? His feelings of inferiority were quickly getting the best of him.

She watched his face fill with doubt and knew that he was beginning to question himself. She smiled. "It's okay, Ric. I want this. You want this. Tomorrow we'll figure out where we go from here."

"Are you sure, Alexis? Once we do this we can't go back to the way things were before. I can't. Please be sure that this is what you want."

"Ric, we've been tossed and turned by every conceivable problem you can think of for the past few years. Today was hard for both of us. What I did today effected both our lives. No matter how much you may deny it… I took your brother from you and we can't act like it's not a big deal. It's a very big deal. I will live with the consequences of what I've done for the rest of my life. But, at the end of the day… when I couldn't find a coherent thought outside of the grief and turmoil there was one thing that remained very clear in my head. I wanted to be with you. I needed you, Ric. And you were there. When I turned and saw you on the docks… the fear on your face over my welfare… it's been a long time since anyone looked at me like that and all I wanted was your arms around me. I need…" Alexis hesitated. She knew what she needed from him. She knew what she wanted. But to give voice to it…

Ric watched a nervous bashful look cross her face and understood that she was just as needful of being close to him in that moment as he was in need of her. Ric needed to love Alexis. She sat cross-legged in front of him and without taking his eyes from hers he reached down and took hold of her ankles and carefully pulled them apart curling them around his waist. He then wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

"We both need to feel loved. We both need to feel like we belong somewhere. I don't know about you, but in my heart, I belong with you. I want to make love to you, Alexis. I want us to spend the night together. I want to wake up with you in the morning and know that you don't regret anything about tonight. But, I won't push you. If this is what you want and need for right now, then so be it. I can wait for the rest. Right now, in this room, it's just you and me. There are no ghosts, no doubts regarding why I'm here or who I am or what I want. I love you, Alexis. And I want to be with you now, tomorrow and for the rest of my life."

Looking into his eyes, Alexis suddenly felt a feeling of peace flow through her body. Ric wanted her… needed her just as much as she needed him. She wrapped her arms around him and lay her cheek against his just in front of his ear.

"You snuck up on me, Ric Lansing. I don't know when it happened, but somehow you've been able to work your way into my life and my daughter's. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just saying I don't think I mind it… at all. And I know my daughter doesn't. I'm not ready to give you the words you want to hear. Just give me some time to get it all settled in my head. Can you give me time, Ric?"

Ric tightened his arms around her. It was more than he expected, more than he could have hoped for.

"Whatever you need, Alexis. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Just tell me what you want and I'll move heaven and earth to get it for you."

She smiled against his cheek and leaned her head down to snuggle into the curve of his neck. She seductively whispered what she wanted very quietly.

"I think there's a knot in the tie of this robe. Could you untie it for me?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Warning: This chapter is rated PG-13**

**Chapter 19**

He studied her expression still slightly unsure about the timing of allowing their feelings to become physical. In his own heart he knew that making love with Alexis would complete him in more ways than he could ever explain to her. As she gazed into his eyes, her own darkened imperceptibly and he knew instinctively that she was about to give him another truth.

"What?"

He watched her hesitate… her eyes telling him that the truth she held was more intimate and personal to her than the actual physical act of making love. Lifting his hands, he framed her face and willed her to know without words that whatever it was that held her still, he would accept it and love her all the more for her trust in him.

"Tell me, baby. Tell me what makes you hesitate when your eyes and body tell me you want this as much as I do."

Alexis reached up and mirrored his hold on her as she gently held his head between her hands. She pulled him toward her just enough to touch her lips to his briefly before letting go and covering his hands that still held her gently within his grasp. She pulled them down from her face and entwining her fingers with his rested them upon each of her thighs. Her eyes never left his face as she released the fingers of his left hand and reached again to find the strong curve of his jaw with her fingers. Touching him softly; learning the feel of him, her eyes moved from his and watched her fingers trace the outline of his cheek then travel toward the bridge of his nose, slowly down to his chin and then back toward his temple.

Just as he was about to ask again what held her quiet, he felt her fingers find his ear and travel the contours of it, barely touching him as she learned the hills and valleys that created its form. It felt like a ghost of the wind tickling him and the sudden gasp that slipped past his lips sounded like thunder in his ears. How was it that at the age of 40 he never knew his ears were directly connected to the river of passion that forever flowed through the heart of a man? He suddenly felt chilled when her fingers left his face and his body shivered uncontrollably at the loss.

"You have very sensitive ears." She whispered huskily.

"I guess I do." He countered in awe.

"You didn't know?"

"No." He whispered. "Not until you touched me!" His voice now slightly hoarse with her effect on him.

A look of wonder touched her face as she reached up and placed a finger to his lips. He kissed it and watched her eyes flare briefly before closing as she took a steadying breath. When she spoke again… her quiet intense and open words stunned him gently stroking his bruised sense of worth. They fell on him like rain, nourishing and cleansing.

"It's been a long time since I've been loved, Ric. A very long time! What I give to you tonight, I give it freely, unconditionally, and I don't give it lightly. I give it because you found something of worth in me. I want to give you what you have given me. You gave me time and care, patience and support. And you made me see that it was once again okay to open that part of my heart that was so battered and abused that it left me cold inside. You warmed my heart, Ric. And I need you. I need this. I want you to make love to me. I want you to let me take care of that part of you that needs to be comforted and brought to life again."

Her words freed him from his prison of doubt and condemnation. She didn't just bring his heart back to life… she filled it to overflowing and gave him wings to fly. His eyes misted, but they never left her beautiful face. His tears did not shame him… they were hers. They belonged to her because they were the truest form of his love for her.

He began to disentangle himself from her legs that were still wrapped around him, but her hands again stilled him. When he looked back up at her she shook her head no.

"What?"

"I want to stay here."

"But, the floor is hard. I don't want you to get chilled."

"I won't."

He looked at her curiously. His intent was to take her to his bed, but Alexis was clearly telling him no.

"You're going to have to help me out, Alexis. I don't understand." 

Taking hold of each of his wrists she pulled his arms around her and then wrapped her own around his waist and pulled him closer. Leaning forward she smiled mischievously as she kissed the curve of his throat where it met his shoulder. Drawing her lips very slowly up the line of his throat she laughed gently as he jumped when her tongue found the cavern of his ear. His laughter followed hers. 

"You're going to go for the ears every chance you get from now on, aren't you?"

"Mmm…. Hmmm… Always. When you find a toy, you don't toss it away until your satisfied that you've gotten as much fun out of it as you possibly can." She whispered impishly as she kissed his cheek, lingering a moment before finally straightening to catch his full attention with a look that told him she was ready to explain what she desired of him. "Do you know what I see when I look at you?"

"Tell me."

"I see someone who is my equal. I see a man who is just as learned, just as intelligent and just as competent. That excites me. I think that is what attracted me to you in the first place. So that's how I want us to be this first time. Equal. Just you and I, face to face, nothing to distract our attention but what we can see and feel in each other! I want to see every change of expression on your face and I want to hear every sound. I want to know the moment you begin to fall and I want to fall with you. Together. The way we've been since you walked into my home that morning and turned my life upside down. Will you ride a wave with me, Ric? Will you take a ride with me?"

He didn't answer with words. Taking her face between his hands he leaned close and flicked her bottom lip with his tongue urging her to let him slip inside so he could begin his quest to learn the completeness of her body with touch and taste, sight and sound.

As he delved into the depths of her mouth, the low hum of his pleasure reverberated against the palms of her hands as she clutched his shoulders. And Alexis found she could not resist the pull of the open neck of his robe and her hands slowly found their way under the lapels and slipped inside. She slid her hands up the planes of his chest and surprised herself as her thoughts suddenly compared him to a Greek Achilles as she felt the muscular strength of him beneath her palms as she slowly pushed the silky cover from his shoulders. But before she could satisfy her quest to explore every inch of his chest with fingers that trembled with barely concealed excitement, tickles of pleasure suddenly soared through her body as Ric flicked the roof of her mouth with his tongue sending her reeling. She immediately took on a personal challenge to search for other tantalizing secrets he may be hiding. Alexis was nothing if not generous in returning a favor in kind. She wanted him to feel just as pleasured as she did. She reached up and took his head between her hands and quickly took control of a kiss that was rapidly sending them both toward the need for oxygen.

She delighted him. He felt her shudder when he let his tongue dance softly against the roof of her mouth. There were treasures to find along the path of her body. And Ric wanted to find them all, taste them all, discover ever experience her body had to offer. But, as she took control of his senses he knew his journey across the plains of her body would have to wait momentarily. He was quickly learning that there were rewards in finding hidden treasures. When Alexis decided to take control of a kiss she held nothing back. She would not be satisfied until she found a treasure of her own. There was not a place left in his mouth that she did not ravage by the time she finished her own exploration. When she finally succeeded in finding a hidden treasure, Ric could not control his response. Just as she began to retreat from the depths of his mouth she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and lightly bit the inside of his tender skin. He released a low fervent growl as he felt the fire inside his passion ignite. Their legs were wrapped so closely around each other that he knew she felt it as well.

Releasing him she leaned back and smiled wickedly. "That's two that I've found to your one, Lansing. What's wrong, Harvard didn't teach her boys how to play?"

He laughed at her teasing and added his own

"We Harvard boys were taught that in order to satisfy every passion that a woman holds deep inside it takes time and patience." He hesitated long enough to increase her curiosity then pulled her hips closer to his own and watched her eyes widen in surprise. He chuckled as he completed his own teasing response. "Harvard taught us something else that Yale women could never find in a Yale man."

"And what's that?" She laughed seductively as she rocked against him forcing an unsolicited moan from his lips as his eyes closed tightly in an effort to bring his raging need under control. Finally looking up once he was back in control he gazed into her mischief eyes and landed a stellar shot of his own.

"That excelling in the arts is more advantageous than excelling in law."

Her eyes narrowed slightly with the need to defend her love of the law. But in the next moment she allowed a patronizing smile to settle across her face as she saw a twinkle appear in his eyes followed by an almost imperceptible twitch of his mouth to hide the grin he was struggling to contain. "Would you care to explain that statement, Mr. Lansing?"

"In time, Miss Davis, in time. We Harvard men also learned that patience is more than a virtue. It's absolutely essential when you're faced with a delectable feast of delicacies that are more rare and exotic than any you've tasted before. If you're a racer, intent on the finish you will always miss some of the more enticing surprising treats along the way. I prefer long leisurely trips with many stops at interesting places along the way."

While enjoying the twinkle and laughter in his voice, Ric's words were setting fire to the dry kindling of need that she had denied for far too long. Her body was quickly telling her that the time for words and games of playful innuendo was past. She smiled and took possession of his mouth once more quickly letting him know that she was through playing.

Lifting his arms, he let his robe pool on the floor around him, it's tie keeping the lower part of it still covering him. When his arms were free he reached for the tie of Alexis' robe and slowly pulled it free as she continued her quest to pull the breath from his body. He briefly wondered if a man could reach a release without any stimulation other than what Alexis was doing to him with her kisses.

As the tie of her robe finally released itself from around her, Alexis teased Ric's lip once more before drawing back to watch his face. She wasn't a vain woman, but she suddenly wanted him to think her just as attractive as she thought him to be. She wanted to see his face when he opened her robe. The sound of his breath leaving his lungs thrilled her, but the look on his face gave her the moon.

He watched her eyes as he reached for the folds of her robe and pulled them slowly apart. When he couldn't bear to wait another minute, he finally gave his eyes the gift of her unadorned body. The sight that awaited him stole his breath. Such beauty, such an exquisitely beautiful panorama of sensual pleasure! His eyes drifted slowly up to hers as awe covered his face.

"So beautiful..." his whispered as he looked back down to follow every curve of her body with his eyes. Leaning forward he touched his lips to the hollow of her throat then traveled toward her shoulder where he nipped softly before traveling back up toward her throat and settling just beside her ear. "You make me ache inside..."

He watched her reach toward him and breathlessly followed the graceful movement of her fingers as they drew closer to his body. She was unaware of the purely erotic sight of her fingers finding the edge of his robe and slowly drawing it away from what lay hidden beneath. His eyes again inched up to recapture her face and the smile she wore for him sent his want deeper as a fiery river pulsed uncontrollably through his body. Seeking her eyes he silently begged for her touch while feeling a moment of dread for when she finally did. To feel her touch him… he worried that he would not be able to withhold a release that he desperately wanted to save for her to take pleasure from. He wanted to give her all that he could to ease the ache he knew she must feel for the loss of the ultimate shared offering that gives a man and a woman the freedom to possess a part of each others soul. He wanted to give back to her that gift that she had been denied for so long. When her touch finally found him, he couldn't contain the soft gasp that left his throat. He inhaled so deeply that he not only took her scent deep into his lungs, but he took the aroma from the candles he lit earlier as well. His head reeled as the smell of a floral summer rain met the aroma of burning wood. Needing more he reached for her and pulled her close. Lowering his head he put his lips to her shoulder and touched his tongue to her skin and found the headiness he sought. A wayward thought flew past his senses as he wondered which of the bath oils she had used that made her taste and smell so sweet. And how was it that the aroma of a wood burning scented candle could bring two so completely different and distinctive scents into a marriage that could assault him and take him to the edge. It was earthy and refined, gentle and striking… it was filling him with a want he couldn't describe. It was more than loving her, more than joining their bodies into one… it was his whole life ahead of him… the complete joining of his life with hers.

The moment she touched him her eyes met his and what his thoughts couldn't express with words she found in the expression of his face… the mist coating the beauty of his eyes and the wild beating of his heart. She knew he was close… she found it in the desire his eyes could no longer hide and in the heat of his body that was keeping her warm. And she felt it in the palm of her hand. She would allow him to give what he needed to give. She released him and brought her hands up to cradle his head as she looked deeply into his eyes.

The only sounds to be heard in the dimly lit room were the flames gently licking the obstruction that prevented them from reaching their intended height and the rain spattering against the windows. Thunder rolled periodically following flashes of lightning that penetrated the darkened corners of his apartment. They were both so intent on discovering the delights of each other that the storm raging outside had all but been forgotten.

It was time… they both knew and recognized the moment that all lovers look for when seeking the purest coupling granted a man and woman. Running his hands up her sides and around to hold her close he lifted her just enough then slowly, gently released her back down to settle warmly around him. He leaned his head back to watch her and found a single tear finding its way slowly down her cheek. Reaching up he captured it with his thumb and placing it on his tongue closed his mouth and swallowed taking the essence of her down his throat. He didn't move… he didn't push… he let her take from him what she needed. All he wanted was to hold her and let her feel him love her.

She couldn't contain the shudder that passed through her body as she settled around him. Nor could she stop the tear that escaped at the feeling of total completeness she felt at having Ric filling her body as well as her soul. She couldn't move… didn't want to move. All she wanted was just to feel whole again…

Moments passed without movement, without sound. Their eyes never wavered away from each other. Eyes that mirrored fingers caressing each others soul and gently soothing all the hurts and disappointments of their pasts, fingers that touched and beckoned the soul to follow a new path.

When she could stand it no more, Alexis moved… barely and just enough to create a new wave of pleasure for them both. Her eyes left his momentarily as she caught sight of a new experience waiting for her. Placing her hands on his shoulder she gently pushed him back enough so that he had to use his hands behind him to hold himself upright… she followed him just enough to capture the pearl of sweat trickling down the center of his chest. The taste of him sent her senses into overload. The salty taste of his body's release of the heat consuming him was filled with a sweetness that she knew she would never be able to get enough of.

Looking up at her as he leaned back to allow her to receive what she sought, Ric found the sight of her irresistible and when she finally straightened he followed and gently took the center of one rose between his teeth and took pleasure from her quick intake of breath. He stayed there for a moment taking advantage of a new treasure until he felt her body tell him it was time to give her what she craved most. Lifting his head his eyes met hers once again and he knew by her quickened breath and her grip on his arms that she was almost over the edge. 

"Hold on, baby. Not yet." He whispered.

"Hurry." She panted.

"I promise it won't be long. Just hold on to me and we'll go together."

"Please. I can't…" It had been so long since she felt anything so fulfilling that the simple feel of him filling her was quickly sending her past the edge of reason.

"Yes, you can." Placing his arms around her again he barely rocked her against him and heard her guttural moan as she buried her head in his shoulder gasping for breath. Just as he was about to lift her again a deafening clap of thunder suddenly shook the windows and reverberated through the apartment. Any control they were desperately holding onto was completely ripped from them as the vibrations of the thunder filled their bodies forcing them unexpectedly over the edge of ecstasy together. It was powerful, an amazing revelation of what lay hidden deep inside each of them, it was more than anything either of them had ever experienced before. As they slowly came down from their euphoric release, Ric leaned back and settled himself against the cushion of the couch pulling Alexis with him as she released him from her enticing embrace and settled beside him draping one leg over his and settling her head on his shoulder. As their breathing returned to normal she looked up and found him smiling.

"You did have a little help, you know." She teased him.

He looked down incredulously at her with a twinkle in his eyes. "What do you mean by that?"

"Think you could come up with the same result without the thunder?" She laughed at the sheepish grin that suddenly appeared on his face as he recalled the moment the thunder struck and he exploded torrentially.

She laughed delightedly as he blushed crimson. She wrapped her arms around him as he rolled them over so that she was beneath him. "I would certainly like to try." He countered with amusement. "But, this time, I'm taking you to bed, Miss Davis like the properly trained Harvard Law graduate that I am. Your opening arguments were quite impressive, but just wait until I deliver my summation."

She laughed fully at his wicked grin and pulled his face down to capture his lips as she buried herself inside him again, forcing his grin to disappear. How can a man keep a smile on his face with a deliciously full mouth?


	20. Chapter 20

**Warning: This chapter is rated PG-13**

**Chapter 20**

It was leaning against the headboard where he always kept it. He couldn't remember the last time he heard its call, but tonight it whispered and he reached to answer. She lay beside him a possessive arm stretched across his hips. He smiled as he looked down at her. Dawn was beginning to grace the sky and Ric found he couldn't sleep… he didn't want to leave her… sleep would take his eyes and breath and selfishly return them back to him. But, they were hers… He was hers… He breathed for her… his eyes unwilling to hide behind closed lids lest he miss something new, a new treasure that could only be found in her. Cradling the wooden arm in his palm he quietly began to tickle the strings… a corny mellow love song suddenly meandered through the room wistfully. He played the strings just as he had played her earlier. Softly… lovingly… pulling a sweet song of passion from her lips as she followed him time and again to soar among the stars.

"I didn't know you played." She murmured groggily.

He looked down and watched her stretch delectably beside him the sheet falling away and enticing him with a vision that stole his breath. She turned to face him as one hand rose to rub the foggy sleep from her eyes before partially opening them and giving him another reason to fall deeper under her spell. He lay his guitar aside and slipped down beside her his fingers finding her lips and trailing down until he reached his destination. He smiled as he heard her sigh of pleasure and leaning down kissed the curve of her breast as she wrapped her arm around him holding him close to her for a moment before letting go. Lifting his head he kissed the hollow of her throat then moved to briefly kiss the tip of her nose before finally leaning back to gaze at her once more.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?"

"You missed…" She muttered huskily.

Her fingers found his lips and his heart stilled as he felt her pull him down, her touch guiding her closed eyes. Knowing what lay behind her intent, he waited. The moment her lips touched his, he was lost again. Alexis was nothing if not thorough when expressing her content when she kissed him. And this morning, Alexis was very content. She pulled him body and soul into a kiss that left him wanting to start their night of discovery all over again. He reluctantly let her pull away, but refused to allow her to leave him completely. He caught her hand just as she lay back down and kissing the back of it lay it warmly against his heart. He wondered how long it would take for her to awaken enough to completely open her beautiful eyes. He pulled her closer entwining his legs with hers as she finished her answer in a sultry voice that stole his heart all over again.

"…and you made me beautiful."

"Alexis, you were beautiful before I ever laid eyes on you." He whispered.

"You're biased and talking entirely too much."

"And what would you suggest I be doing rather than talking?" He asked seductively as his fingers traced circles upon her skin just above the hem of the sheet.

She opened one eye and glanced up at him with a small mischievous smile before turning over giving him a stunning sight of her back as the sheet slipped lower to rest across her hips. "So I guess the party's over. And here I thought Harvard men were known for their quick minds, resilience and staying power. Maybe I should look up one of my old Yale buddies and have him give you a few pointers."

She squealed as Ric pounced on top of her and rolled her back over to face him as he settled his body on top of her. She shifted just enough to settle him more comfortably between her legs and then bent her knee to allow the room she needed to feel that part of him that she loved to tease almost as much as she loved teasing his mind. She smiled at his quick intake of breath before he answered her verbal challenge.

"I didn't hear you complaining somewhere around three this morning, counselor. In fact, you were quite verbal at one point."

Alexis blushed as she recalled the moment he was referring to, but unwilling to allow him the last word she recalled a memory of her own to trade. "And if I remember correctly, at one point you were begging me to let you recover enough to catch up with my rather healthy appetite."

She didn't get the response she expected from him and her face grew serious to match his. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

He quickly placed a finger over her mouth. "Shhh… you didn't. But what you did do was amaze the hell out of me. Alexis, I've never been so completely fulfilled in my entire life. There wasn't one moment during the night where I didn't feel you reaching for me in one way or another… You didn't even have to touch me for me to feel you. You never let go of me once. Do you know what you gave me last night? Do you know that I have never been so completely whole and happy before! I cannot imagine wanting anything more in my life than just to be a man being loved by you." As he tried to explain the magnitude of how he felt in being loved by her, a tear formed in the corner of his eye. "How can a woman give so completely of herself and still be a mystery to me?"

She wiped the tear away and pulled him down to rest his head on her breast as she gently stroked her fingers through his hair. "I wasn't the only one doing the reaching last night, Ric. You did quite a bit of your own. I remember a moment when I looked up at you and all I saw was your face. I didn't see the room, or anything else in the room. All I saw was your face and I remember thinking that I never wanted to look up again and not see your face. For the first time in my life I am with a man that knows and understands me and accepts me for who I am. And to make love to him without having any questions, regrets or doubts… Ric, I still can't give you the words you need to hear, but I can tell you that I gave you my heart last night. Something happened to me that I didn't expect… would never have expected given where and what I've come from. But somehow during the past few weeks you've become a part of me… not in the manner you wanted when you came to my home and asked that I allow you the freedom to call my daughter your home. But last night, the first time we made love, I watched you, your eyes, your heart, your touch… everything… you gave without reservation… you gave me all of you and took nothing for yourself and in doing so you opened a part of my heart that has been closed since I was a child and lost my mother. I've always been afraid to give too much, to allow too much… I can do and be whatever is called of me, but there has always remained that one part of me that no one could touch. It was my safe place." She reached for his chin and lifted his head so he could see her. "Now that you've opened that door you've become my safe place and I don't ever want it closed again as long as you are a part of my life. You didn't just make love to my body last night, Ric. You made love to my heart and I want you to make love to me again… and again… and again until I'm physically unable to accept you anymore. Then I want to rest a while and start all over again. 

Whether she could say the words or not, Ric knew she loved him. No one could give so much in so many ways and not love. Rising enough to reach her, he kissed her softly and began once more to pay homage to every inch of her skin as he began another quest to give her what she wanted and needed from him. And as the sun began to rise he held her close as she let go and released herself into his care once more, proud of the man that only this woman was able to pull from the depths of his soul.

He felt the sun's warmth on his face as it danced through the leaves of the tree outside his window. He stretched his arms and legs taut to awaken them and smiled as he remembered the dreams that again filled his sleep throughout the night. Lifting his arm he crossed it over his eyes and snuggled back into the pillow under his head a soft smile flirting with the contours of his face. It was a new day and Ric did not want to pull himself from the bed where he had dreamed of her making love to him all night. He yawned and drew his other hand up from his side to find the edge of the sheet that barely covered him. He grasped it in his hand and pulled it away from him as his leg left it's warmth and slid to the floor. The cool air would slowly awaken him enough to carry him into the bath once more for the cold shower awaiting him. Remembering one of the more passionate moments of his dreams he whispered her name and reached to encircle himself.

This time it was Alexis who watched Ric sleep and she knew that he dreamed of making love to her. His reactions while sleeping left little doubt as to his mind's activity. It delighted her to know that he was just as passionate in his dreams as he had been during the night. But, she wasn't about to let his dreams take her place in reality. She reached for him and covered his hand with her own stilling his movements. The groan her touch on him elicited was almost her undoing.

"Wouldn't you rather open your eyes and see that it wasn't a dream, Ric?"

He jumped at the sound of her voice, the arm covering his eyes lifting in shock as his eyes slammed open finding Alexis resting her head in her hand beside him.

"It wasn't a dream." He whispered.

"No, it wasn't a dream."

Returning his leg from the chill of the floor to beneath the sheet, he turned toward her and pulled her close holding onto her tightly as he whispered again. "It wasn't a dream."

She couldn't help herself. She was happy and in a playful mood. Pulling back a bit from his hold she tapped lightly on his chest bringing his eyes to hers.

"Just how long have you been dreaming about me, Ric Lansing?"

He chuckled at the shining mischief in her eyes and the beautiful glow on her face. Rolling onto his side so they could lay face to face. "Quite a while, Miss Davis. But, the dreams that caused me to land in a cold shower yesterday morning… they are fairly new."

"You took a cold shower yesterday morning?" She wouldn't admit to knowing the content of his dreams for fear of embarrassing him, but there wasn't anything wrong with playing tag with the knowledge.

"Yeah." He grinned sheepishly.

Already knowing the answer from watching him sleep, she asked anyway just to hear the words. "And which did you enjoy the most?"

Laughter rose up and filled the air as he clutched her hip to keep her close. When his laughter died down he raised his hand to sweep his fingers through her hair to push it away from her face. He felt a little playful himself.

"_It_ was better."

"**_It_** was better?"

"Yeah… much better."

"Better than what?"

"My dreams."

"You dreamed about us… doing… uhm, doing this."

He chuckled at her adorable inability to say the words as her hand swept through the air over them both as well as encompassing the bed. He could say them… wanted to say them… wanted to shout them to the world. But for now he would settle for just whispering them to her.

"Yes… I've dreamed of us making love… of making love to you… over and over and over and…"

"More than once… dreamed of it… I mean?"

His smile deepened remembering the various dreams that woke him from a fitful sleep the night before. "Many times… many ways… many places."

"RIC!" She slapped him playfully with a hint of unbelief in her voice. She was getting more than she expected and she couldn't resist encouraging him to continue. Her head ducked bashfully sending her hair forward to hide her face. "…anywhere interesting?"

Her shy question sent his laughter rising up once again to fill the room until he remembered his favorite dream.

"Italy. Venice to be exact! Drifting down a small out of the way canal in a gondola. It was slow and easy… we let the motion of the gondola set the rhythm. We rocked back and forth until we couldn't hold on any more. It was amazing."

"You dream like that?" she asked incredibly.

He smiled. "You inspire me. Not just in bed… but in the courtroom… in my office… in your kitchen… a small broom closet at the police department… the judges chamber.

The more he talked the more she realized he was describing the different places he had dreamed of making love to her. "_THE JUDGES CHAMBER_?" The visual of the two of them sitting in the judge's chair or laid out across his desk sent her into gales of laughter as she left his arms to sit up and lean back against the headboard so she could breath easier around the laughter that couldn't be contained.

He scooted down a little further in the bed and propped his head up with his hand. His eyes looked up at her leaning against the headboard, holding the sheet close to hide herself from his hungry eyes. He teased her again wanting to hear more of her unrestrained laughter.

"And then there was the time we went to the movies… we sat in the balcony… you were sitting on my lap. No one could tell what we were doing… at least they couldn't until you screamed."

She couldn't hold on to the laughter that exploded from her lungs. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He enjoyed teasing her… and she enjoyed the teasing. She watched him reach for the sheet and slowly pull it out of her hand. Her laughter stilled. He pulled again and she felt it fall away, his eyes darkening at the proof of how aroused she was. She watched him slowly reach up and rub his thumb across the hardened result of his teasing words. His hand drifted lower to further tease her and was rewarded with a gasp of pleasure. "You're playing with fire, Ric?"

Taking hold of her arm he pulled her down beside him and just before his lips met hers... "Burn me, angel."


	21. Chapter 21

**Warning: This Chapter is Rated PG-13**

**Chapter 21**

She stood in the doorway watching him lather his face. He was beautiful… he was strong and loving and whether she was ready for it or not, her heart was completely lost to him. Drawing close she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his shoulder watching intently as he continued to prepare his face for shaving. After a few moments she caught his eyes in the mirror and sliding one hand up parted his robe to find his heart. She smiled at the faint flutter underneath her palm and continued to watch him as her thoughts returned to their conversation the night before. 

She tapped his chest lightly a couple of times to get his attention. "Who do you see, Ric?" she asked quietly.

His eyes questioned her and just as he began to turn his head her way she caught his chin and forced him to keep his eyes trained on his own reflection in the mirror.

"Who do you see in the mirror, Ric?"

He smiled finally understanding her question. He met his own gaze once more then slid his eyes toward her reflection standing behind him and his smile grew warmer. Slipping his hand inside his robe he clasped hers and held it gently as he responded. 

"I see a man in love with a very beautiful woman who spent a very revealing and amazingly breathtaking night with him. And I see a man who no longer questions his motives." Turning to face her he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned back resting the weight of them both against the counter. "And I see 'us'. Not Ric, not Alexis… but us… together! And I see a woman who gave me the world in the space of a few hours. And I see time… lots of time… time to love you… touch you… time for us to grow together… and time just to sit with you and watch you breathe… watch you be with me."

His words moved her and sent her back to the memory of loving him throughout the night. For every hour she spent in his arms, she wished for a hundred more. But, it was morning and regretfully there were responsibilities calling for their attention. Reaching up she let her finger slide across his lips taking a dollop of stray lather out of harm's way. Then reaching behind him she picked up the small brush and mug and adding a little water to the mug re-lathered the brush while his arms stayed wound around her. She winked at him as she began where he left off and finished lathering his face. Once done she returned the mug to the counter and leaned back to survey her work finally satisfied that his early morning beard was completely covered. Spreading her palms across his chest she pushed gently until his hold on her was released.

"Where are you going? I thought sure you would finish the job for me."

Smiling coyly she turned toward the shower. "Since you found it necessary to abandon me in the middle of a cold bed this morning while you showered alone, I think it only equitable that I leave you to finish shaving alone while I take my shower… alone." Untying her robe she let it casually drift open as she reached for the shower door. Looking back at him she found his darkened eyes following her every move. She couldn't help herself. It was fun playing with Ric. "I think I proved last night that there are certain rewards for particularly good behavior. And now I think it only fair that you realize there are also certain penalties for particularly bad behavior." Dropping her shoulders she let the robe fall silently to the floor. Just as he lunged for her she quickly slipped into the shower pulling the door closed behind her and all he was left with was her laughter and an empty robe pooled on the floor.

Returning to the sink, Ric picked up his razor and tried to concentrate on clearing the foamy whiskers from his face. The more he tried to concentrate the more his eyes kept drifting toward the shower. Watching the silhouette of her was more tantalizing than anything he'd ever seen before. Especially since he was now intimately familiar with every curve of her body. The groan of pleasure he heard as she stepped under the heat of the shower spray stole the last remaining trace of restraint left in him. Alexis wouldn't be doing anything alone that morning… not if he had any say in the matter. He slowly moved toward the shower door and dropping his own robe quietly opened it. Her back was to him, but he knew she was aware of his presence. The chill of the open door caused her to shiver, but she still didn't turn to face him. Alexis was ignoring him deliberately. Ric smiled and stepped into the shower pulling the door closed behind him. He stood close behind her without touching her. Two could play this game… so he waited patiently. Just as he was about to relent, he saw her reach behind her back to find him and grasping his hand drew it up to curve around her waist. He leaned over just enough to catch sight of her profile. He couldn't be sure because of the heat of the water, but Alexis appeared to be blushing.

"You don't play fair." He heard her mumble.

"Neither do you." He returned, her voice clearly giving away her sudden shyness. "Why, Alexis? Why shy now after the night we just shared together?"

Finally turning to face him she buried her face in the curve of his neck as her arms closed around him.

"I don't know. I guess in the light of day when everything is big and real again… I guess I'm just waiting for you to decide that we made a mistake or something. I know it doesn't make sense and I know I'm probably being neurotic… but I can't ever remember being this happy before and it scares me. I'm scared, Ric."

He chuckled ironically as he reached for the soap. "I guess I really should have pulled you into the shower with me this morning. Then we could have had the same doubts and fears at the same time." Turning her around to lean against his back, he wrapped one arm around her waist and began to slowly run the bar of soap across her skin. He felt her hand grasp his and follow his movements. She wanted his touch as much as he wanted hers. He continued to speak softly into her ear.

"I was standing here worried out of my mind that once we were dressed and facing the day you would want to leave me and somehow never get back to here… how we are right now. I wanted to run back to you… back to the way we were with each other all night. I wanted to reassure myself that it really was as good and easy as it was. But I couldn't. I couldn't move for fear that it wouldn't be the way I remembered and I couldn't face that. So I pushed my fears down as far as I could and let my natural arrogance take over again."

"So if I learn how to be arrogant, I won't have to face the doubts and fears?" She replied cynically her fear getting the best of her.

He stopped the motion of their hands and he held her closer. "As much as I would love for it to work that way, it doesn't. All the doubt and fear… it's still there, hiding behind the next round of trouble we come up against. We can't hide from it, Alexis. We're going to have to face it and deal with it or it will tear us apart. And I don't think I could survive your loss. Not now! Not after this!" His voice turned questioning. "But, don't you think that if we have the same doubts… the same fears… don't you think it will be easier for us to deal with them now… now that we know we both share them?"

She suddenly turned to face him and grasping his hands within her own looked up with tears in her eyes. He was asking her for answers and she simply didn't have them. She was just as unsure of stepping out into the world this morning as he was. She wanted their time protected just as much as he did. "I'm not ready to leave 'us' yet, Ric. I love my daughter with all my heart and I know she's probably missing me, but I need more time… here… with you. Just the two of us."

He pulled her close and felt her tremble in his arms. "Kristina is fine. I told her you would call her later. I called Viola to check on her and told her that I was going to call a cleaning crew to clean up the mess in your apartment, but I wanted her there first to pick up the files and put them in the desk before anyone saw them. She's on her way with Kristina to your apartment. Everything is taken care of and we don't have to leave here until we're both ready." He reached up and caught her face between his hands. "You know I'm not ready to leave either, Alexis. I don't want to let go of what we have here until we're both sure of where we stand and where we want to go with this. I'm not ready to share you yet. I just found out who I really am inside and I'm not ready to share that with anyone but you."

Wrapping her arms around him she hugged him close whispering in his ear. "Thank you, Ric. Thank you for taking care of us. Thank you for loving my daughter…" She swallowed hoping it would dislodge the lump in her throat that was almost preventing her from finishing her thought. "…and thank you for loving me."

"Come on." He replied huskily as he began to clear away the soap from her body. "I want to fix you some breakfast. Neither one of us ate last night and there's no telling when you last ate anything of substance. And honey, you're going to need all the strength you can muster today."

She stopped his hands and held them still by his side as she stood on tiptoe to place a small kiss on his lips. "Does this mean you have a full day of entertainment planned for us?" She teased.

He grinned delightedly. "I'm going to start from scratch and inch by inch I'm going to love you all over again. I'm going to send you to the moon and then bring you slowly back down to lay beside me until you're ready to go again. Before we walk out that door today we are both going to know exactly what we feel, where we stand and where we're going… that is if my little bed buddy has it in her to make such monumental commitment related decisions."

She slapped at him as she laughed again silently acknowledging that he understood and accepted her fear of commitment. She felt him lift her eyes to meet his again; his own eyes grew serious as he continued. "And if you are still not ready to make a decision regarding any one of those issues, you will at least know where I stand before we walk out that door sometime before night falls."

Slipping her hand into the curls on the back of his head she pulled his lips closer to her own and looking deep into his eyes took possession of his mouth, quickly slipping inside and caressing him provocatively until she felt the stirrings of his passion in the low hum of his voice and in his growing ardor. Reaching down she pulled his hips closer to hers and felt the intensity of his response in the gasp of pleasure he released into her lungs. She rocked seductively against him and then slowly completely released him stepping back to allow the hot spray of the shower to flow down his body further stimulating the already intense fire consuming him. The shudder that passed through his body and the hiss of air he sucked quickly into his lungs thrilled her as he desperately reached up to find something secure to hold on to. It kept his knees from buckling as the sensation of hot piercing drops of rain pelted the natural heat of his body and the arousal that she deliberately initiated. "Alexisss…" He groaned as he reached for her. Quickly taking his hand she pushed him backward so that he could lean against the wall of the shower as he lifted her to settle around him stopping the pleasurable assault of pulsing spray on him. "Please…" she heard him whisper as he pulled her closer. His need of her touched the deepest part of her heart and as he leaned against the wall she gave him what he needed most from her in that moment. She gave him her body and took nothing for herself.

Never taking her eyes from his face, she watched his every expression as he satisfied the need she provoked in him. His face was beautiful… soft… full of eager expectation and quiet wonder. When he was almost free of the lust that gripped him, Alexis wrapped her arms around his neck and held him as close as she could. She felt his breath quicken with every thrust as his head dropped to her shoulder. Then in the next moment he was flying and the strangled cry that burst from his lungs sent his head slamming back toward the wall. She quickly caught him before he could hurt himself. Alexis tenderly wiped the drops of water and tears from his face and then began to gently caress his shoulders, chest and arms to help him recover enough to safely step back out onto the tiled floor. Before she could finish her task, she felt him reach for her.

Lifting his hands to her face, he held her still as his eyes pierced hers, his chin trembling faintly. "Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how much I need you? It scares the hell out of me, Alexis. How will I ever survive if you leave me?"

Feeling the water begin to grow cold, Alexis reached for his hands and pulled them from her face before turning to shut off the water. Then taking hold of him she led him out of the shower and while he stood watching her intently, she pulled a towel down from the shelf and began to wipe the remaining water off his body before he became too chilled. She took care of him just as she would have if it were Kristina she was caring for. She and Ric had more in common than she ever could have imagined. And that thought alone comforted her more than anything he could have ever said to her.

Picking his robe up from the floor, she helped him into it and then tied it closed. Taking hold of his arms she finally looked up into his eyes. The love and adoration she found there stole her breath. "Finish your shave." Her voice was hoarse from the effort of holding her raw emotions safely tucked away until she was ready to voice them. "I'll call the grill and have breakfast delivered then I'll meet you back in the bedroom. We'll talk then."

Nodding his head, he agreed and just before he turned back to the basin, he reached up and ran his fingers down her cheek sending a trail of water toward her chin to fall silently to the floor. Taking the towel from her hand he pressed it to her cheeks and neck then quickly proceeded downward to dry the rest of the dampness from her body then bled as much of the dripping water from her hair as he could. When he was finished he whispered. "Dry your hair first. I don't want you getting chilled either. The hairdryer is in the drawer to the left of the sink and there is a brush beside it. I'll shave while you dry your hair. Deal?"

She smiled at the unexpected feeling of normalcy that filled her over sharing a bathroom with a man… with Ric. "Deal. Hair first, then breakfast." She replied as she reached for the hairdryer.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"Do you remember your first time?"

He was lying across the foot of the bed, his head resting in one hand while he massaged her left foot with the other. The sunlight streaming in the window highlighted her hair and cast a healthy glow upon her skin. Just lying there watching her nurse a cup of coffee, Ric couldn't remember a time in his life when he felt so content or happy. His world was balanced for the first time in his life and it was because of the woman who was absentmindedly curling her toes over his thumb.

"My first time for what?" she asked playfully with a teasing smile.

She saw the mischievous glint in his eye before raising the cup to her lips once more. The steam rising up from the dark liquid suddenly blurred her vision of his face. She gently blew it away as his hand began a slow tantalizing roam across her skin. She could get lost in his eyes easily… without trying… unexpectedly… completely. They pulled at her until she was left with nowhere else to go but deep inside the essence of him.

His voice took on a seductive sheen. "Do you remember the first time you made love?"

The hitch in her breath stilled his hand that had once again found the most sensitive part of her leg. Just behind her knee, when touched very softly, with feathered fingers… it sent her flying to another level of arousal… her reaction was quick as a shiver snaked over her body at the tantalizing exquisite feeling of being touched so intimately. He watched her eyes close against the tickle of pleasure pulsing through her and reluctantly withdrew his hand. He didn't want to arouse her. Not yet. It was time for talking and learning… and listening. At least that was what his heart and mind was telling him. His body wanted her body.

"As a matter of fact I do. That's not something a woman forgets."

Her soft voice brought him back to her. "Do all women give that much importance to their first time?"

She thought of all the women she was acquainted with and sadly shook her head. "Not all women. Some give themselves without regard to consequence or respect of self. Personally, my first time… the gentleman in question wasn't what you would call proficient in the art. But he was gentle and kind."

He leaned slightly forward pressing the flat of her foot against his chest as his interest increased dramatically. "So what made it such a big thing for you if it wasn't satisfying?"

Their voices were whisper soft as they spoke. The intimacy of the subject demanding their reverence while satisfying their curiosity about each other and what made them who they were.

"It's the first time I realized that there was more to Alexis Davis than just a girl trying to escape a rather difficult life. I'm not entirely sure what I expected, but the experience itself forced me to give more than I intended. When you're that vulnerable, that open to someone else… you have no choice but to give a piece of yourself to them. That first time… when all I really felt for him was just an eager infatuation… I gave away something that I will never be able to give or experience again. And given what we shared last night…" she ducked her head as a pink flush stole across her face.

"What?" He whispered. "What about last night?"

She shifted uncomfortably and raised the cup to her lips once more then glancing back down at him saw the curious wonder in his eyes… saw his concern and care regarding the important moments of her life. She answered as honestly as she could.

"Suddenly I miss not being able to see that look in your eyes."

"What look?" He whispered.

"The one you would have had if you had been the first."

He looked down quickly to hide the mist in his eyes and leaned down to softly kiss the ball of her foot before returning his greedy eyes back to the woman before him. Her gaze was again focused on the cup in her hand. He squeezed her foot gently to pull her eyes back to him.

"I have a secret to share with you, Alexis."

She smiled softly, expectantly and couldn't resist teasing him. "You have A secret, Ric? Isn't that a bit of an understatement?"

He chuckled softly and squeezed her foot once more before letting go and laying claim to her other foot.

"I guess we both have a lot of skeletons in the closet, don't we?" He stilled his caressing fingers and looked intently at her. "Do you think I have a chance of meeting the entire woman I know as Alexis Davis?"

"The 'entire' woman? What do you mean, Ric? I would think after last night you would have a pretty decent amount of knowledge where I'm concerned."

His face melted into one of remembrance and awe. "Last night was very enlightening in many ways. I learned the language of your body and what my loving you does to you by watching your face… looking into your eyes, watching your skin flush and your eyes widen… and the total release of yourself into my care in that final moment. But there is so much more to Alexis Davis than a woman who loves without reservation and gives of herself in the same way. And I know I may be stepping on a few lines of boundary that I'm not aware of, but I want to know everything about you, Alexis. I want to know what your favorite color is… your favorite food… what age you were when you started looking at men rather than boys… I want to know what excites you… what makes you sad… or happy… or content. I want to know what scares you or delights you. And I want a glimpse into the life of the child you once were. I want to know your most intimate thoughts… at least those you are comfortable sharing with me."

Her gaze once again fell to the steaming amber liquid within the cup she held between her palms. She felt him move and looked up to see him crawling closer to her. When he finally settled back down, his head was in her lap and she reached for him letting her fingers slide softly through his hair and then trail down his cheek. Just as she started to return her hand to the cup she still held, he caught her fingers and wrapping them snuggly within his rested them above his heart. She felt the steady beat of life and unconsciously smiled as her own heart warmed within her chest. Her eyes found his once more and saw him waiting… patiently. The smile disappeared to be replaced with the face she showed the world… one of stoic resolve. What could she tell him that wouldn't send him running from her? Her past was gothic… tragic… and so full of loss and heartache that she just found it easier to bury all the emotion surrounding her past. She could survive it and even lead a productive existence as long as it remained buried. He called softly.

"It's okay, Alexis. Your face tells me you're not ready to share that part of your life with me. And that's okay with me. Maybe someday you will be able to trust me enough to talk about it."

Her eyes quickly found his again and her fingers clasped his tighter. Leaning toward the nightstand, she set her cup of coffee down and then turned back to him reaching to run her fingers through his hair once more hoping to sooth his hurt while giving herself time to formulate as truthful an answer as she could.

"Ric, it doesn't have anything to do with trust. My inability to discuss certain things in my life is not based on what I do or do not feel in regards to you. It's just…" her words faltered and she took a deep breath before trying to finish her explanation. "My life is filled with things that have the ability to incapacitate me if I allow them to rise to the surface. I don't think about my past any more than I absolutely have to… it just hurts too much and I'm afraid if I were to give you any real insight into my Cassadine heritage… I'm afraid I would lose you before I had a chance to really know you and spend time with you."

Ric calmly sat up and moved to sit beside her. Putting his arm around her he pulled her to him while and reaching for her hand. He began to play with her fingers as he felt her tense underneath his arm and knew she was afraid of the path their conversation had led them down. He wanted desperately to comfort her and let her know it didn't matter to him where she came from. He wanted her to know that what mattered most was that she was with him now and he wanted her to stay with him. Watching their fingers slowly dance in and around each other he quieted his voice and tried to explain the place she now held in his heart.

"I told you a few minutes ago that there was a secret I wanted to share with you. Well… here it is. Last night felt like the first time for me. It was so much more than I ever expected to feel or experience. We shared something last night that I've never experienced with anyone else before and suddenly everything is brand new for me again. Something happened between us that was more than just a heart to heart connection… it was more than just a mutually remarkable experience. We stepped into each other's heart and soul and made a place for ourselves that no one will ever be able to reach. No one will be able to tamper with or destroy what we found with each other last night. I know you don't talk a lot about your past and believe me, I can understand that. From what little I have heard, it sounds rather shocking."

He turned his head to look at her when he heard her chuckle derisively.

"Shocking?" There were so many painful memories bouncing off the walls of her mind now that the full scope of his words was sadly lost. She instead caught and focused on the last sentence she heard and as sadness crept in to steal her heart she couldn't stop the words that poured forth. "No, shocking isn't the right word… When I look back and remember the little girl who grew up on an isolated Greek island… my heart weeps for her. She was just a little girl who got caught in the middle of a world of jealousy and hate. Sometimes…" Her voice cracked as a chill settled over her heart. She looked up from beneath her eyelashes and found him. The staccato beat of her heart eased as he pulled her closer. His face was full of love and sympathy rather than the pity she had grown to despise in the eyes of those who knew her past. He settled deeper into her heart and it gave her permission to talk freely with him. "Sometimes I have to remind myself that the little girl I see when I look back… that little girl is me. There are moments when I can separate myself from it all and view the whole mess as an outsider… and it breaks my heart. The children… all of them suffered unspeakably at the hands of adults who put their own selfish interests first."

His voice was soft and warm… it touched her soul and she breathed easier.

"That's why you are the way you are with Kristina."

"Yes. Having a child was the last thing I would have ever expected to happen to me. But every since the moment I found out I was pregnant… she has been the only thing that has mattered. And I made a promise to myself and to her that she would never have to suffer the indignities associated with being born a bastard. My child will never have to look far to find love or acceptance. Every day that she walks on this earth, she will know that she is loved and wanted."

Ric's eyes closed as his head tilted down slightly and found a resting place against hers; the familiarity of her words taking hold of his own insecurities and fears. Taking a deep breath he looked back up to find her. His mind lost in the past.

"Day after day, it keeps happening no matter what we do. We do the very best we can and still it's not enough. You give what you can to them regardless of how they treated you because in spite of it all there is still this little bit of hope that keeps you alive… you bury it deep inside away from them… away from their ability to steal it from you. It's what keeps us going."

She knew where his mind had taken him and together they rested in the amazement of finally being able to share their burden with someone. 'He understands me.' She thought to herself. 'No one has ever understood me the way Ric does.' Moving around to face him she sat cross-legged and smiled as he mirrored her position. Their knees touching, she reached to capture his hands.

"I'll make a deal with you."

He smiled and clutched her hands tighter. "Okay, what's the deal?"

"I'll tell you my secrets if you will tell me yours."

His face grew concerned. "Wait a minute, Alexis. You don't have to do that. I'm fine with starting our own history book with the day we met. I don't want you to hurt anymore because of your past."

"You can't stop my past from hurting me, Ric. What I lived through is fact… it's there whether I want it to be or not. Nothing is going to change that. But, the weight of it can be made easier to bear."

"How, Alexis? How do we make it easier for you?"

"By sharing. By you sharing your life with me and me sharing my life with you. We both need someone we can talk to without fear of abandonment."

"We were both abandoned in a way, weren't we?"

"Yes, Ric, we were. More than once! It's one of those similarities that I wish we didn't share. Being abandoned is more painful I think than physically losing someone you've loved through death."

"You just lost me! Can you explain what you mean by that?"

She frowned in concentration as her eyes dropped to stare intently at the cleft in his chin. When her thoughts were in place and correctly formulated she explained.

"When someone you've loved dies… their love doesn't leave us, it stays with us and comforts us when we need it… we can remember the good about them… and celebrate how their life interacted with ours… we can continue to love them and rest in the fact that that love can never be tainted. When we are abandoned by someone we have loved or trusted… the knowledge that they are still out there somewhere keeps us bound to them in fear, in hope, in need. We are haunted by the fact that they could always be just around the corner ready to hurt us again."

"How do I resolve that with the question of whether my mother actually loved me or not? I was told she loved me, but I never experienced her love. There was never a connection between us. She abandoned me without leaving a piece of herself for me to hold on to. How do I live with that?"

"The same way I live with the fact that my father ultimately abandoned me to make my way the best way I knew how. I think the one blessing I received was someone who cared enough to look out for me. Stephan took care of me the best he could and I'm prone to believe that he is the reason I'm still alive. But, that still doesn't change the fact of my father's action against me."

She watched his head drop, his chin finding a resting-place on his chest and her heart bled for him. Unfolding her legs she crawled behind him and placed her legs around him from behind and pulled him back to rest against her as she wrapped her arms around him. His head released backward to lay upon her shoulder and her lips found his cheek for a moment.

"Wasn't there anyone you could talk to, Ric? Anyone who stood up for you, cared for you, fought for you?"

She felt the shudder of his body against the intensity of his memories. His words broke her heart.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Alexis."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 

"Yes, Ric. It does matter. It matters to you and it matters to me."

Releasing him from her arms she moved out from behind him and stretched her torso across his abdomen resting her head in her hand and focused on him intently. His eyes were darkened with pain, his face pale with the effort to withhold his deepest secrets… hide his deepest grief. She lifted her hand and spreading her fingers reached toward him offering to shoulder the load with him. Several slow agonizing heartbeats passed before Ric finally relented and accepted what she was so willing to give. She watched his hand slowly rise and smiled her encouragement as his fingers settled between hers, their palms meeting in mutual need.

"I know you're hurting, Ric. I've known it for a long time." as he started to interrupt, she squeezed his fingers slightly. "Wait, let me finish. It's not because of what you've said or done, it's the tone of your voice when you speak of your family, or your brother. I recognize it because I hear the same tone in my voice when I'm called upon to discuss my family or lack there of. As hard as we try to hide that part of us that is raw and vulnerable, those who have been where we've been, felt what we've felt... it's easier to see through our walls of defense and in some cases our protective arrogance."

Ric smiled weakly at her compassionate attempt to tease his troubled heart. His eyes fell to their hands as she turned them slightly; just enough to allow her thumb to softly caress his palm.

"I guess there's not much I can hide from you considering we both have issues with the parental figures in our life. I lost my mother, you lost your father..." the silence in the air around them caught her whisper and carried it to his ears where it released the ever present agony of her heart.

"... and my mother."

Cringing inside at his unforgivable mistake, Ric leaned forward and brought their clasped hands to his lips and softly kissed the delicate skin of her wrist in an attempt to apologize for not speaking of her mother. Why did he even mention her father… it didn't even make sense. "And your mother." He finally whispered in agreement. Taking a firmer hold on her hand he reached for her with his other arm and pulled her closer to allow her head to lie just above his heart. Her arm that previously supported her head found a home along side his body and their entwined hands snuggled beneath her chin. He pushed the soft wayward tendrils of hair away from her eyes and buried his fingers in the mass of untended curls that were now spread across his stomach.

"Do you remember her?" He asked softly feeling the palm of her hand steal between his shoulder and the bed to lay quiet against his skin. He wasn't sure if she was trying to comfort him because of his insensitivity or simply trying to comfort her own heart. Feeling a tiny drop of wetness begin to trickle down the plane of his chest, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer guiding her head to rest on his shoulder covering his upper body with hers. His arms tightened around her as she curled her own arms around him. He felt her shiver slightly and reached for the comforter that was slowly finding its way to the floor. He covered them both and waited. Minutes passed. He knew she was struggling to regain control her emotions and he gave her the time she needed. A whisper found his ears.

"I have some memories. But what part of her I have now is so much more real and special than the memories."

"Why?"

"It's because of Kristina."

"Kristina? I don't understand."

Alexis smiled as she recalled those moments she felt remarkably gifted with when alone with her daughter.

"There are times when Kristina and I are at home and I'm watching her nap or we're just sitting in the floor playing quietly… at times reading a book, or eating dinner… but most especially when I sit and rock with her late at night… There is a feeling that overcomes me and it's like my mother is once again with me, watching over me… over us, sharing my daughter with me. I feel her love more during those times than I've ever felt it before." Alexis' voice suddenly filled with amazement and Ric felt a tremble pass through her body as she continued, her voice becoming quieter as though in reverence.

"I feel her, Ric. It's like she's holding me in her arms. There's no pain… no heartache… No Mikkos, no Helena… nothing that could mar the perfection of the moment. It is such a rare gift, the purest of moments. And it's almost as if I have my mother back with me if only for a short while." To Ric, her voice seemed to float on air as he listened to her heart fill with more love and joy than he could ever remember hearing from her before. He leaned closer as he continued to listen to her. "Sometimes I talk to her as though she were in the room with me. I can almost hear her laughter, Ric. And before I know what's happening I'm laughing with her and then Kristina laughs. Those are the most beautiful moments of my life… worth everything I've been through ten times over."

The pain of loss in own his chest tightened as he pulled Alexis closer against him, molding every curve of her body to his to comfort the ache that never left him. The quiver in his voice was prominent as he responded.

"I watch you with her… you are so good with Kristina. She never has to look for you or wonder if you're coming home. She knows without question that she is loved and will always be loved. She has no fear… no sadness… no need to question the circumstances of her life. She feels safe and warm, and having a home to go to day after day is as normal to her as breathing. I can't help but question if my mother would have loved me as much as you love her… would have cared for and nourished me as you do Kristina. It's probably a question I will live with for the rest of my life."

Her body, resting atop his, rose slowly as he drew a deep breath. She felt the struggle within him as the muscles in his arms reflexively tightened, but she remained silent. He was searching for a way to let go and move on. She gripped him tighter with the arm that was wrapped around him curling her fingers over his shoulder comforting him as best she could. The palm of her hand found his face, her thumb caressed his cheek as her fingers slipped through the unruly curls at the nape of his neck, and she waited patiently for him to settle the chaos of his heart and mind; to hopefully find the answers that would finally allow him to find peace regarding the choices his mother had made so long ago.

As he lay there with her heart resting against his, Ric turned his head slightly and kissed her forehead. He let his mind drift back over the years. From as far back as he could remember there always seemed to be a dark cloud hanging over his head no matter which year he recalled. From day to day, year-to-year, he scuttled through life trying to find a way to acquire what he felt was owed to him… to grab hold of anything that he could call his own that would take the place of what he lost. But nothing he did could provide enough of a substitute to allow him to move past the demons that haunted him. He always knew he would not be able to find rest until he found a way to bring down the man who stole his place in life. Ric's eyes drifted toward the woman who now held him within the circle of her arms; she was his safe-place… his haven of rest. How much she had lost and suffered through in her life. And yet, she still loved… she still cared for people who thoughtlessly and cruelly turned their back on her… people who took her heart and trampled it beneath their feet before throwing it back at her. She still looked for the best in people… expected to find good in them no matter what their past or their transgression. And if the truth be known… she still held deep within her heart hope for his brother whether she chose to admit it or not. In the short time they were together, somehow Alexis had become his standard, his lighthouse when the inevitable storms of his memory threatened to drown him. To Ric, she represented his candle in the window welcoming him safely home.

Leaning his head back for a moment he rested it against the headboard. Drawing another deep breath he felt the weight of her body shift slightly against him and his breath left him in a rush as the magnitude of what he was experiencing with this wonderful beautiful woman suddenly hit him full force. With an unhindered unrestricted smile lighting his face, Ric marveled at the turn his life had taken. As his heart reached out to claim the miracle of this new life, all of a sudden… without warning it was upon him and his eyes widened with surprise. Hiding far back in the deepest darkest corner of his mind, one small souvenir from his childhood, at last finding its freedom and Ric felt his heart jubilantly cry out to embrace the gift of finally having something beautiful to remember from his past. A memory long forgotten, but the reality of it more real to him now than when he first experienced that one life-altering moment. The tears were upon him before he was aware of it. Several moments passed before he regained control of his emotions and when he was ready he glanced down to find her eyes upon him. Her smile, her eyes, her touch ... her body telling him that the truth of this one memory was his and his alone and now so many years later he could finally claim its promise.

His words were choked, heavy with every emotion filling his heart. "I never thought I could love someone this much. I didn't know it was possible for someone to become so much a part of me that I can't tell where I stop and you start."

Suddenly he wanted her to know everything, he wanted her to know how much more he was now because of her. He carefully moved her off his chest and then settled down beside her so that they lay on their side face-to-face, as close as they could get and still be able to talk comfortably. He also wanted to be able to see every expression of her face. The first being a soft expectant smile touching her lips and he reached to wrap a soft curl around his finger then let it go to bounce back into place as he caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger. Leaning closer he kissed her softly…. Once… twice… and then again before settling back down to share his most treasured secret with her.

"Can I tell you something surprising, Alexis? Well, it might not be surprising to you, but it's very surprising to me. I was laying here thinking about my past and it just hit me… I remembered something from when I was a kid that was very special to me and… and…"

"Ric?" He was talking so fast she found it hard to follow him.

"It was there all along… just waiting… and now you're here… with me… and we've been here together… really together… and not just physically. But more than that… And just now… It's so amazing that I finally remembered it…" His voice was filled of amazement and childlike wonder.

"Ric."

"And then when I looked at you… I should have realized it before now… should have remembered it… this is the most profound revelation of my life. I don't know how I could have missed or forgotten it…."

Her laughter stilled his eager rambling. "What may I ask are you laughing at?"

"You." She laughed again.

"And why are you laughing at me?" He couldn't be angry with her. Her laughter was infectious. Her eyes were lit from the inside and the flush on her face tempted his thoughts and stirred his body.

"Why is it that all of a sudden I rather like the sound of rambling run amuck?" she teased him.

Rolling his eyes dramatically, he fell backward throwing his arm up and let it drop dramatically to hang off the side of the bed as he released a loud groan. Looking up toward the ceiling he lifted his hand again this time imploringly toward heaven. "Please tell me I didn't pick up that particularly exhausting trait from her?"

She slapped at his arm and then caught it pulled it down sliding her fingers up his forearm toward his hand catching his fingers between her own guiding them back down to lie between them.

"So tell me about this profound revelation that has you so excited, Mr. Lansing." She whispered conspiratorially. His sudden grin sent a warm flush throughout her body and she marveled at how adorably handsome he was when he allowed himself to lay down the weight of his past for a while. Raising his hand slightly she kissed the soft skin between his thumb and forefinger and urged him to continue as he mirrored her kiss and again rested their clasped hands on the cool sheet between their bodies.

"When I was a boy… I think 11, no I was 12; there was a group of us kids who hung out together after school. We were rather rough around the edges and constantly getting into some kind of trouble. There was this kid who wasn't really a part of the gang, but he liked to follow me around. His name was Johnny. He was smaller than the rest of us, but he was smart and seemed like an okay kid so I let him tag along, but I made it look like I thought he was a pain in the ass. The gang didn't really want him around, but they put up with him because I did. Truth was I let him hang with me not because he seemed to need anything from me, but because I needed him."

"You needed him, Ric? Why? Sounds like you had quite a following already."

"I actually did that summer. But, it never lasted long. You see there was always something missing inside me that prevented me from letting anyone get too close. So things like trust and loyalty never really meant a great deal to me. I could hang out with the guys, but as far as becoming real buddies with them, it just didn't happen and eventually they all moved on and found other guys to hang with. But there was something about this kid. You could tell by looking at him that he wasn't like the rest of us. He was one of those kids that you knew came from a good home and he was always sharing stuff with us. If one of the guys showed up without his lunch Johnny would all of a sudden come up with something extra out of his own box. Sometimes he would even take the rap for me when I got into trouble. And every once in a while he would show up with a new baseball or football to replace the beat up ones that were either lost or confiscated by an angry adult who suddenly found themselves facing the expense of having to replace a window. He was such a different kid from the normal bums we hung out with. Sometimes this kid even talked about his mother like she was the most important person in the whole world or something. I envied him so much for having a mother he liked to talk about."

Listening to Ric's soft voice fill the room with memories, Alexis reached up and moved her fingers through his hair and then let them drift down his cheek to settle warmly in the curve of his neck, her thumb grazing softly against the curve of his jaw. His eyes held a far away look and as she continued to watch him his eyes softened and a small smile touched his lips. His voice took on a softer tone.

"One day we were walking home from the sandlot where we played 'stickball…"

Alexis quietly interrupted with curiosity. "Stickball?"

"Yeah, all we had was a stick and the cork out of a wine bottle. Some would call it poor-man's baseball."

"Oh." Her heart broke for the life of disfavor he was describing.

Hearing the compassionate remorse in her voice he quickly reassured her as best he could. "It was a great game, Alexis. We got a kick out of playing stickball. To us, it was so much more fun and challenging that just plain old baseball. Anyway, let me get on with it. One afternoon Johnny invited me home with him for supper. It was the answer to one of those secret wishes that kids make late at night when they're in bed and no one can see how much they really want something. Going home with Johnny was my chance to just be a regular kid for a while and I wanted so much to meet his mother and find out what it was that made Johnny talk about her as much as he did. But, it was Friday and Fridays were always for my father. It was my job to clean up after him and make sure he made it to bed when he finally passed out after drinking himself into a stupor. My stepmother usually ignored him, acting as though everything was as it should be. She usually turned in early to keep from having to deal with or witness the broken-hearted ramblings of a man who lost the one real love of his life to someone else who didn't give a damn about her."

Ric felt her turn her palm and clasp his hand between both of hers to pull him it to her breast holding him close to offer what comfort she could as he told the story. He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose to let her know he was okay and then continued.

"I can't tell you how bad I wanted to go with Johnny. So I asked dad if I could go and just as I knew he would, he said no. I remember standing there and hating him for not being the man I needed him to be. I stood there defiant and angry and when he reached for that damn bottle again… well I made a decision that not only further alienated him but it also changed the course of my life… I decided I was going to Johnny's no matter what he said and I wasn't going to let anyone stop me. From that moment on, I never again let him see how much I was hurt by his lack of interest in me or anything I was able to accomplish in my life. I turned and walked out the door with him screaming at the top of his lungs that he'd beat the hell out of me if I didn't come back. I opened the front door and ran as fast as I could to Johnny's house. I remember standing at the door licking my hands so I could slick my hair down to keep it from flying all over the place and I took the bottom of my shirt and wiped the playground dirt off my face then stuffed back into my jeans. I scrubbed so hard I thought I was going to start bleeding. When I was through doing the best I could to look presentable I knocked on the door. My heart was beating a mile a minute; scared I wouldn't measure up. Scared I wouldn't be invited in because I was just another dirty kid from the wrong side of town. But, just about the time I started to turn and leave, the door opened and I think that was the first time I ever lost my heart to a woman."

"Was she beautiful?" Alexis inquired with the tiniest spark of green curiosity.

"Not in the way that you might think. She was a lot older than I expected Johnny's mom to be, but she really looked okay. She wasn't anything real special, just had that nice down home motherly charm about her. It was her eyes and the smile on her face that got to me the most. I looked up and I saw her smile and it was like I was suddenly the first-born son of royalty. She reached down and took hold of my dirty hand and pulled me inside her home as if I belonged there and it was her job to see that I was cared for as one of her own. I had a hard time trying to hide the fact that I was on the verge of crying like a little girl. What an embarrassment that would have been!"

His eyes filled as the memory washed over him and Alexis let go of Ric's hand and reached to pull him closer. She leaned back and gently guided his head to her shoulder softly stroking his wayward curls as his arm found its way across her stomach and his left leg moved across to lie between hers and Alexis shifted slightly to her side and moved her right leg over his to bring as much of his body in contact with her as she could. "Go on, Ric. Finish the story for me."

"Johnny and I played in the backyard for a while before she called us in for supper. It was the biggest feast of hamburgers and fries with chocolate covered ice cream that I had ever seen." Remembering the moment fondly, Ric chuckled. "When we finished, Johnny and I were so full we fell out on the lawn chairs like a couple of beached whales praying for any kind of relief to sooth our gluttonous appetites. After she finished cleaning up the kitchen his mom joined us and we all sat there for the longest time just talking. It was unreal. She sat there and talked to us like we were grownups and she was sharing the secrets of the world. Johnny flaked out after a while and when I noticed it I tapped his mom on the arm and pointed at him; told her I figured it was probably time for me to go…"

Ric's voice caught in his throat as he remembered what happened next. Wrapping his arm closer around Alexis and with a voice filled with emotion he did his best to finish.

"She leaned over and put her hand on my arm and said, 'Not yet Richard…"

"She called you Richard?"

"Yeah. It made me feel like I was real important… like a real man. I wanted so much to reach over and just hold her hand for a while, but I couldn't. I probably would have found a way to avoid it even if she had offered. She was getting too close to that part of me that always hurt. I could feel my chest beginning to burn."

Alexis turned her head slightly so her tears could find a different path to travel so they would not betray the ache of her own heart by finding any part of him. When the tears were free and could no longer disturb him she turned back and laid a soft kiss on his temple and continued to listen to his forgotten memory.

"She said 'I want to talk to you for a minute without Johnny listening. He already knows what I think and expect of him. But, I wonder who will care enough to tell you the secrets little boys need to know to help them grow into men they can be proud of.' She was whispering like I was the only one in the world important enough to hear what she was saying and I couldn't have left that chair if all the demons of hell were on my heels. Here was this woman who knew very little about me and the past I came from, at least that's what I thought, and she was giving me something that my own mother should have loved me enough to give. And I wanted it so much. I wanted to hear everything she wanted to say to me. Pulling her chair closer to mine she leaned over and put her arm around me and began to talk real quiet in my ear. She said, 'Richard, you were born into a hard life. But you're a good boy. You have a good heart. Don't let anyone take that from you. Some men are forced to work harder than others just to achieve a very small place in this world, but you have enough strength and determination in you to excel beyond just settling for average as most men do. You're smart and you care about people. Hold onto that part of your heart, Richard."

"She stopped and looked up at the sky then told me to look up too. Her voice was like a ghost in the night air when she started talking again. She said, 'Look up, Richard and pick a star. Pick the biggest and brightest you can find.' I did and when I found one I pointed it out to her."

"She said, 'Make sure you never lose that star, because from now on that star is yours. It is going to follow and watch over you until you are old enough and wise enough that you do not need it any longer. It will be there until you become the man that I know is waiting deep inside you'."

"It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard, but it also put a great deal of fear in me as well. I was so scared of the answer, but I knew I had to ask… I had to know. So I asked her, 'How will I know when I'm wise enough… when will my star leave me'?"

He paused a moment and being impatient for the answer Alexis urged him to continue.

Chuckling at her impatience, Ric continued. "She said I will know when it's time, because I will be strong enough inside to let go of the past and carry on with my life with the woman I have grown to love by my side. But, she also told me that with the life that was chosen for me, I mighty not remember that night. But not to worry because one day I would remember and face the memory with a heart that is ready to accept all the love and laughter that was always meant to be mine."

Pulling away from her hold on his arm, Ric caught her hand and brought it to his lips briefly before setting their hands down upon her heart, his thumb finding the curve of her breast and caressing it slowly. Hearing her breathing change, he chuckled and refocused on the memory that was slowly setting him free. Grinning wildly at the sigh of frustration he coaxed from the woman laying partially beneath him.

"Sorry, kind of lost my focus there for a minute."

"Sure you did. You just remember what I said this morning, Ric Lansing. Bad behavior is always dealt with in kind."

"Promises, Promises." He chided her.

They both laughed, creating an unintentional fire as their bodies moved teasingly against each other. Needing to finish the telling Alexis the rest of what happened that night, Ric became serious once more.

"You know, somehow I knew she was right. I knew that everything she told me that night would some day come true and I was so scared of forgetting what it felt like to sit there and listen to her talk about the kind of man I would grow up to be. And just like she said, I did forget. And I know why I forgot about her and that whole experience. I forgot it because I just couldn't reconcile what I knew of my own mother with that beautiful lady who took me in one night and fed me with more than just food. But I know… I know that there is not one kid that was ever born in this world who could have walked away from that night without trying to find something to hang on to… And for me, all I wanted was to know that if I did happen to forget when would I remember. If I knew when I would remember then I could wait for it. I was just a kid and I didn't understand that it was impossible to wait for something to happen that you couldn't remember. So I asked her. I asked her when I would remember."

With a quiet expectant voice full of love Alexis asked, "And what did she say?"

"She never laughed at my ignorance, never smiled. She just put her hand on my cheek and whispered the answer so no one could hear but me. She said, 'You will remember when you can look inside yourself and find no room to harbor bitterness or hate. And you will also remember because of the woman who will be standing beside you. She will be there because she is the reason there is no room for hate any longer. She will see the best in you, yet know your weaknesses as well and accept you anyway… just as you are. She will inspire you to be a better man just as you will inspire her to be a better woman. When that time comes, Richard I want you to promise me you will turn to her and thank her for teaching you how to love and let go. Because you will have found your home in her and she in you."

Lifting his head from Alexis' shoulder, he gazed down into her eyes and found them just as full as his own were.

"She was right, Alexis." Ric whispered with a voice laced with amazing wonder. "She was right about everything."

Sitting up, Ric pulled Alexis up with him and taking her hands within his own he stared down at them for a moment and when he finally looked up a single tear found its way down his cheek. His voice was broken when he finally looked deep inside himself and accepted the man he had become while standing beside Alexis. He fulfilled the promise he made that night so long ago sitting beside a woman who cared enough to share her heart and wisdom with him.

"Thank you, Alexis. Thank you for teaching me how to love. Thank you for giving me a home and thank you for helping me let go of the past so I could embrace the future. Thank you for helping me find the man that Mrs. O'Brien knew was hidden somewhere deep inside me all along."

A sob tore from her throat as her arms quickly found their way around him. She pulled him as close as she could, holding him as tight as her strength would allow. The ringing of the phone suddenly trilled loudly disturbing the quiet peace filling the room. Neither of them moved not willing to let anything steal any part of their time together until they were ready. But, as the phone rang the eighth time, Alexis whispered into Ric's ear.

"Whoever it is doesn't seem too willing to give up. Besides it could be Viola. You better answer it."

Ric let out an exasperated sigh as he turned and reached for the phone.

"Yes?" He answered thinly.

As the caller spoke, Alexis watched Ric's face grow deathly pale and reached for him.

"Is it Kristina?" She whispered with cold fear. His eyes found hers and she gasped at the pain she saw. His fingertips brushed down her cheek as he pushed the receiver into her hand. She watched helplessly as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. Without looking back he slowly walked out of the room. Looking at the receiver in her hand, she brought it heavily to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Alexis? It's Dara."

"Dara? What's wrong? What did you tell Ric?"

"I'm so sorry, Alexis."

Her fear escalated.

"Dara, what is going on? Has something happened to Kristina?"

"No, Alexis. It's not Kristina."

"Damn it, Dara. Tell me what is going on."

"It's Sonny, Alexis. He tried to run. He didn't make it. I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but he was shot while trying to escape this morning. He died just a few minutes ago."

"Sonny? He's… he… he's gone?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?" Alexis reached for any spark of hope she could find to hold on to. It could be a mistake. He could have faked it… He was good at faking his death. "No Dara, it can't be. He… he faked it… somehow. He's done it before… more than once. Find Jason. Make him talk to you. Jason will know where he is. Jason always knows." She gripped the phone with both hands; her eyes traveling around the empty room and then toward the door where his younger brother had just walked out to escape her. Her blood ran cold… her heart screamed for Richard.

"Dara, please… don't do this." She begged for his life. She begged on behalf of the man who just walked away from her. Without thought for herself or what it would mean to her personally, Alexis begged for the life of Ric's brother. Switching the phone to her other ear so she could keep her eyes on the empty doorway, she waited for Dara to tell her it was all just a cruel mistake. That's all it was. Just a cruel mistake and then she could go to Ric and give him back the life of his brother… and maybe he would love her again. Maybe she could love him enough to turn back time and undo all the damage. Maybe if she loved him with every bit of her heart, it would bring him back to her. Hope died when she heard Dara's voice again.

"I'm at General Hospital now, Alexis." Dara paused. She knew it was up to her to tell Alexis everything. And she knew it would be hard for the woman who only yesterday gave her back one of her own brothers. And because of their brief time together the morning before, Dara knew that Alexis would now carry a burden of guilt for the rest of her life. But, it was best for Alexis to hear the details from her, someone who cared about her, rather than hear it from anyone else.

"Alexis, the picture of Kristina you gave him was in his hand. He was gripping it so tightly when he died that we couldn't pry it from his hand. Before he… before he died Sonny asked me to call Jason for him… I did. He talked for a few minutes then handed me the phone and asked me to listen to Jason. Alexis, Sonny asked Jason to deliver an envelope to you so you could pass it on to Ric. It will be there within the hour. There's something else, Alexis. Before he died, Sonny made me promise to tell Ric that it was his responsibility to take care of Kristina now. I'm quoting him directly. He said, 'Tell Ric, that I'm asking him to let go of everything and just take care of my daughter. Make sure she never wants for anything.' Alexis, I promised Sonny that I would tell him, but Ric didn't give me the chance. Maybe it should come from you though. Will you get the message to him?"

"Yes, I'll tell him." Her eyes closed tight, her breathing stilled… she asked for the answer to her only remaining question. "Is that all, Dara? Did he…?" The words died before she could release them.

"I'm sorry, Alexis, but no he didn't ask for or mention you."

Her heart felt like it was being torn from her chest. The man who once meant so much to her, who gave her the most precious gift of her life, would go to his grave hating her. His face appeared before her as she closed her eyes. The face she had once loved, full of life, lit with mischief… a beautiful smile that now graced her daughters face...

"Thanks, Dara."

Dropping the phone into her lap she bowed her head slightly as memory after memory washed over her. She remembered it all. From the moment he arrogantly intruded on her at the Port Charles Grille, to the moment she kissed him good-bye less than 24 hours ago. One tear fell and was quickly followed by another and another until a steady river marked her both sides of her face. He was a man who loved hard, lived hard and in the end died hard… without the friend who promised to stay with him forever. She slowly turned and lay the phone down then reached out letting her fingers find the indention of the pillow where Ric's head had lain. It was chilled now, bereft of the warmth that constantly stayed with them throughout the night and into the light of day. Adding to her despair, as if to cruelly mock her, the warmth of the sun found a lonely cloud to hide behind sending cold shadows into the room. She shivered against the chill that was slowly seeping into every pore of her body and slowly stood reaching for her clothes. Ric wouldn't want her here now. He wouldn't want to be around the woman who destroyed his brother. Alexis silently dressed and walked toward the door looking back once at the bed where they had shared so much throughout the night and into the morning. She would never have the chance to tell him now that her heart had found its home just as his had. The words he once wanted so much to hear from her would now stay forever silent in her heart. Just once, for herself, in the room where they had loved each other, she voiced them for the first and the last time. "I love you, Ric."

Quietly entering the living room she found him sitting in front of the fireplace staring blindly at a mountain of cold ashes. And the tears rained.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

There was a chill in the apartment, but it went unnoticed as Ric sat on the floor in front of a cold fireplace staring into its gray ashes as he thought of his brother. He wondered who would make the funeral arrangements. Who would take care of all the details that would allow his brother to be finally laid to rest? Without question, Ric knew it would be Jason. Who else would Sonny want to take care of him after he was gone? No one would consider asking his only brother to take care of him. Ric closed his eyes against the pain in his heart. His brother! His only real and last connection to the woman who gave birth to him!

The only remaining soul one who held all the stories and memories that Ric hungered for during the wee hours of the morning when the only thing left to comfort him was a mass of unrelenting questions and a chasm in his heart that only she could have filled. And now it was all gone. Gone with the one who held those answers; who would in silence take them to lie useless six feet under the feet of a man who would forever be left searching. His mother and his brother… lost to him. His chance to forgive and ask for forgiveness now only a regret that he would live with the rest of his life. His head fell to rest on arms that were folded and resting on his bent knees. His brother was gone… dead. He felt another piece of his heart tear away.

She watched him from across the room as tears continued to trickle down her face. His suffering was visible in the language of his body and when his head fell to his knees, her heart cried out for him, her feet mindlessly taking her closer until she heard his labored breathing. She looked toward the door and then returned her gaze to Ric. The war between her head and her heart was as familiar to her as the ache that she lived with daily from all the losses of family and friends that highlighted her own past. Should she go without disturbing him or should she let him know she was going in case he worried. No he wouldn't worry… not about her. Not after what she did to his brother.

Walking quietly to the door she reached for the knob. Just as she began to open it, she turned back for one last look. He was wearing jeans, but his shoulders were bare and she saw him shiver against the cold. She couldn't leave him like that; couldn't just walk out without making him as comfortable as possible. Walking quickly back into the bedroom she pulled the comforter from the bed, returned to the living room and quietly moved behind him. Her heart felt the anvil of silence between them as she leaned over to drape the comforter across his shoulders. She felt him shift slightly and realized her hands had lingered a moment too long in their quest to shield him from the cold and she quickly stepped away. Without looking back at him she turned and retraced her steps to the front door.

"Do you know what it feels like to just want to be seen… to be acknowledged for your place in life… for who you are?

His words were quiet… filled with loneliness and loss. They reached her just as her heart was once again taking on the task of building the impenetrable walls that would protect her in the coming days when she found the loss of him unbearable. She stopped, turning her head slightly, unable to look at him again… unwilling to torture her heart by allowing even the smallest hope to grow. But she loved him too much to leave him to shoulder his grief alone.

"Yes. I do know what it feels like. How could I not know? Sometimes it's like getting lost in the darkness and all you want is the ability to find a door… any door that could possibly provide an escape from the anonymity that has you buried under a mountain of invisibility."

She watched him pull the comforter closer around his shoulders, but his eyes never left the cold hearth. She knew the chill he felt. She knew that it was more than just the chill of the room. Ric was feeling the chill of loss… its cold clammy fingers were stealing into every part of his body and there was only one way to ease his suffering. But, he wouldn't want what she was so willing to offer. He wouldn't want her that close. 

"Is this what it felt like when you lost your sister?"

She walked slowly back to him and sat down quietly on the couch behind him. Close enough to hopefully help him with the questions she knew would come, yet far enough away to keep her hands from reaching for him… from increasing his pain by touching him. He needed answers… answers that she was forced to search for alone when dealing with the losses of her own life. He was facing the loss of his brother just as she faced the loss of her sister not so long ago. Without her, Ric was alone in his quest for answers. If she were not available to help him find what he sought, who would he ask? It was all she could give him now. Leaning forward she clasped her hands together allowing her thighs to bear the weight of her burdened heart as she answered him.

"Yes… and no. I knew my sister loved me. There was a place in her heart for me that she cherished. Somehow that made her loss a little easier to bear. You weren't given the chance to build any kind of a relationship with your brother." The words were tearing her apart, because she knew that her actions against Sonny ended any chance Ric would ever have of reaching his brother. "Your loss is heavier, Ric. You not only grieve his death, but you're also grieving the loss of someday having the relationship you always wanted with your brother."

"Will it get better? I mean will the memory of him settle in the darkest part of me like my mother did?"

Tears trickled unheeded down her cheeks as her heart grieved for Ric, for Sonny and for what she took from them. 

"That depends on you, Ric."

Her voice was comforting him as nothing else could in that moment. And yet, he was reluctant to turn and face her. He was afraid that she would misinterpret his grief. How could he tell her that he just needed a few answers before he could refocus on her… on the two of them! He didn't want to carry into their new relationship a cloud of doubt regarding his feelings surrounding the death of his brother.

"What do you mean?"

"You need to decide how you want to handle the loss. You can either allow this to consume you so much that it plants a seed of retribution or you can decide to grieve the loss and let it go to become just a sad memory. Knowing what I know now, I can tell you that you need to find someone to love that will help you accept the losses of your life, no matter what they are. Find someone who will encourage and support you so that you can continue to live a productive and happy life. And you have to find some part of Sonny that you can celebrate so that the pain he caused doesn't get so big that you get bogged down in the darkness that surrounded him."

Alexis gave him all that she could and now it would be up to him to decide what he wanted to do with his grief and his future. She stood to go.

He waited for more… but the heavy silence in the room suddenly registered with him telling him that something more was happening than just his need for answers. Ric did a quick analysis of the entire situation in his head from the moment he handed Alexis the phone receiver until the last words he heard her speak. The result he came up with was one he should have picked up on the moment he felt the comforter fall around his shoulders.

Alexis was responding to him the same way that he would have responded to her if their positions were reversed. She was backing away from him physically and emotionally and he knew exactly why. How could he reach her… how could he scale the walls of defense that were steadily mounting within her heart with every minute the clock ticked off. He took a chance. Without turning, without taking his eyes away from the hearth. He put the remainder of his heart on the line.

"It may be asking too much, but I need you to answer another question for me, Alexis."

Her shoulders sagged at the somber tone in his voice. Here it was. He was going to ask her to leave. 'I stayed too long.' She thought. 'If I had just left when I started to, I wouldn't have to hear the words. I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my life with them echoing in my ears.'

"Are you going to leave too?"

The question stunned her. She didn't understand what was provoking him to ask such a question. She killed his brother. She took from him any chance of ever connecting with Sonny on a familial basis. Why would he want her to stay? She was the reason he would never again see his brother.

"Under the circumstances..."

"You mean because my brother died?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to leave, Alexis?"

'NO' her heart screamed. "I think it best,' her voice said. "I'm sure you would probably like to deal with this without my presence to further irritate the situation."

Ric knew he would need to appeal to her intellectual side because she was too busy shutting down the emotional side of her heart.

"I think it's rather presumptuous of you to try and dictate how I should act or feel or even know what I want at this particular moment."

Suddenly the doorbell chimed stirring the heaviness in the room. Ric cursed under his breath and stood slowly, letting the comforter slip from his shoulders as he started toward the door. 'What a damned inconvenient time to be interrupted.' he thought.

Alexis knew who was at the door from her conversation with Dara. Jason was bringing an envelope to Ric. It was the last request that Sonny made of Jason. It seemed almost surreal that it would take his own death for Sonny to finally reach out and claim his brother. She rose from the couch and called softly to Ric.

"It's Jason, Ric. Before Sonny died, he asked Jason to come see you."

Ric stopped instantly. "Why?"

"I don't think it's a bad thing. Not from what Dara told me regarding his last words."

"His last words were about me?"

"Yes." She turned to make her way out of the room to give him some privacy.

"Alexis?"

He watched her look back over her shoulder at him and her face wore a wealth of pain, but it was her eyes that disturbed him the most. The light was gone. Her eyes were dull and lifeless. If he didn't so desperately need to hear his brother's last words, he would ignore the intrusion. But, he did need to know. He needed to know why he was the last person his brother mentioned. He raised his hand imploringly toward her. He needed her to stay with him so he didn't have to face the last words of his brother alone.

"Would you mind staying?"

She nodded once and turned to face him. She stood stoically. Her walls in place, her heart neatly stored away, her hands folded together in front of her. He wanted so much to go to her and take away the coldness that now cocooned her. But, Jason was waiting, so Ric smiled with regret and turned to open the door.

"Jason." Ric stepped back, opening the door wider and ushered Jason in before closing the door behind him. When he turned to face Jason, a lump formed in his throat at the raw pain he saw in the man's eyes. He may have lost a brother, but Jason did as well. Ric held his hand out and waited for Jason to grasp it. It was time to put the past behind them. "I'm sorry, Jason. I know you looked on him as a brother. He told me once that in his mind you were his brother as well. You lost a brother today just as I did."

He waited knowing how hard it would be for Jason to accept his apology. He was just about to withdraw his hand when Jason finally relented and accepted his offering of peace. He spoke no words. The only acknowledgment of his words other than the brief handshake was a slight nod of his head.

"I understand that coming here is probably the last thing you wanted to deal with today, but thank you. Alexis told me that you were delivering something from Sonny."

He could see Jason's reluctance. Being in the same room with him no matter what the reason would always be unacceptable to Jason. Jason's loyalty was hard won; his respect even harder. Once it was given no one could take it away. And one handshake was not going to change the fact that Jason Morgan had no use for Ric Lansing. Stepping around Jason, Ric walked past him and moved to stand beside Alexis. He needed her close.

Alexis felt his arm creep around her and felt her heart lurch. The slight tremor in the hand that rested on her hip told her he was anxious about why Jason was suddenly in his living room having been sent there from his brother's death bed. Turning slightly toward him, she raised her arm and settled it around his waist. His fall into silence told her he was apprehensive; unsure of the reasons Sonny would choose now to reach out to his brother. She couldn't stand to see the effect it was all having on Ric. Stepping forward she addressed Jason.

"It is my understanding that Sonny sent you here to pass along something he intended for Ric. Please Jason, I'm asking you to not make this any harder than it has to be. For Ric or for yourself! I know you miss him, I know you probably blame me for what happened and that's fine. But don't make Ric pay for something he had nothing to do with." 

She watched Jason carefully and saw the moment he let go of his anger toward Ric. Satisfied that the two men could now talk without any misunderstanding between them she stepped away from them and took her seat on the couch far enough away so that she didn't disturb them. Jason was the first to speak.

"I don't think I have to tell you why Sonny never welcomed you as his brother. If he couldn't trust you he wanted no part of you. And because of that he wasn't willing to give you back any part of your past. He said, if you really wanted to be a part of his life, you wouldn't have tried to destroy him and his family. He couldn't forgive that."

"I know." whispered Ric. "I don't blame him for what he thought of me. I gave him good reason."

Ignoring Ric's words, Jason continued. "There was a kid you hung around with in school. His name was Johnny. Sonny knew you and Johnny were friends back then, so when Johnny betrayed him, he figured it was just the icing on the cake to keep you two from ever connecting. We staged Johnny's death to keep you from getting anywhere close to anything that would mean as much to you as his family did to him."

"How did he know about the connection between Johnny and I?"

"Johnny told me; I told Sonny. Sonny wanted to ship Johnny off to an undisclosed location and make him suffer for his betrayal. There was something going on with Sonny that kept him from taking Johnny out the way he would have anyone else who turned on him. But it was my job to protect Sonny. And Johnny was a threat to him. Just as you were. When Johnny turned, I didn't want you two hooking up to take him down together.

Since Sonny couldn't make the right decision where you were concerned, it was left up to me to do what I could to keep Sonny safe. That meant finding a way to neutralize Johnny without getting rid of him. Johnny wanted to see his grandmother one last time, so I took him to see her. Met his grandmother. Nice lady. Very convincing. I made the decision to let Johnny stay with her as long as he stayed out of the way and made no trouble for Sonny."

Ric was stunned. Johnny was alive; living with his mother. Ric frowned as he remembered Jason's words. "His grandmother? What happened to his mother, Jason?"

"Died when he was a little kid. His grandmother took him to raise."

Thinking back on the first time he met Margaret O'Brien, Ric remembered thinking how much older she looked than what he imagined Johnny's mother would be. A rush of warmth suddenly washed over him as he thought about the woman who gave him hope so long ago. Ric's eyes found Alexis and he returned her caring smile. They were both remembering the story he told her a short time ago. His attention was brought back to Jason as an envelope was thrust toward him. Instinctively reaching for it, he looked back at Jason.

"You'll find where they are in here. There's also a report on their activities since Johnny left Sonny's employ. You'll also find a birth certificate for Johnny and some other legal documents you'll need in order to believe what I'm fixing to tell you."

Ric watched closely as Jason drew a deep labored breath before continuing.

"Johnny wasn't just a friend to you. He's your brother."

Alexis jumped up quickly to help Ric when she saw him stumble backwards. Racing to him she put her arm around his waist to support him and turned her angry eyes toward Jason.

"Are you insane? You come into his home on the day his brother is killed and you tell him he has another brother. Just how cruel are you, Jason Morgan? This could have waited for a more appropriate time. Leave the damn envelope and get the hell out of here."

"I was only doing what Sonny asked, Alexis. Sonny is… was trying to make it up to Ric for keeping him away from his brother. He wanted to clean things up for Ric. It was important to him."

"I get that, Jason. But you could have laid this particular bombshell on him tomorrow, after he had time to deal with Sonny's death."

Ric raised his hand and lay it gently on Alexis' shoulder pulling her back to him. She was doing her best to stand up for him and he loved her for it, but he needed answers now. None of which were more important than how Johnny O'Brien came to be his brother, if in fact it were true.

"Wait Alexis. It's okay. I have to know." Turning back to Jason, "Does this envelope contain absolute proof that Johnny is my brother? How he actually came to be my brother?"

"Yes. Sonny made sure the information was correct and could not be questioned. Ric, he asked me to tell you that he was sorry for keeping it from you."

Ric exploded. "HE'S SORRY! He refuses to accept me as his brother, refused to allow me to be a brother to him and all the time he knew about Johnny."

"No! He didn't know about your connection to Johnny until a few months after Johnny betrayed him. Johnny's grandmother told him about you two being brothers. Johnny knew if he came anywhere near you, Sonny would have him killed. So he called me and asked me if he could talk to Sonny. He wanted to see if there was a way that we could prove the tie between you two. Sonny refused to see him. But, Sonny didn't let it go. He figured the more information he had on you, the better off he'd be if you came after him again."

Walking away from Jason and Alexis, Ric anxiously slid his hand through his hair and grasped the back of his neck squeezing it until he felt a bit of the tension fade. He walked over to the fireplace and stared unseeing into its depth. He had a brother. The little kid who followed him around the schoolyard, who made such an impression on him when he was a kid, was actually his brother. And the woman who helped him pick a star out of the night sky one evening so long ago was actually his grandmother. He turned back to find Alexis. Still grasping the envelope in his hands his eyes spoke his need before he turned away again.

Alexis understood what he needed and turned to Jason. "If you don't mind, Jason. Ric needs some time alone. We appreciate you coming and delivering the news, but I think it's best if you go now." She ushered him to the door and quickly led him out following behind him. Closing the door so Ric could not hear her, Alexis faced Jason.

"How was he, Jason. How was Sonny before he died? You talked to him, was he…"

Jason knew what Alexis was asking of him and if they were ever going to find a way to leave each other in peace he would have to tell her the truth.

"He wanted to get things straight with Ric and Kristina. That's all he talked about. But, I think you need to know what the last couple of years was like for him where you were concerned."

"What do you mean, Jason? I was there. I know what it was like."

"No you don't, Alexis. All you saw was what he wanted you to see. He may have been talking about his brother and his daughter on the phone today before he died. But, it was you he was thinking about."

"Dara told me he didn't say anything about me. Yesterday he threatened my life. I know what Sonny thought of me, Jason."

"No, Alexis. You didn't. You stopped looking for the real Sonny years ago. You stopped seeing him. Really seeing him and it tore him up. He never let go of you. Not really! These last few years, something happened to him inside. A part of him died and it made him mean and ugly. I met with him this morning before he tried to escape. He couldn't hide what he was feeling. He was crazy. All he could focus on was a picture in his hand. I asked him about it. He couldn't look at me but he said, 'It's Alexis.' He was holding a picture of his daughter, but all he saw was you. In his eyes you betrayed him and he couldn't deal with that, but inside Sonny never gave up on having you in his life again someday."

"And I took his life away from him in order to save my daughter from her father." She was crying now. Seeing Sonny sitting in a jail cell, clutching a picture of his daughter and thinking about her. It was more than she could take. How much more would this day take from her?

"Why did he run, Jason?"

"Based on what little I got out of him, I'd say he was looking for a way to get you and Kristina to the island so you could all be together as a family."

Turning away from Jason so he couldn't see the tears, Alexis stepped away from him and leaned heavily against the wall whispering, "He died trying to hang on to a dream?"

Jason heard and stepped closer. "Yes. He died hanging on to a dream. The dream he lived with every day of his life since he walked away from you that day."

"An unrealistic dream!"

"He knew it would never happen. But it didn't keep him from hoping someday you two would patch things up."

"I gave him every chance, Jason. But after Kristina was born, I just couldn't allow his life to destroy her like it did my sister. And you know it would have eventually. I just couldn't put my daughter in that kind of danger."

"I know, Alexis. But she was his daughter too. He deserved to know about her. He deserved the chance to know that the woman he thought so much of gave him the one thing that meant the most to him. Maybe it would have made a difference if he knew about his daughter."

It was useless to argue what might have been and Alexis needed to get away from Jason. She needed to talk to Ric. Her shoulders sagged when she suddenly remembered that Ric was no longer an option for her. And now with all the information Jason just gave her, it was even more reason for Ric to turn away from her.

"I have to go!" She straightened and began to walk away.

"What about Ric?" Jason called after her.

She ignored him. She didn't have an answer. She kept on walking.

As he watched Alexis walk away, Jason frowned and glanced back at Ric's closed door. He knew he should just walk away. None of this was his business anymore. What did he care if Ric and Alexis were no longer together? And then Jason thought of his friend. Sonny would not want Alexis to grieve alone. He would not want her alone at all. Stepping up to the door, Jason knocked once again.

Ric was surprised to see Jason on the other side of his door again. He expected it to be Alexis coming back to him. He stepped forward and looked out into the hallway for her. When he didn't see her he turned back to Jason.

"Where's Alexis?"

"She left. You need to go find her."

"Why? What did you say to her?"

"Only what she needed to know."

"And that was?"

"That Sonny didn't hate her. The rest you're gonna have to hear from her. But, you better make it quick. She's shutting down and it's going to be hard to reach her."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm not quite as ignorant as some people think I am. I've known Alexis for years. I've seen her like this before. Now are you gonna stand here and jaw with me or are you going to go find her?"

Ric was worried. He could see that Jason was concerned as well. Concerned enough to maybe help if asked.

"Do you know where she might take off to?"

"Try the cemetery first."

"The cemetery?"

"Where her sister is."

Frowning Ric walked back into his apartment and pulled a leather jacket from the closet, not bothering to put a shirt on first. Returning to the door he looked at Jason once more.

"There's been a lot of bad blood between us. I hope there is a way for us to get past it someday. I want to. I owe you a lot, Jason. You always took care of my brother. Thank you. If you ever need anything, call me. I'll see what I can do to help."

Jason nodded once reaching into his pocket for his motorcycle keys. Lifting them up for Ric to see he allowed a small half smile.

"I won't be needing anything. I'm leaving. I've had enough of Port Charles for awhile. But, I promised Sonny I'd keep an eye out on Kristina, so I'll be keeping in touch. You need me, call Emily. She'll always know how to reach me."

With that, Jason turned and walked away leaving Ric to stare after him a moment before heading in the opposite direction in search of Alexis.

Twenty minutes later, Ric proved Jason's suspicion correct. He found Alexis kneeling beside her sister's grave. He approached her as quietly as he could.

"Alexis?"

She didn't raise her head to look at him. It was hard enough just to hear his voice behind her. What could he possibly want with her?

"Did you find out if it was true? About Johnny I mean? Did you read the documents?"

"No. I didn't. I couldn't."

"Why?"

"You weren't there. I can't do it without you."

"I don't understand. You are just as knowledgeable about the law as I am. It shouldn't be that difficult."

"It's not about the law, Alexis. I won't do anything without you anymore."

"But, Ric…"

"I won't attend my brother's funeral without you. I won't search for the brother I never knew about without you. And I won't lie down tonight without you by my side nor will I get up in the morning without first kissing you awake. I won't live my life without you, Alexis."

She finally looked up at him and noticed his bare chest above the zipper of his jacket.

"Aren't you cold?"

"Yes, but I'm not going home without you."

"Ric." She murmured quietly. "I can't."

"Why?"

"Look what I've done to you."

"What have you done, Alexis? What is it that you think you've done that would cause me to not want you with me? Is it because of Sonny? Are you blaming yourself because he's dead? Are you thinking it's your fault that my brother is dead now? That you've taken my brother from me?"

The lowering of her head told him that he was right in what she was doing to herself. He kneeled behind her and wrapped his arms around her bringing her close to his chest.

"I love you, Alexis. And none of this was your fault. Sonny made choices. Choices that cost him his life! We can't change that and we can't fault ourselves for the choices that he made on his own. We have our own lives to live. And I need you. I need you in my life and I need Kristina. I'm nobody without you. My brother learned that lesson too late in life. If he had learned it a little sooner maybe it would be him here with you, and I'd be out there somewhere lost and alone. But, it's life. We make mistakes, but we keep going forward. You know that, Alexis. You live it every day of your life. Let's keep moving forward… together. You and I! Please come home with me, Alexis. Please come back to me. I need you."

Gently disentangling herself from his arms, Alexis stood up and turned to face him. Looking into his eyes, she saw the evidence of his words. Ric loved her and he wasn't angry with her for the choices she had been forced to make regarding his brother. Stepping into the circle of his arms she lay her head on his shoulder.

"There was something I said a little while ago that I thought I would never be able to say to you. I don't want another minute to pass until I say it to you."

Leaning back she gazed at him. Reaching up she let her fingers play along the contours of his cheek before sliding them behind his head to pull him closer. Just before her lips met his, she whispered. "I love you, Ric Lansing."

They would not make it back to Alexis' place that evening. They would spend it together, renewing their love for each other and continuing to build the foundation that would support them the rest of their lives. In the morning, they would pick up Kristina and take her to meet her great grandmother and Uncle Johnny. Ric would finally have the family he always wanted and Alexis would find a friend and confidant in Margaret O'Brien. Ric and Alexis finally found the golden treasure at the end of the rainbow. And they found it in each other. They both reached deep inside and let go of the fears and doubts that kept them bound. They let go and found home.


End file.
